Muscle Spasms During Flashbacks

[zoie33]

Does anyone else have uncontrollable muscle spasms during flashbacks of childhood abuse? I am triggered by different memories of my dad. For the past month now i am constantly having muscle spasms that always start on the left side of my stomach. Sometimes they are mild and stop there. Depending on the memory they will get stronger to where at the worst my body feels like it is convulsing out through my arms and legs. We are just starting to work on the worst of these memories in emdr and i am hoping they stop once i process the worst of it. At times the spasms are getting out of control and i will have several with a short period of time. It is quite embarrassing when people at work see me looking like a spazz. Can anyone relate?

 

[agirls]

I can relate though mine were a little different. I just finished a Mindfulness class and during one of the first exercises we did I started having terrible twitching and spasms on my left side. I attributed it to the fact that the one male in the class was laying next to me. It concerned me tremendously. It happened at home when I practiced that exercise and to a milder degree when I though about certain aspects of my abuse. And it also happened primarily on my left side. My T, who also happened to be teaching the class, told me not to try to suppress them, but to let them work their way out as my body was trying to tell me something. Sure enough, they evolved over the weeks of the class and right after it ended we figured out, through my body memories, what the biggest missing piece of my puzzle of abuse was. We had many, many pieces already in place but this one made its way to the forefront through body memories that started as twitching.

 

[LadyZane]

I have no idea if this is helpful or not, but reading Pete Townshend's autobiography recently he talks about being in therapy and trying to uncover repressed memories of early CSA ... when he couldn't remember past a certain point, his therapist suggested writing it out, and he when he tried to he suddenly started convulsing so much that he couldn't hold a pen.

 

[zoie33]

OMG I didn't mention it in the post but that is exactly how mine started. My therapist told me to start doing mindfulness and meditation and initially the spasm started while I was doing body scans during meditation. Eventually they started linking up to memories of my dad and from there they grew to what it is today which is driving me absolutely insane. Thank you so much for sharing.

 

[Hope4Now]

Yes, this still happens to me after 4 years, but not as often. When I started meditating (mindfulness can bring up all sorts of things that we aren't expecting) around 4 years ago, one of the things that happened was all kinds of twitching and uncontrolled motor movements. It was very frightening. Eventually some of them sorted out into a body memory of something that happened to me when I was very young. Some of the ongoing movements aren't clear. Mostly they happen during flashbacks or flooding by some traumatized part. I often have issues with holding a pen/writing. But I have DID and often that is when some part wants to be in control of what's getting written. Same thing now with a lot of the body jerking...it often happens when a part wants to come out and I am fighting it. I have learned to be less afraid of these body movements (although they are embarassing if other people see them). I figure eventually my body will let me know what I am ready to know.

 

[agirls]

initially the spasm started while I was doing body scans during meditation. Eventually they started linking up to memories of my dad and from there they grew to what it is today which is driving me absolutely insane

The body scan is exactly where it started. Then during a six hour silent retreat as part of the Mindfulness class we were doing yoga. My T was next to me just by chance (there were 20 people there) and I had some really awful body memories start. It took over a week to fully work their way out. My T and I have agreed that the body scan is important for me even though I kind of hate it sometimes. I've committed to doing it twice a week with meditation sits in between.

 

[zoie33]

Well I have had my spasms now for over a month. New memories of abuse have come up since that which we are trying to work out through EMDR but I keep dissociating which is not helping. If the body scan was the source, I do not want to do it ever again. I have not done much since. I am too afraid of what other skeletons will pop out. I have been trying to talk to my little girl voice, the one I think this particular memory happened to and I get extreme spasms when contacting her. I honestly think I am losing my mind and my T had to cancel for today so I can't work on it again until Tuesday. I just get so impatient with working through my issues and with new stuff popping up all the time I don't think I will ever be under control again.

 

[Ava]

I used to shake really bad when I was upset. now, my head shakes back and forth.( like nodding no)
It's involuntary, but I feel like it might be me trying to shake the bad memories out.

It's embarrassing.

 

[AnD]

I have this too. Connected to flashbacks, trying to opress memories, When parts want to pop out, too much stress, being touches. I have also collapsed from too much of the above. Sort of fainting and unable to move.

I think you can Google non epileptic seizures, formally called pseudo seizures. My spelling might be off.

Nowadays I sometimes try to create them by using TRE. I saw some videos on youtube. It was good for me.

 

[Cerulean Synapse]

My Cervical Dystonia gets horrible during a flashback. I try to block it out with one of my alters. But my T wants to work with me not to integrate but to have others in charge so I know what's going on. Any kind of thing about my trauma that triggers me and I have to call it quits for hanging out. It's good to take time away when I feel like this but also suffer from social anxiety.