I have been there in 2013 I found my Husband he committed suicide leaving my 3 children and I behind I didn't want to talk to anyone I didn't know what to do I shut down You have so much heart to give I'm sure you have family that loves you your Husband is looking over your shoulder when you feel the sudden chill in the room it's just your Husband letting you know his presence is near he misses you. When you find that penny in the oddest place in the house it's your husband letting you know it's going to be okay. Always know your truly loved not only by him by all your family and friends all of us here too. I can relate to what your going threw. I am truly sorry for your loss.
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My husband died today
- Post starter NarcSis
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- Post starter
- #206
Had a nightmare about his funeral last night. Woke up with my heart pounding and so terrified. I think the true numbness is wearing off.
This is the first nightmare without him here to calm me....but I survived, got calm again on my own and was able to fall back asleep again....into another nightmare.
My brain is starting to process the events and I think this is going to be the intense and difficult stage. I just want to run away again. I feel that strong urge to just get in my car and drive to the middle of nowhere but I know wherever I go my mind comes with me, so there is no escape.
The sharks are in the water again in my dreams. They haven't been there in a long time but they're back. Vulnerability maybe? Insecurity? Warning?
I wish I could skip over this tough part I hate feeling so crushed and...even the word depressed doesn't cut it, it's way deeper than that. I just don't want to feel this, I just don't.
This is the first nightmare without him here to calm me....but I survived, got calm again on my own and was able to fall back asleep again....into another nightmare.
My brain is starting to process the events and I think this is going to be the intense and difficult stage. I just want to run away again. I feel that strong urge to just get in my car and drive to the middle of nowhere but I know wherever I go my mind comes with me, so there is no escape.
The sharks are in the water again in my dreams. They haven't been there in a long time but they're back. Vulnerability maybe? Insecurity? Warning?
I wish I could skip over this tough part I hate feeling so crushed and...even the word depressed doesn't cut it, it's way deeper than that. I just don't want to feel this, I just don't.
D
Deleted member 12723
It took me a full year for me to feel better and I have heard that proper grieving lasts three years.
I understand so much not wanting it in your life and longing to go back to the way things were.
It is so hard to learn how to go from a us to a me.
I found that it is amazing what I could do withhout any choice.
I understand so much not wanting it in your life and longing to go back to the way things were.
It is so hard to learn how to go from a us to a me.
I found that it is amazing what I could do withhout any choice.
- Post starter
- #208
Lionheart
Not Active
I wanted to know how you were holding up...I think it is okay to feel or be out of control, letting go is hard!!!
I just wanted to say that I hear you and I am in your corner.
...I really don't know what else to say, but I wanted to send you a gentle, healing hug and tell you that I am so deeply sorry for your pain and anguish!!! *(I am a sexual child abuse survivor and I have come close to ending my own life on several past occasions).
I keep running into this thread and my heart truly goes out to you!!!
If having a friend to talk with helps you at all, I will be here. We can talk here or you can private message me if you wish.
You and others who loved him deserve to be at peace, as does he. If it is okay with you, I'd like to pray for all concerned, that love will finally bring comfort and give you peace.
Wish there was more I could do to ease your suffering.
I just wanted to say that I hear you and I am in your corner.
...I really don't know what else to say, but I wanted to send you a gentle, healing hug and tell you that I am so deeply sorry for your pain and anguish!!! *(I am a sexual child abuse survivor and I have come close to ending my own life on several past occasions).
I keep running into this thread and my heart truly goes out to you!!!
If having a friend to talk with helps you at all, I will be here. We can talk here or you can private message me if you wish.
You and others who loved him deserve to be at peace, as does he. If it is okay with you, I'd like to pray for all concerned, that love will finally bring comfort and give you peace.
Wish there was more I could do to ease your suffering.
Can you try to visualize the kind of help you want right now? besides your husband's sorely missed help.
What do you want? Who would you accept help from?
Keep hanging in there and gradually helpers will appear. I'm a believer in small mercies.
(What about your sister? Any movement on her leaving? This seems like a toxic situation for you to have her there long term?)
Sending all the best wishes for you that I can. No judgement, no pressure.
What do you want? Who would you accept help from?
Keep hanging in there and gradually helpers will appear. I'm a believer in small mercies.
(What about your sister? Any movement on her leaving? This seems like a toxic situation for you to have her there long term?)
Sending all the best wishes for you that I can. No judgement, no pressure.
- Post starter
- #212
I would like someone to just read my mind and handle this insurance stuff. It's going to give me a heart attack. I feel like I'm up against a wall again. My sister doesn't really know what she's doing. My brothers seem to have given the impression that this was some kind of accident...I don't want to deal with the coroner...it brings back some seriously bad memories. It seems there is no option but for me to deal with this.
Uggh. But today was a distraction day. Family came over, there was laughter, chatter, food and no one talked about that day just happy memories.
It made me feel better but I was happy to see them go, while my sister was sad to see them go.
The only threat I had was one brother pushing the discussion about selling or renegotiating my mortgage - things I'm so not ready to even think about yet. He speaks like he's some kind of authority on the subject, authority is his thing and it's a thing that always gets me defensive. I'm not stupid and I'm not a child. I'm a full grown woman who not only now has to contend with being a sudden widow, she has to contend with the aftermath of suicide, grieving and chronic PTSD.
This is more on my plate than I'd ever imagined facing in my lifetime.
Everything is a complete nightmare to me right now.
Tomorrow we're having dinner with two of hubby's old colleagues, my mentors when I was a young medic. I'm looking forward to it but nervous as well. I don't want it to turn into a discussion of bad calls from work. I'm hoping it will just be friends sharing a meal.
Uggh. But today was a distraction day. Family came over, there was laughter, chatter, food and no one talked about that day just happy memories.
It made me feel better but I was happy to see them go, while my sister was sad to see them go.
The only threat I had was one brother pushing the discussion about selling or renegotiating my mortgage - things I'm so not ready to even think about yet. He speaks like he's some kind of authority on the subject, authority is his thing and it's a thing that always gets me defensive. I'm not stupid and I'm not a child. I'm a full grown woman who not only now has to contend with being a sudden widow, she has to contend with the aftermath of suicide, grieving and chronic PTSD.
This is more on my plate than I'd ever imagined facing in my lifetime.
Everything is a complete nightmare to me right now.
Tomorrow we're having dinner with two of hubby's old colleagues, my mentors when I was a young medic. I'm looking forward to it but nervous as well. I don't want it to turn into a discussion of bad calls from work. I'm hoping it will just be friends sharing a meal.
- Post starter
- #213
Fell asleep with my glasses in bed and broke them. Life just keeps testing me. When do I throw in the towel and relinquish all control over my life?
It just all seems like too much all at once.
I keep being told that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for and I'm functioning better than I give myself credit for but I don't feel like I am.
My T is worried about my survival under all of this pressure, especially the financial pressure because it's always been such an anxiety trigger for me.
I'm having the lost and being chased dreams again.
I don't know the limits of my strength. I don't know how much more this body can take before it starts to fail. I may be psychologically strong but to what end in terms of how my body is reacting to the stress?
I just need some of this pressure off, please God. I just want to be able to start to mourn and grieve properly. I just want to start having things just fall into place so I can start again. Please, God.
It just all seems like too much all at once.
I keep being told that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for and I'm functioning better than I give myself credit for but I don't feel like I am.
My T is worried about my survival under all of this pressure, especially the financial pressure because it's always been such an anxiety trigger for me.
I'm having the lost and being chased dreams again.
I don't know the limits of my strength. I don't know how much more this body can take before it starts to fail. I may be psychologically strong but to what end in terms of how my body is reacting to the stress?
I just need some of this pressure off, please God. I just want to be able to start to mourn and grieve properly. I just want to start having things just fall into place so I can start again. Please, God.
Friday
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Down here there are Family Law Attorneys that specialize in grief & bereavement.
Do you have any old coworkers / friends you could set to finding a good one for you? Or could your T be put on that trail? They would take care of all the things you are talking of being too much for you; insurance (even purposefully excluded spouses can be assigned by court order to recieve benefits, much less very clear cases of he never quite got around to changing ing beneficiaries), speeding up insurance payouts, contacting creditors & paying bills, arranging grief & bereavement loans while insurance companies dither, all of the motherf*cking paperwork, etc.
You're in my thoughts, Medic.
Do you have any old coworkers / friends you could set to finding a good one for you? Or could your T be put on that trail? They would take care of all the things you are talking of being too much for you; insurance (even purposefully excluded spouses can be assigned by court order to recieve benefits, much less very clear cases of he never quite got around to changing ing beneficiaries), speeding up insurance payouts, contacting creditors & paying bills, arranging grief & bereavement loans while insurance companies dither, all of the motherf*cking paperwork, etc.
You're in my thoughts, Medic.
D
Deleted member 12723
It is hard to deal with the finacial end of things after a tradgey. I am so sorry that you broke your glasses. I think that you are so overwhelmed with everything, that everything becomes a huge hassle.
But there is also hope in your own capabilities that you have not discovered yet and everything is still so fresh in your mind. A financial advisor would be the first thing on a list to get so you get some help so you can rest.
I know it is so hard to have to be responsible when your husband was doing things for you but have hope because you can do this. Look at what you have accomplished already.
I had so much anxiety when my husband got sick and I had to take over his responsibilites and my hands used to shake when paying bills. I had to become the full time driver and that was when my fear of driving on the freeway began along with the anxiety.
Have someone clean your house for you so it does not eat away at you.
Put off dealing with your husbands things until you feel more calm and stronger.
The family dynamics have changed without your husband as you have learned and you will have to fight for yourself and limit your family with newer boundaries ok?
You are doing so well writing things out here and getting support here.
You can do these things but baby steps starting with the most important first. I am praying for you. Hugs.
But there is also hope in your own capabilities that you have not discovered yet and everything is still so fresh in your mind. A financial advisor would be the first thing on a list to get so you get some help so you can rest.
I know it is so hard to have to be responsible when your husband was doing things for you but have hope because you can do this. Look at what you have accomplished already.
I had so much anxiety when my husband got sick and I had to take over his responsibilites and my hands used to shake when paying bills. I had to become the full time driver and that was when my fear of driving on the freeway began along with the anxiety.
Have someone clean your house for you so it does not eat away at you.
Put off dealing with your husbands things until you feel more calm and stronger.
The family dynamics have changed without your husband as you have learned and you will have to fight for yourself and limit your family with newer boundaries ok?
You are doing so well writing things out here and getting support here.
You can do these things but baby steps starting with the most important first. I am praying for you. Hugs.
D
Deleted member 17302
I'm sorry for your loss. It must feel pretty bad like losing half your body and mind into an oblivion that you can't pull them from. Others have already said great advice and you most likely know more than is listed, however just in case and because I hope someone would tell me anything that could possibly help, I will list a few things. Surround yourself even if you feel you want to hide. They will bring a little light and support to your dark moments and heavy heart. The shock is not forever, so please seek support groups, go to church if you are religious or if you feel it just might help you even if you don't talk the environment is supportive. Counseling may be expensive, but if you have health insurance try to go while you still are in shock and capable of somewhat clear thoughts. If no insurance, try to seek advice of how to get the counseling from the state insurance location in your state even if you are not looking for the insurance. They have connections they can connect you with. Churches also may have ways to connect you.
In the end however, I'm sorry for your loss and no words or actions I or many others can show will remove the pain you feel, but only support you from further depths in which pain can drive a person long enough that you can sort through your feelings and see a bit of light without the support so that you may continue to live and see brighter days once again. It won't ever go away, but you will be able to cope with it better as time goes on so that you can see those brighter days again. You may not want to see them ever again, but for now, seek stability and comfort so that at some point it may come around again.
In the end however, I'm sorry for your loss and no words or actions I or many others can show will remove the pain you feel, but only support you from further depths in which pain can drive a person long enough that you can sort through your feelings and see a bit of light without the support so that you may continue to live and see brighter days once again. It won't ever go away, but you will be able to cope with it better as time goes on so that you can see those brighter days again. You may not want to see them ever again, but for now, seek stability and comfort so that at some point it may come around again.
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