My Hostile Reaction

[Sighs]

Some of you may have seen a recent thread by a trainee counselor asking us to share our experiences so that she can gain a better understanding of PTSD and use that to help her clients.

Why is my reaction to this so hostile? I'm furious. This must be some kind of projection because the poor girl hasn't done anything wrong.

Does anyone else find many therapists condescending and pompous? Or have I had a bad run? I find so many of them set themselves up as "experts" and pretend to have the answers but when rubber hits the road they just sit there and look at you. Then they comment on how fascinating it all is but time is up and they take your money and kick you out the door.

I feel like these people don't have the first clue what those of us living it deal with. (So why am I so angry with one who has actually come to the forum and asked us?)

Has anyone actually found talking about their trauma helpful? I just don't get it.

 

[scout86]

I had to laugh when I saw this thread! I felt a little the same way, although, as you said, she did nothing wrong is seems to be trying to learn which is a GOOD thing.

I think the reason it may have gotten my back up a little is that it's easy to get the feeling that you're being treated as a lab rat. not a human being. I don't think for a second that's her real attitude, but the fact that someone is asking "us" about our experiences suggests that there's a "them". I suppose, in some ways, there is.

The only T I know is mine, and he's not at all condescending or pompous. He's actually more kind, funny, and quirky. He acts like himself, as far as I can tell, a human being, and treats me as such as well. If he acted like he was on some kind of higher plain of existence, we wouldn't be able to work together nearly as well. (And it's sometimes hard enough as it is.) Actually, he says he's learned a few things from me too, which is kind of cool.

So, maybe we can find ways to help this young lady out in her own journey. I'm still not real sure what she's looking for.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@Sighs You are allowed to ask questions and frankly I didn't find your response hostile to that thread.

 

[Sighs]

lol - @Ayesha - if you'd seen the 5 - 6 responses I typed and deleted you would have seen the hostility!

I had just enough insight and self control to realise that I was reacting to other experiences in my life and that taking it out on someone who is only seeking to learn and help was not productive. Rather than hijack her thread I thought I'd start another one and see if anyone else had a similar reaction.

I think its because I have been told so many times by so-called experts how to handle my daughter (who has high functioning autism) and my partner (who has combat PTSD) and frankly those people don't know sh*t about what I'm dealing with!

 

[desiderata310]

Well... if it's any consolation there's a part of me that wants to be hostile and tell this person to go away. I have NEVER told my therapist that I post here and I would be very upset if he found out. I think I have told this person so much of my personal life that him being able to see what I DON'T tell him would feel like a real violation and break what very fragile trust I have managed to build with him.

I have to say that there's a part of me that feels a bit like I am a fish in a bowl when someone comes on the forum and asks questions for classes or asks for people to fill out surveys, etc.. NO goddamn it, I am not a science experiment!

I also know that if there was one thing I would wish for the folks here is that we all had really kick ass therapists who are willing to do great wonders and eat rotten cucumbers to help us sort this shit out despite ourselves. To that end, I am hesitant but willing to assist someone in becoming a good therapist. I just have to work up the nerve to PM her.

My therapist sounds a lot like yours @scout86. Sometimes I wonder if we don't share the same therapist! In any case, I wouldn't be able to work with someone who thought that much of themselves either. Too many issues there. Too much water under that bridge! I would smell a shiester a mile away!

So...anyway.. talking about my trauma... yes and no? I have held so much inside for so long that it does take a bit of the pressure off to tell my therapist assuming I can get it out. It's intensely terrifying to talk about because in those moments SAYING things gives it teeth it doesn't have otherwise. Usually entails me freaking out that he is going to think terribly of me. If it's an especially bad memory that I've shared I am likely to have a flashback in session. Which.. increases my anxiety about my fear that he is going to dump me as a client, that he will have me locked up, that he will come back and say I am making it all up, a little of all of the above..

 

[Justmehere]

Well, you all are much wiser than I to delay your responses much longer than I did. I am now attempting to remove the foot in my mouth...

I am not very sure myself what bothered me about the thread. Nothing was really wrong about what they wrote, and even if it was, she is still learning and seems to be receptive to feedback.

It's weird though, the strong reactions that have been stirred up in so many.

The posts by the trainee made me feel like the forum was invalidated somehow. They are on the forum, but it was like they didn't see any of the threads on the forum...

So confused by my own reaction too.

 

[Sighs]

oohhh! @Justmehere just responded to the original post beautifully! I think a large part of my anger and frustration was that I felt the person had basically just posted her assignment on the forum and expected us to be able to distill a lifetime of pain to a few words which would somehow magically allow her to "understand" PTSD.

 

[Sighs]

@Justmehere - please don't remove your response to her thread! It was so polite but so well put! I'm sure people will understand that you weren't disrespecting cancer patients or people with PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

There is NO understanding..... I am a sufferer and it took years of my dad pounding that into my head before I finally accepted it.

 

[Justmehere]

@Sighs - your well worded questions and responses were kind of ignored by the original poster who was seeking "engagement." They responded without really actually engaging anyone. It reminded me of someone who sees pain happen, but doesn't really see it at all...

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I never actually saw the post but I agree with you totally, what did she actually study if she's having to ask PTSD sufferers how to do her job!!! I so agree about been used as guinea pigs, not acceptable really. Andddd do the t actually really understand what where going through? When I was seeing mine I used to rant and rave and scream and cry and she'd say it's ok I understand your pain!!!!! Really???? Once I actually did scream out how the f... Can you understand my pain, where you there, are you me,do you have some sort of gift that allows you to feel my pain ??? Because if you did you want be sitting there in your suit and perfect hair , being calm and collective , you'd be me!!!! so actually you don't know how I feel and you can't and never will understand my pain!!!! I hate it when t say that they understand the pain! A flippant sentence that means nothing because the only person that understands their pain is the person that's suffered it, has lived it, felt it, living it , and is suffering it !!!

 

[Suzetig]

Yep it annoyed me a bit too. If she's just training, she needs to learn the basics of building a therapeutic relationship and building a network of support people to consult with. There are a gazillion books about trauma response that she could read to gain theoretical knowledge - lazy, lazy research trying to do it here.