Undiagnosed My Bestfriend Almost Died In My Arms. Now That He Has Survived, I No Longer Exist To Him :(

[Jeanine Norris]

And lucycat? He tried to kill himself because I was there and knew I would save him. When he tried to hang himself, he waited until his sister came home, then did it. See the pattern. Yes, he wants to die...but hes too afraid to in the end and makes sure someone would be there to help him. He could've done it for 4 days prior to that night. I came down that night. Why did he magically think of doing it when i was there but had 4 days to??? Think about it......

 

[Lucycat]

Jeanine, no one is suggesting that you have not suffered. Clearly you are missing your friend. I get that - but, just because you are seeing a therapist does not automatically mean you have PTSD. If you have been diagnosed - fine. On here we are all sufferers or supporters of someone with the diagnosis. We know PTSD inside out. This is a good place to learn and share experiences.

You still have not answered whether you have been diagnosed or not. Is that too hard a question?

As for your friend, well, as I have said before he owes you nothing! It may not feel like that to you. Yes, when I was saved from an attempted suicide I was not grateful at all. After all, at the time I wanted to die. It is that simple. Of course now, I am glad that I did not, but I don't go round thanking those that helped me - it is a time I would rather forget. Yes, that is incredibly selfish. I know that, but I cannot live my life indebted to others. I have to move on in my life and leave that time packed away in my memory. I don't wish to think of how others suffered by my behaviour. I don't want to live a life of regret and remorse, however much I hurt people then, I have had to let it go.

You think he did it deliberately to hurt you? Then why oh why do you think he is a friend? I suspect it was not deliberate at all. In my experience the person attempting suicide really is not thinking of others at all.

 

[Lifeline]

No one is denying that you may have PTSD (as long as you were diagnosed). Witnessing someone almost dying in an unexpected way fits squarely into criterion A.

Although you guys were good friends, there seemed to be a lot of demons on his side (that he didn't take responsibility for) as well as your own and you got burned in the end. Plus, he seemed rather selfish. You invested more emotionally than he was willing to give.

 

[digger]

I don't think anyone here actually suggested you don't have ptsd. For my part, I was asking as I was wondering if you were looking for insight into why someone with ptsd might have behaved the way he has, or if you were looking for support for yourself as a sufferer, as it wasn't clear to me from your original post.

You are clearly very upset by the whole situation and need some help sorting out your feelings about it all, but I stand by what I've said in my previous replies - I don't think he's the one to help you through this. It might be tough to take on board when you feel that you've been there for him and you want him to be there for you, but I think part of your healing needs to come from accepting that you're not going to get that from him.

He doesn't sound to me like someone who is fine, whatever outward appearances he is trying to put out there. He sounds to me like someone who is still running. It also sounds to me that, like it or not, he is being quite clear that he either will not or cannot be there for you through this.

Obviously I don't know the guy, but I think it's too simple to say that someone just tries to kill themselves for attention. There have got to be some pretty serious underlying issues for it to have got to that point, and from what you've said it doesn't sound like he has resolved all of them. It might seem selfish, and maybe it is, but sometimes people act the way they do out of self preservation. It might be the only way he knows how to be.

Whatever his reasons, you need to concentrate on you and on getting you feeling better now. Are you still seeing the therapist?

 

[Jeanine Norris]

I saw a psychologist about it to assess me to see if I needed help with my problem in order to get a referral to get further counseling. And he was very adamant that I do. It seems everyone is thinking that I want him to like or that I want him to bow down to me. That's not the case at all. I just want my friend...to act like a friend, nothing more, and I got denied.

So after everything, it hurts not only going threw that ordeal, it hurts more that the person this involves fed me to the wolves with a smile on his face. Its not that he's fazing me out becase I remind of him of everything, its because I stood up to him and he didn't like that. So basically said f u. So its like kicking me while I'm down.

 

[Jeanine Norris]

Its not even that I want him to be there for me, well I do in a sense, but nothing like you guys think. I called him awhile ago and said I was pregnant...and he laughed at me and told me MY life was f*cked..................like, really?? Your gonna sit there and literally laugh in my face after what I've suffered for the last year?? That's where I wanted my friend, someone to just be hey Jeanine, everything is going to be ok and I have your back. He was the only one who could care less.

When I got texts randomly from people asking if I was ok, just a concern a normal friend would do.....how come he was the only one who was like that??? Has nothing to do with the accident, he's just a f*ckin dick. So do you get my point as far as not wanting nothing more from him then I would expect from a regular friend? If my friend is hurt, I talk to them for a minute, try to calm them down, as did everyone else did because I was in a messed up situation and unexpected.....I got laughed then told that my life was f*cked. Coming from the ex crack user who tried to kill himself three times..but he felt better at the time, so I'm less then him even though what was happening to me was kindve out of my control because it was never planned. Ya ya, what I did was wong, but if it was one of your good friends, no matter how much you disagreed with it....you'd bite your tongue and consol them..THATS WHAT FRIENDS DO.

I don't want gifts. I don't want money. I don't want him kissing the ground I walk on. I don't want him to be attached to my hip. I don't want him kissing my ass. I don't want nothing.....just a friendship. and its gone....because of his selfish actions, and im left here. My go to man, turned on me for no reason, because he felt better about himself. So anyone that suffers, is in his way.

His sister was having a hard time with school because her course was very difficult. Mister depressed told his sister that he can't stand being around depressed people then walked out of the house...like, are u kidding me?????? We all bent over backwards for this kid for him to treat not just me, but his own sister that way after all that we have done. He literally does not think that what he has done has affected anyone, because as he put it, "he was asleep and doesn't remember anything"..then laughs, like its a big f*ckin joke.

 

[Lifeline]

1. He definitely has issues that he needs to deal with (but probably isn't aware of the extent).

2. If he's like what you say, he did you a favor. It would have been just a matter of time before he walked away anyways. It would have been deeper heart break.

3. Life eventually moves on. There is a slim chance he might come around but don't wait around.

4. Let go of expectations and focus on what you need.

 

[Jeanine Norris]

That's what hurts. He will come around eventually.....when his girl friend gets sick of his bullshit, as per everyone else in his life. He's gonna run to me :(. I'm the only person he can be his true self around with zero judgement. So there's a part of me that won't let go because of that. His sister and mother of his child both said that to me and that they feel bad for me........so in a way that makes me feel like...why am I not good enough now???? :*(

 

[Lifeline]

I am so sorry for this shitty situation. All I can say is boundaries. If he does come around, set clear and realistic expectations and boundaries. Hash it out all out and come to a mutual understanding. If he's not willing to budge at all, he's not worth your time. If it's a true friendship, then it should be a two-way street.

 

[Jeanine Norris]

I'l never forget this and its a stupid story, but an example of the arrogance. I was going away for my birthday on the sat morning....so I booked the Friday off to hang out with him and his daughter, whom I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to death (has nothing to do with him, I still see her all the time thanks to her awesome mommy who sees that I really do care for her). I ask him...Ryan, can you take em to the park so I can hang out with you before I leave for my bday?? That's all I want!! Just want spend some time with you guys before I leave!! I was soooo happy!! He sighed......ya, I guess he says...OK. Day of birthday, I'm so excited!!! We meet at the park, have a great time going down the slides with the little one and whatnot.

His birthday was a month later. He wants an outline of a chest tattoo...I'm like, OK..I'll pay for half because I love you and want to make your grumpy ass life better and just see a genuine smile on his goddamn face. So after a bit, I'm thinkin....(for the record, I'm an easy person to buy for...if you had your daughter just make me a card with a piece of paper and her drawing with markers, will melt my heart!)...I was supposed to pay $150 towards his tattoo but come time of the appointment, I only have $125. Come 2 days before the appointment (my parents maybe spend like 25 on me if I'm lucky..its not about presents with me though, its about making someone happy, for real :))...I tell him the day before because we agreed with split on the price. So $150 a piece.....I tell him I only have $125....he signed ever so loudly, then said I thought you'd have $150....wanna know why he was so mad?? He had to put $25 of his own bucks towards it because he wanted it for funnnnnnnn. I don't think I've ever received a $150 gift, let alone $125 gift from ANYONE EVERRRRRR for my birthday and I was in a relationship for 6 years lol..that bothered me but I kept it to myself. That's where the ungreatfulness comes in. I just couldn't believe that he actually got kinda mad at me because I would be 25 bucks short and it would come out of his welfare paycheck.

Picket.......anywho....gets the tattoo. Me, his sister, and girl friedn are there. Had a great day, everyone is cool beans..we go back to his and his sisters house on the porch just hangin out....he's all tattoo this, tattoo that..his sister said...did you even thank Jeanine??? He's like yaaaaaaaa, she just didn't hear me. LOLLLLLLLLL ummmmm my ears were wide open brotha lol I didn't hear shit.....f*ck uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 

[Jeanine Norris]

Oh I never finished my story...So after his sister basically forced him to say thank you to me...I got a little sad about it because I was like come on.....you can't even say thanks?? WTG bro...kept it to myself....a couple days later I was a little upset and said to him, "Ryan I did a lot for your birthday and you didn't even say thanks without someone having to tell you." I said, "You couldn't even buy me or have Em make me a card? Guess what his response was word for word that I will never forget....

"I hung out with you, isn't that enough?"

 

[Lifeline]

That sucks. You seem like a good and well-meaning person who put too much emotional investment into someone who wasn't willing to reciprocate. I hope that you can find someone who will fully appreciate what you have to offer.