My eviction hearing was given a chance, passed onto judge by magistrate

[recoveringfromptsd]

From what you just said, maybe admitting yourself might not be a bad idea. It will deal with S/I, and will get you out of the thick of things so you can recharge. Plus social workers inpatient can sometimes get past the barriers you have met because it went about them directly. I would worry about who cares for your son if you go inpatient.

I myself am seesawing and have been for a while. I was recently inpatient due to active Suicide attempt in progress, they have me in PHP now. (Partial Hospitalization Program).

 

[blackemerald1]

she had said that she had previously accepted the voucher the month prior with a different tenant was stopped

Happyplace do you need the Property Manager's evidence? Can you not prove this via the agency who processed the voucher? They must have an auditing/electronic system where their vouchers are reconciled. They would be able to provide you or legal aid with a declaration that the Real Estate Agent/Property Manager have indeed accepted their vouchers on prior occasions to other tenants and would have the records to prove it.

Just a thought :)

 

[Happyplace76]

Happyplace do you need the Property Manager's evidence? Can you not prove this via the agency who...

@blackemerald1 I probably could but they might consider it private information. It doesn't matter anymore unless I appeal because the case was decided in the landlord's favor and the eviction was granted today. I'm a wreck.:cry:

From what you just said, maybe admitting yourself might not be a bad idea. It will deal with...

I'm so sorry you're having to go through that... I know how horrible it is... I just found out the eviction was granted just about an hour ago. The Battered Women's Shelter said that they have room for us, which I'm very grateful, but I'm losing everything. My son won't even be able to be in his own home on his last day of school. My therapists are on me, just spoke to my therapist and she won't hesitate to have me admitted if I get worse - I'm in shock right now and just so.... :cry:- and yes the problem is with someone watching my son because I don't have family near that could or believe it not would... Thank you for all your support!

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh I'm so sorry @Happyplace76 - This is a bad turn of events. I was really hoping this would turn out much better. I don't know your laws but is the eviction immediate? Do you get some time to pack and put things into storage? Can you appeal - will this delay your eviction? If anything 'turned' on proving that vouchers were accepted by the Estate Agent for previous tenants the organisation that issues these vouchers do not have to reveal who they issued the vouchers to (as in the identities of people) but rather that they were reconciled for payment of accommodation purposes. So nobody's identity needs to be revealed. But anyway I will leave that issue with you.

You know when things were really bad for me, my children always looked to me (that is in actually me) for stability and security emotionally. It didn't seem to matter to them (in the long term) if we were sleeping in my car in a car park, moving every other day around from one place to another so long as they knew I was okay and this seemed to reassure them that they would be okay too. If I started to cry and lose it - that's when they did too. I'm not explaining this very well. It's just that they worried about me. I just noticed this. I'm not suggesting you behave falsely - I'm not sure how old your son is and how much he understands. But this is the time to really dig deep and be there for your son and show him that nothing else matters except you and him staying together and being safe for now. Tomorrow is another day. Get through today and tonight safely. Move past the shock without losing yourself in it and start talking to people who can help you to formulate a plan for what needs to happen next. I mean I know being stable in terms of accommodation is very important but not as important as your emotional stability right now.

You have already shown him you have a hell of a lot of guts by leaving an abusive relationship. You have shown him that when things get bad you can cope and you will protect and provide for him. It might not be great but you will do everything necessary to stand up and get things sorted. In the short term this may mean a shelter and making sure he has food. This doesn't mean it will be like this forever. You will sort this out. Utilise every resource you can to work towards better accommodation and circumstances.

I know you are overwhelmed right now and that is understandable. Totally understandable. Please do not do anything to hurt yourself to force your therapists hand. Going into a institution right now straight after losing your home is extremely difficult but you are an adult. Your son will look to you and what you do right now...will be imprinted on him. He may not know all the problems you have faced and do face but he will know the only rock in his life, the only safe person in his life is you. Be that safe and strong person for him even if you cannot do it for yourself. It's easy to be steady and safe while circumstances allow it. But when things get turned upside down..that's when being steady and safe really, really means something. Please remember that.

The only thing that matters right now is that you are both safe and everything from there can be worked out. :hug:

 

[Happyplace76]

Oh I'm so sorry @Happyplace76 - This is a bad turn of events. I was really hopi...

@blackemerald1 my mind right now is exhausted - or in shock but I can't thank you enough - honestly, for this message. I've made a few calls - one to a friend - he's going to talk to his landlord but on cash - until I'm working, not sure how I'd afford it. We have a spot at the women's shelter - I've never been in a shelter before. I feel like such a complete and utter failure - even though what they did was illegal and most of the circumstances that led up to this was out of my control - so that makes me angry. I just spent a year doing everything I could to get my son off our old street where this kid (after 3 years of bullying) physically attacked him. Took a crappy job but it was one where I could serve others (driving medical patients) but I was working 12 hour days. Then found dream job and lost that due to my son getting ran over and then the other accident, the psychopath/abuse. All for what???? To end up getting evicted, losing my housing assistance, my hope for being able to go back and finish up my degree, my son to have to live in a shelter with me? Lose everything I've accumulated in 20 years - and I'm simple so there's not much but still...

I think you said everything perfectly... I'm trying to keep it together but the ptsd makes it real hard. He knows that I've been fighting this but won't know until he gets home from school today. I think as soon as the writ is purchased by sleazeball attorney (and he is) I'll have a few days - but also the shelter can only hold our place for a little while. My friend wants me to appeal - but black, I just don't have the energy. I've only had a few SI thoughts today but I caught myself saying I didn't have enough money to put everything in storage because I have my phone I have to pay in a few days - so I think they're just passing thoughts otherwise I wouldn't be thinking about paying a bill in the future. I'm also waiting for my case manager at the shelter to call me - or I have to call her around 2. I did shower.

As far as my son, he's just seriously an amazing kid... like I couldn't have asked God for a better son. I feel like I've FAILED him his whole life - he's 12 - but bc of ADHD and the other autism like condition he has, he acts way younger. He's also on the little side. I hear you completely and 100 agree - it's something I've been trying to work on appearing in control for him in the last few weeks - and have gotten better from where I was in March. Gosh if there had been a time to admit it was then.

I think I will have reread your post a few times in the next few days for encouragement...You said some of the things that both my friend and my therapist didn't that has helped. Thank you very very much :hug::hug:

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh Happy...I'm glad my message got to you and please believe me I understand what you are saying and I really get it - it's all a huge shock. If you are going to feel anything or think anything then know these things....
Despite what has happened:-
You are strong, really strong,
It's not your fault...none of this,
You are not to blame,
You are not a failure,
You have not failed your son in any way at all,
Your son will understand whatever you decide to tell him,
Smile and comfort him when he struggles,
Your bond with him will be even stronger,
You will get another job,
You will finish University,
Then you will get a great job,
Your son will thrive and grow up to be a wonderful, intelligent and kind man,
Be proud of him just the way he is,
He loves you and rightly so,
He needs you and you need him,
You are irreplaceable,
Nobody can be a better mother than you,
PTSD is a long haul but it is managable,
Ask for help from all available places and people,
You make good & healthy decisions,
Take really good care of yourself,
Don't look backwards Happy...make plans...short, medium and long term,
Setbacks are inevitable but that's all they are,
Can't is NOT in your vocabulary,
You already are a fantastic mother, :hug:
Think kind things about yourself Happy!

Sending you my hugs and prayers,

:hug::hug:
b1
Please let me know how you are going.

 

[Happyplace76]

Oh Happy...I'm glad my message got to you and please believe me I understand what you are saying a...

@blackemerald1 :hug::bawling:... thank you. We go into the shelter on Friday. The writ was issued today, not on my door yet so don't know how many days I have, but it doesn't matter too much - my friend is letting me put some of my stuff that I can fit in my car in his house (we can't stay there, he's got section 8 and so it's not allowed). If the bailiff posts it on my door tomorrow I could have until next Tuesday because Monday is Memorial Day. Exhausted... going to have a lot to do tomorrow, hope I don't freeze up. I did today. Thank you so much for the support, the kind, kind words. He took it ok...like I said this kid is just the greatest... goes with the flow - just hope one day he doesn't hate me for all he had to go through. I'm looking into moving back down to Cincinnati - I have a good friend down there who said we could come. Just have to wait for some money here in a few weeks and maybe get the car fixed for a highway trip. Not sure though... I do feel like I need a safe place to get my bearings, and the shelter could do it. God comforted me today with all the kind support I've received between here, my therapist, two of my friends, you. Not telling my aunt. She knew this was all going down and could've done a lot more than nothing. She doesn't really care - family doesn't care up here - if anything it's just depressing and triggering knowing they're around. Hope they enjoy their nice big houses and yards this Memorial Day weekend. My good friend Jessica knows how they've been. Cinci was where I moved after my son was born - had family back then down there but they've all moved out of state. Honestly I'm feeling kind of angry right now, about the whole situation, what it's done to me, but I think you might be right. If I have any chance here I'm going to have to start looking forward and not backwards.

 

[blackemerald1]

my friend is letting me put some of my stuff that I can fit in my car in his house

This is a good idea. I'm pleased at least some of your stuff will not be lost.

Exhausted... going to have a lot to do tomorrow, hope I don't freeze up. I did today.

Yes I can well imagine you are exhausted. I remember driving out of town, at night, with my children, my dog and a car squeezed full of things I would need. I had a long, anxious drive with no real destination except to put a lot of miles behind me. I was tired before I even started the car.

Do the essentials Happy. Don't sweat the small stuff.

What do you do if you freeze up? Do you have something you can do to come away from it and refocus on the task at hand?

just hope one day he doesn't hate me

He will never hate you for this Happy. He might challenge you or even struggle with why but not hate. He knows you are doing your best and that along with your love is all that he needs. He will probably admire you when he is older. You know us women can survive and thrive despite the stupid system and abhorrent behaviour of ignorant people.

moving back down to Cincinnati - I have a good friend down there

I am so glad you have a good friend you in the real world who will welcome you Happy - you need that.

feel like I need a safe place to get my bearings, and the shelter could do it.

Yes this is good thinking, the shelter should be a safe place to gather your thoughts...I am glad you have this place available. How long can you stay there? Is there a time limit?

God comforted me today

He is always hanging around through the good and the bad times...keep the faith Happy.

family doesn't care up here - if anything it's just depressing and triggering knowing they're around.

Well they are missing out on a great opportunity to behave in a healthy and compassionate way towards their own kindred. Shame on them.

I'm feeling kind of angry right now,

I can appreciate that you would be feeling angry right now. I think that is perfectly normal. Are you able to use that anger to motivate yourself to get things done and dusted and advocate for your son and you.

:hug:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Women's/Children's shelters can be very supportive places. And can help in a lot of ways beyond housing, and transitioning from their to independence, they probably also can get you connected with resources that can help you cope with all this.

Believe it or not you may not feel like it, you are actually handling this better than some of us would. I know personally I would end up on a psych ward over something like this, in fact I have in the past when similar circumstances existed in my life. Build on your strengths, and what is working. Treat the negatives as just that. Problems to be solved and turned into a positive.

 

[Happyplace76]

This is a good idea. I'm pleased at least some of your stuff will not be lost.



Yes I can well i...

Women's/Children's shelters can be very supportive places. And can help in a lot of ways bey...

Thank you, and I almost did admit myself but couldn’t bc no care for my son other than foster care. I wanted to kill myself before the bailiff would come on my sons last day of school. That was the original plan.

We are here now - last night was our second night.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @Happyplace76 - I guess in the scheme of things at least you are in a safe place for now. It's not ideal but far better than being out with no shelter or protection.

I know this place is only temporary and now you have to rethink what to do next. Does this place offer any other services aside from accommodation? If so, though I know you must be overwhelmed with the disruption please ask and reach out to everything that is offered. Apply and advocate for your son and yourself. Keep the faith @Happyplace76 - you are strong!

Please let us know how you are getting along.

:hug:
b1

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Happyplace76 I am glad to hear your somewhere safe. I don't know where you are but where I am they have several crisis intervention avenues, we have mobile crisis (they come out to the client and its free), we have 211 which is a hotline that covers everything from rape/assault, CSA/ASA, suicide (they are the local Natl Suicide Hotline entity), and any thing else that is a crisis. The people who run the 211 in our area also run the battered womens/childrens shelter, and Life Crisis which is their Rape/Assault Crisis center (the do companion and counselling). I actually saw them for my CSA/ASA and EMDR. (and they are free). In our area the city itself has a homeless initiative.

I suspect nearby similar resources exist.

Since your having so much trouble getting fairness, and action where you are, have you thought about relocating to somewhere not far away that is better equipped to offer solutions that fit your needs?