My Ex-wife

[Mytime]

I can understand your anger. When are needs aren't being met, it the first thing we feel. Along with sadness and loneliness.

I wish I could take away the feeling of shame, for wanting to be loved, held, cared for.
But I would like to say it's natural to want through things in life.
We want those things from the moment we're born.
As baby's we cry because we're hungry and need changing but we also cry when we want to be held, to feel safe and comfort, to release stress.
All the things you asked for are natural to self growth as a child and as an adult.
Without it we don't grow. When we are kids and hurt ourselfs we look for comfort. It can be a kiss on your boo boo, or a hug with soft words. But the little things make a difference.
As an adult it can be a bad day or your stressed with work or life.
But knowing someone is there to understand, to give you a hug and say love you. You feel understood, safe, Secure,loved,strong because you know you can give it back.

For you wanting all those things, I only see your beauty. Sending hugs.

 

[Nessa7]

I don't think it's petty to feel angry. I would consider it a sign that you're processing your feelings about your ex-wife and divorce. You can't let your anger go until you allow yourself to feel it.

 

[Stickler]

The thing is?
One, I was pressuring someone for sex for a long long time after it was very obvious that my sexuality was unwanted and disgusting?

...I could not figure out what I was doing wrong.

If she'd said something like: "It's not that I can't orgasm, I just don't want to with any other people, and I hate sex!"
Then I would have stopped.

Otoh I would have given her a choice between a divorce or an open marriage. I asked for the latter a couple times out of loneliness and desperation and...nope. She was a control freak.
I literally said, when asking, "Just let me take my grotty little needs elsewhere so you don't have to be bothered by them anymore, alright?"
She just said " No."

But I think I was sexually abusing my wife.

I STOPPED as soon as she said no, but I would try again in a day. In a few days. That's creepy and wrong.

I'm finally realizing that sex in the beginning was an attempt to conform and be normal on her part. Then later it was increasingly grudging attempts to humor me?
It was all fake. All of it.

 

[Gs172003]

I am afraid to ask for what I need. I asked for what I needed with her?

She's high functioning Asperg...

My grandma was the opposite. She got nicer. Thank God lol

 

[Stickler]

I can understand your anger. When are needs aren't being met, it the first thing we feel. Along with sad...

I learned I will not be understood.
I learned that asking for affection is dangerous.
I learned I was NOT worth anyone's best effort.
I learned I was a nuisance.
I learned I was stupid.

I was morally wrong to sexually harass her.
I should have informed her I'd be seeing other people.
Not asked for permission, because she never understood me.
Nor did she want to, her need for human closeness was much less.
I needed what was, to her, an overwhelming level of affection, and I ought to have got it.

 

[Gs172003]

I learned I will not be understood.
I learned that asking for affection is dangerous.
I lear...

Do me a favor. Reread your posts. Then read them again.

She was obviously wrong about some things. But to sit there and say she owed you the right to cheat? It's not controlling to want your partner to be faithful.

Oh. Heck. No.

Nobody owes you the right to screw around on them. You are free to end the relationship as you apparently did, but you are not entitled to have someone accept you sleeping with someone else on the side. You said yourself she attempted to please you sexually and it wasn't good enough for you. You don't even know why she was having trouble.

I'm sorry but that really ticked me off.

 

[Nessa7]

Yeah, I don't know that telling your wife that you planned on cheating on her would have been the solution to your problems. I think it's great that you're working through the ways that both of you were hurt by your relationship, but that would have just ended up being another way that you hurt her. It does not sound like a relationship that was salvagable. Some people are not meant to be together.