Hi Angej. I am sorry that you found this place under the worst of circumstances and especially to have PTSD tainted upon your family's life and spouse due to a painful, abusive or trauma-filled childhood.
I can't tell you from a strong supporter's aspect of what PTSD does but I can tell that surviving my own PTSD from child abuse trauma that the road is long, hard, difficult but not impossible to reach and gain even with a family.
You have come to the right place and no, you are not alone and neither are any of the PTSD survivors on here or supporters. Have you shared this forum with your husband too? Just a thought that it may be something you could do together or separate. But he needs to know that he is not alone also.
I was married in 1995 and my husband knew that I was abused as a child but never knew the depths of abuse I endured and even with therapy and seeking medical help through out our entire marriage, it was not until 2009 before I became diagnosed with PTSD. This is when I shared all with my husband. It took me from 1995-2009 to fully open up to even him to tell him of the horrible acts committed against me by my biological father, biological mother and my grandparents.
I have talked to many male survivors of child abuse and it is so hard for males to come forth and open up with the truth within and all they have endured. Society makes it very hard on males to speak about abuse and violations to their mind, bodies, and souls as children. It should never be like this and no child should ever have to suffer because of abuse and it is not fair to you or your family, no more than it is,than my own family of the many health complications and ramifications that come along from the effects of surviving child abuse trauma and abuse.
But you are very strong, brave and courageous in reaching out for your own strength and to care enough to care for your husband and daughter given everything.
I can tell you that the advice given here of thinking before you speak or leap is the best advice I can give you too. I seen where others have advised this also. This may be something healthy you could also talk to your husband and daughter about as well. Not doing things in the spur of the moment that could cause additional hurt, even if in words.
Many times, I have been in tears running down my face and have thought of walking out the door from my husband and our only teenage daughter because the pain of recovery, healing and trying to grasp and control PTSD instead of letting it control all of our lives is very hard to do at times. I have fought the notion many times that they would be better off without me and I would be better off in an institution sometimes because the pain that can occur from current day situations peak the PTSD roller coaster of triggers that have occurred. They won't let me go and I could never go. The bad days will leave and the good days will return again with family focus, everyone working together and talking openly and honestly with one another. It is truly a family effort and especially a PTSD survivor has an obligation to this effort also even when emotionally exhausting.
Though, our situation is very different, it is quite the same in many ways. PTSD is not easy to understand but I do believe it holds common elements for all involved like: it inflicts emotional pain, hurt, confusion,exhaustion and isolation to anyone near it at times. Every PTSD survivor is different. Every family situation and supporter is different for every PTSD survivor. But somehow, the most we can hope for is that love, strength, support, truth and honesty will prevail for a PTSD survivor and for the wonderful supporters that do try to help them.
I wish you much strength, courage, bravery, and safety for you and your family to learn together to overcome a disorder that no one asked for but together hopefully you can work toward coping together thru it. You may try reading the posts of childhood abuse survivors to help you better understand what your husband is going through. I can only share through my female experience but pain is pain and abuse is abuse. It's even harder for male survivors of child abuse to cope, heal, and recover. Maybe you could find books to help you both out to understand the road of recovery that will help you all through this. Best wishes.
