Undiagnosed My Dad Is In Town.

[tired of the fight]

I'm in serious need of advice.

My dad is in town... a friend saw him. I'm in a panic that he is going to come over and start on me again. I can't take the put downs or hearing about my short comings any more, I'm well aware of how messed up I am. He comes and questions, asks private questions.

A few weeks back he put surveillance camera's up in the kitchen...I asked him why? he said why not? That is a major trigger for me.. I was shaking and feel so violated everyday!! I finally got the nerve to unplug them, guess what... the 1 is plugged back in.

He owns this house but lives in his other about an hour away. I have no privacy... no stability ... more scares... even though I'm on disability, he use's money as scare tactic....telling me he is going to run out, its going happen.

I feel like me and my kids are a burden, and not to mention worthless, and what's adding to the anxiety and stress (which I just about cant take any more, no one more negative comment about me) He jabs at me about leaving the house just bout every time I see him,, IF I COULD JUST GET IN MY CAR AND GO ...TRUST ME ..I WOULD, I'D BE SO FAR FROM THIS TOWN OF PAIN! AND AWAY FROM ALL THE NEGATIVE PEOPLE. I hate this.

It's the going out there, where all the bad memories are and some good... but the trauma happened in this town, when riding in the car I cant look around...For a year I couldn't even look in the direction where my house was and that's where the trauma was.. so painful. It's been 3 yrs and i still cant go out there... I did at first for a bit , but then the conditions started to set in and I was in shock for a long time.

I should not have to fear my dad coming or get so nervous I feel sick. :( The anxiety is getting so bad. He comes and goes as he pleases, though he says its my house. I have no protection for self preservation, other than what running and locking myself in my bedroom?? Geezuz, I have 3 little ones as well and this isn't getting much easier. I feel guilty all the time, I'm tired... I wore out...

Please if you have any advice or coping skill, anything, I'll listen. I don't have anyone to talk to.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Tired Of The Fight,

Welcome to MyPTSD! :)

I really do not have any advise as unless you have a formal rental agreement, it is difficult to limit his access legally. If you do have a formal lease agreement, an attorney could advise you of what rights are afforded under the lease or the tenant rights of your state.

Have you contacted any social service agencies to assist you in getting different housing? That may be an alternative.

I hope you find the information and support on this forum helpful.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[WillyKat]

Welcome to the forum.

I know how difficult it can be to tell someone that's abusive that they are abusive. Is it possible for you to tell him how you feel, that his monitoring is making things worse, not better, and that its causing serious issues. You don't have to say PTSD, cuz people have a weird understanding of it.

OR

- Leave town, if possible. Forgive me for not understanding how difficult that might be.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hello tiredofthefight.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I can see how the cameras are violating. :(

 

[AimKat]

Wow I feel like you just wrote out my story! except it is my mother-I had to stay with her for 3 mos.after a brutal assault and she was tape recording All my phone conversations. I also lived in the same town,blocks away from where the incident occurred. I moved from that town 3 years ago and it did help..more than I could have known! Of course I was stuck for years and I understand what you mean. I always felt like a burden to my mother and sister...and of course they loved to rub it in. Oh the snide comments,isnt it amazing how these people who are so "concerned" about us,just crap all over us. MAKING IT WORSE! My ptsd was out of control for years- I never slept, I never ate, I worried so much I puked daily.This is a hard road and I hate when people act like this is some choice! If I could choose I would turn it all off. I feel for you and I understand how violated you feel! Bless you!

 

[circe47]

I really wish I could give some inspiring advice, but I have a hard time with my dad too. I don't live in his house, but he seems to think he is free to come over and continue the same dysfunctional way of relating to me when stepping into the home that I pay for. Last time was a few days ago during a family meeting. I sat back and just watched- then tried a few times to open my mouth peacefully and calmly. As usual, my dad said something negative and I lost my shit, as usual. It ended up eventually being sort of productive, but I totally get your sense of being invaded.

I think the first step would be in trying to find resources that will help you get established in your own place- independent of your father. It will be hard, but worth it in the long run. There is nothing worse than a parent that thinks that they have the right to invade your boundaries. I know it is extreme- but sometimes domestic violence shelters have the advice and resources to help single mothers and children gain independence. Is there anything like that in your hometown?