I have to agree with
@NaeNae75 here, even though the sentence was misinterpreted in this instance. In light of the OP’s other recent posts, I’d also advise to keep your eyes open for codependent tendencies. Codependency doesn’t always mean “fixing.” In fact, a good codependent can swing the other way, not get involved at all, just “be there,” and in the process subconsciously adapt all needs, wants, and behaviors to suit the sufferer’s condition.
A short while ago, the OP’s partner wasn’t even in communication with her. It’s normal to be relieved when communication restarts, but it’s codependent to swallow the hurt and pain something like that causes as to not make the sufferer disappear again. This is not a conscious process. So I’d say that a sentence like “taking care of myself means taking care of the relationship” can also be code for “if I manage my anxiety, wants, and needs well enough, he’ll stay and we’ll work out.” Taking care of yourself shouldn’t be contingent on how likely that’ll keep someone around.
@Jay02 I don’t mean to be a Debbie downer here. Obviously I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship. But I have to say this also: education in this context can be a double edged sword. On the one hand, it’s very important to know how this illness manifests to be able to put some stuff into context. On the other, the more you think you know, the higher the risk of excusing painful and hurtful realities under the guise of PTSD. If something hurts, it hurts. When something doesn’t meet your needs, it doesn’t meet your needs. It doesn’t matter what he’s suffering from. Just keep that in mind.
