Sexual Assault My brain is trying to convince me of something that is probably false.

[Nyoom]

Nope. Not my intention. As I was describing MY childhood as being trauma & CSA free.


Yep. Populations vary. Military brats tend to start coding memories at their first (or second) major move. Civilian kids is/was far too broad a category to lump people into; as there are those who stay home until 5yo, those who are in daycare from day 1, those who start preschool at 3, those who belong to travelling families (circus to diplomats), and dozens of other subcultures. All with different norms for when long term memories begin to code.

My only real point was that, speaking as someone who clearly remembers that time period in their life? With no abuse or trauma clouding things? It’s entirely possible/rational that you’re remembering a fragment from the same time period.

Whether or not the person was abusing you or checking to see if you needed a new diaper or trip to the loo? I couldn’t speak to. People who don’t clearly remember that time frame, tend to get blown away by how much other peoples hands are on kids’ privates until they’re potty trained. But there are also pedophiles who finger rape week old infants through the leg hole in their diaper, standing in a crowded room at a party, with no one the wiser. “Just” the baby being fussy.

Ahhh, I see what you mean now, I'm sorry for misunderstanding your initial reply. And you bring up good points, even if the dream was based in a real event, that wouldn't always mean its intentions are how I assumed. I did feel uncomfortable and a sense of discomfort when thinking about it, but that could be because of my perspective now as an adult interfering with my perception of an otherwise harmless act. I think the main thing, at this point, that is making me worry this event was real and sinister, is the body reactions I have to being touched in that area, that I had done for my whole life, despite the COCSA not involving that and mostly being oral. Part of me feels this would explain it, but general anxiety around sex mixed with negative association with intimacy of any kind could explain the same thing. So ultimately, I've decided to focus on the stuff I do remember instead of trying to force myself to understand this dream, as I don't think it'll help me to know in the long run.

Thank you very much for your responses :)