My anxiety epiphany

[Cannottakethis]

Last night I went to my group (dbt) and I talked to the leader afterwards about something we had just discussed . I noticed that while I was speaking to her, I was speaking quickly, feeling sweaty, and my heart was racing. As I was driving home, I realize that I was panicking when I was talking to her, and that is not the first time that that is happened. I also noticed it several weeks ago when I was talking to a friend on the phone, and at the end of the conversation I wondered if I had been overwhelming to her, maybe pushy or two over the topic in our conversation. She never said anything and we still talk so I guess it was OK. Then when I started looking back on my life I started to realize that I tend to get very nervous in social situations, and if I do not know the person well, I will get that hot sweaty feeling and talk much faster and have that racing heart feeling. It's only when I know somebody well that I am comfortable to speak to them. I think this may also be why when I was working, but I spent 90 - 95% of the time in jobs that entailed working on the phone. I always knew I like to talk on the phone, but I think I just figured out why. I've been telling my husband that I had social anxiety, and have a GAD disgnosis somewhere but now it's like really hitting me how bad it is. I can't wait until I see my therapist next week so I can tell him. I have a strange feeling that my bipolar diagnosis may be incorrect because many of the things that they were saying or media I think are really anxiety and the other parts of mania fit more in to the PTSD/CPTSD diagnosis as well as BPD, which I also have.
Eye opening, scary and still a bit relieving at the same time.

 

[The Albatross]

Good observation - it gives you something to form a strategy for to get you some improvement.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It's only when I know somebody well that I am comfortable to speak to them.

I experience this one too. A light turned on when you said the above, trust is the needed element in the discussions with another person. I need to be able to trust a person for my anxiety and nervousness to go away. It is perfectly understandable thing for me having grown up with no trust in anyone at all.

Now I realize I need to be able to trust a person before I can be myself freely. The less I trust a person the less I am myself with a person. I am hoping that this makes sense.