My Husband Dont Understand

[kimrobinson]

I was diagnosed with PTSD about 8 years ago. I was sexually mentally and physically abused by my step dad for many years. I tend to get very emotional very easy and add that on to anger depression anxiety and then with added on flash backs nightmares and images that stay in my head. I've been to countless therapists and been on countless medications but at this moment am not on anything.

When I get all the symptoms or even just the uncontrollable emotions my husband gets mad and annoyed with me and thinks that its just for attention. I've tried explaining that its caused by my PTSD and very hard to control but he don't believe me and refuses to understand and it makes me feel even more crazy than what I am.

How do I get him to understand that this isn't my fault and its a real problem that I have to face everyday. I'm lost on what to do. Please help with some advice so I can help my husband understand what I'm really going through and that this isn't for attention, its real..

 

[Pooh71]

That's a very difficult situation, and I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing it. One thing that worked for my partner was to invite him to a few of my sessions, allowing him to ask questions, and have him join in the process. For us it worked well, but your husband needs to be at least a little open to it.

Alternatively, articles online abound regarding PTSD, so they could also help. After the few sessions, my partner began to devour information regarding the PTSD, and while he still is sometimes annoyed, it's more out of a sense of helplessness than anything else.

 

[macca]

Hi there. That's really hard. Same thing used to happen to me, it sounds like it triggers you further, as it did me. My husband would get angry, take my reactions personally, act like I'm being a drama queen, etc. He seemed to have zero empathy. For me, it has really helped us when he had a session with me, and also it helped when he read the article on this site - "Understanding PTSD". I hope your husband is open to it. Wishing you good luck, I hope this works for you.

 

[Jugsaw]

Your husband must be making things so much worse he needs to be told his tough love policy could actually be the cause of your symptoms at the moment ... Even when your strong mind can forget and move on your body remembers you need a supportive nurturing enviroment around you.

The more understanding he is the less your symptoms so the balls in his court if he really wants this to improve its him who needs to change his reaction

 

[kimrobinson]

Thank you everyone. I'll try and have him read up on it. It really does make things worse. Its nice to know that people understand and I'm not alone.

 

[TLight]

Sounds like he's being slightly abusive. No one should discount someone else's emotions, a loving thing to do is to have an open ear and be empathetic.

Yes, have him read.

I had to finally leave mine, after 5 years of pleaing with him and explaining what triggers and him still being as ass........I finally had to leave or else I'd have likely committed suicide.

 

[TeaLeaf]

Your husband saying your reactions are "just for attention" makes me really sad. Clearly you could think of better ways to get attention if that was the reason for your reactions?! I wonder if you could have a sit down talk with him when the two of you are both in a good place to listen and be heard and explain to him that his reactions to you are not helpful and request he handle himself differently and give examples of what he could do or say to help.

That is a very stressful and hard situation and I have been through it myself as well. One way I handled this was increasing my self care skills to where I could better self sooth myself and manage my emotions on my own. That way my husband didn't feel like he had to sooth me or take care of my feelings more than he could handle. Yes, it may seem unfair and seem like you have to "fix" things because he doesn't have the capacity to be there in the way you need him too and that is maybe where things are at right now. I have come to understand better my husbands perspective and the effects my illness has on him, it's hard on him and sometimes scary when I have meltdowns. And for a partner that does not have PTSD, I think it is really hard for them to really grasp the concept that things that happened so long ago still have a profound effect on your life even if they are aware of it.

I wonder if you are planning on going back to therapy at some point? I say this because the abuse you suffered as a child was awful on so many levels and because the abuser was a family member and long term abuse takes a long time to heal from. I can unfortunately relate to your experience of ongoing abuse, multiple types of abuse and it being at the hands of a parent.

I hope that things get better with your trauma reactions and also with your relationship with your husband. Its a hard place to be in.

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm really sorry you are being treated that way. :( I don't know how to change peoples minds.