Relationship My Deployed Fiancee Is Struggling With His Emotions, Please Help

[streg002]

Hi, my fiancee is deployed to Afghanistan and has three months to go before he comes home. He had always been warm and loving, talking about how he couldn't wait to hold me in his arms again and how he'll love me forever. But recently he's been turning me down for phone sex, not saying anything affectionate or about our future, and the other night he said he's been thinking for a few days about how he enjoys being alone more than being around other people. He said he's been wondering if he'd rather be alone or in a relationship with me. He says he doesn't like anyone anymore and that I shouldn't take this personally. Then today he sent flowers apologizing for saying things the other night he didn't mean but won't call to discuss this. He just messages me on facebook about how he's sorry and he loves me but he needs time alone to think. But he won't say about what. He won't call to talk about any of this. I'm really scared. Is he suffering from ptsd or is he just losing interest in me?

 

[Trembling]

Dear streg002 - was he deployed before?

There are many people here who know much more about PTSD.

The only thing I am aware of is that being in a place like that is not easy, but it might be easy to loose their way.
You will not know the full truth about what is going on until you see him, face to face.

Treat yourself very well, try to concentrate on your life, as he is doing and has to do over there, you will need all your strength for either future.

All the best, T.

 

[hopeforhealing]

I am by no means knowledgeable about PTSD. I am still here learning myself. I can however say that your words seem oh so familiar to me. My boyfriend is recently retired. He spent many years overseas while serving in special forces. Deployed again and again and fought the last 3 conflicts/wars. Somalia , Iraq, and lastly Afghanistan where he was injured in an explosion that killed several of his soldiers. After recovering from his injuries and during therapy, he was abruptly transferred to Ft. Polk in Louisiana. His job there was to observe the training simulations and give feedback. Something switched while there. We went from talking openly and lovingly to long periods of disconnect. We stopped talking about the future and he told me he was just numb. We saw each other twice during the year he was there. He eventually moved here after his retirement. He is not the same man that left. It was a gradual change. I know he had PTSD prior to Louisiana, but we were different. He doesn't want to be around people and right now that includes me. He has said he is unsure if he wants a relationship, but has consistently said to not take it personally. That he hasn't changed how he feels for me, but that he's just not capable of feeling. It is hard to for me to understand these words, but I hear them.

I have also found that my sufferer prefers to have personal and substantial conversations via text. He says he is trying to feel like himself again and is doing that with time and space. I have been more open to acknowledge that this is PTSD and letting him know I am reading up on it. With that I instituted that while we are talking about stuff, if he feels overwhelmed he can use a code word (Red) to let me know that his stress level just went through the roof and he has to stop. He used that for the first time last night and it made it easier for me, rather than him just stopping isolating. I wish you all the best through this.