I am new to this page and would like to share my story.
First of all I want to apologize. English is not my mother tongue but I will try to express myself as good as possible.
I came to the states in August 2014 and met my husband within the first 3 weeks I was here. He was a Marine and was deployed in Afghanistan. When he came back he was diagnosed with PTSD, TBI, depression and anxiety. From the first moment we met he was honest with me about his medical history and told me it is not easy to be with him. Within the first couple weeks of being with him I saw a great improvement in his behavior and habits. He stopped drinking, quit smoking and became a A student again. We went through a lot together, spent intense time together. He was always 100% commited to me, I was his life, his rock. In 2015 we decided to get married. Only a couple days after we got married I noticed a change. He started to go out more. First it was 1-2 times a week, then 3-4 times a week until he went out every single night. He started smoking and drinking again and met the wrong people Usually he left at 9PM and came back around 3-5 AM, drunk. He had better times when he went out only for a couple hours or not every night but also worse times when he left at 4PM and came back at 8AM. His life was focused on going out at night. His grades at school dropped, we spent less time together. But he still did everything possible to make me happy, show me how much he loves me. In June 2016 he asked me for help. We went to therapist, psychologists and psychiatists and he got medication for his depression. He changed over night. Happy, care free, the man I fell in love with. Unfortunalety, after he finished his course of medication he thought he was doing better and could do it by his own. He got depressed again within days. Went back to his bad habit. During the day he slept while he was full of energy at night. In December 2016 he did so much better. He stayed at home for a couple days in a row, went out only a couple nights for a few hours. He told me he wanted to find a job and stop with school. Like always I supported him the best I can. He applied all over the country. No positive response back though. He fell into a deep hole. He stayed in bed all day, told me that he feels like a loser, he can not offer me anything, he can not be the husband he wants to be. I tried to offer him help but he refused.
Beginning of March he took off the first time. He stayed at his “drinking buddies” place for a week to think about his life and if he still wants to be with me. On day 6 he came home, told me he never wants a divorce, loves me unconditionally, I am his family and his life and we need to work on things like he needs to find a job. His positive attitude lasted only for a couple days. Mid of March he took off the second time. This is going on now for 4 weeks that he left me. In the first 2 weeks he texted me how much he loves me and misses me. He even came home twice to check on me. Every time he told me he needs more time and I have to bear with him. Time apart will make us stronger and show us that we belong together.
But he also said he needs time and needs to think if he still wants to put me through all of this because it is not fair to me. In week 3 he told me that he does not want to be with me anymore and it has nothing to do what I've done. He still wants to be friends and will talk to me on the upcoming Saturday about the reasons. I did not reply to this message. 20 min later he texted me again how much he loves me and nothing will change this love. The next day he texted me if I am ok or if I killed myself or did anything crazy. He also asked if I damaged the apartment. Probably he reflected his own actions and what would have he done in this situation. When I texted him back he felt relief. Friday he texted me if I still need to talk or just want to file for divorce. I told him that I truly believe we need to talk. He said he is not ready and wants to do things properly and told me to wait 2 more weeks. More messages followed with I love you. He is just confusing me. Nothing makes sense. Nothing adds up. Monday he came home in the morning, unexpected. He could easily avoid me and wait 10 more minutes until I leave for work. He told me he loves me. At 7 PM he woke up and within seconds he left the house without saying where he goes. The only thing he said was “I love you”. He texted me later and said he needed a drink and will tell me later what happened and get his sleep medication on Tuesday when I am at work. Tuesday morning at 4.20 AM he walked in, took his dog, his sleep medication and left. Every since I haven't seen him. We are still texting here and there. But he said nothing about divorce or separation again. He just mentioned that he has a psychiatrist appointment in 3 weeks. Usually he skipped all his appointments in the past. I figured out that he lives in a condo (either by himself – what I believe is finacial impossible or with someone). You can ren t those condos from 1 month up to 12 months depending on the renter. I still thought he lives with his drinking buddy. Maybe he has time now to think about everything without bad influence. This is my hope. Our rent is due in a week and I am kind of concerned what will happen. He texted me 2 days ago a good night message and that he loves me. I dont believe that he wants to leave me. He just thinks that is the only solution right now to protect me. He is confused, does not know better what to do with his life. He tries to test me, to see how easy I would leave him, how easy I would make it when he pushes me away.
I told him that I am here for him and will help him but he needs help. The most difficult thing is not to text him all the time how much I love and miss him. I know it will make him feel bad about himself and it wont help the situation. I need to give him his time to figure out what is best for him. I stay strong for him, show him I am here for him and support him. I honestly do not know when he is coming back or how our conversation will look like. There is also no guarantee that he wont leave me but I have to stay positive.
For myself it is very important to share my story here because I know there are more people out there with the same story and I want to show them that they are not alone. I thought at the beginning I am alone, the only thing I've heard was “why dont you leave him" - even from the therapist. Where is my limit? I will never figure out until I reach it and I wont give up on my husband. I have to be patient with him and myself and live day by day but still support him the best I can.
I am very grateful for every advice and postive comment.
First of all I want to apologize. English is not my mother tongue but I will try to express myself as good as possible.
I came to the states in August 2014 and met my husband within the first 3 weeks I was here. He was a Marine and was deployed in Afghanistan. When he came back he was diagnosed with PTSD, TBI, depression and anxiety. From the first moment we met he was honest with me about his medical history and told me it is not easy to be with him. Within the first couple weeks of being with him I saw a great improvement in his behavior and habits. He stopped drinking, quit smoking and became a A student again. We went through a lot together, spent intense time together. He was always 100% commited to me, I was his life, his rock. In 2015 we decided to get married. Only a couple days after we got married I noticed a change. He started to go out more. First it was 1-2 times a week, then 3-4 times a week until he went out every single night. He started smoking and drinking again and met the wrong people Usually he left at 9PM and came back around 3-5 AM, drunk. He had better times when he went out only for a couple hours or not every night but also worse times when he left at 4PM and came back at 8AM. His life was focused on going out at night. His grades at school dropped, we spent less time together. But he still did everything possible to make me happy, show me how much he loves me. In June 2016 he asked me for help. We went to therapist, psychologists and psychiatists and he got medication for his depression. He changed over night. Happy, care free, the man I fell in love with. Unfortunalety, after he finished his course of medication he thought he was doing better and could do it by his own. He got depressed again within days. Went back to his bad habit. During the day he slept while he was full of energy at night. In December 2016 he did so much better. He stayed at home for a couple days in a row, went out only a couple nights for a few hours. He told me he wanted to find a job and stop with school. Like always I supported him the best I can. He applied all over the country. No positive response back though. He fell into a deep hole. He stayed in bed all day, told me that he feels like a loser, he can not offer me anything, he can not be the husband he wants to be. I tried to offer him help but he refused.
Beginning of March he took off the first time. He stayed at his “drinking buddies” place for a week to think about his life and if he still wants to be with me. On day 6 he came home, told me he never wants a divorce, loves me unconditionally, I am his family and his life and we need to work on things like he needs to find a job. His positive attitude lasted only for a couple days. Mid of March he took off the second time. This is going on now for 4 weeks that he left me. In the first 2 weeks he texted me how much he loves me and misses me. He even came home twice to check on me. Every time he told me he needs more time and I have to bear with him. Time apart will make us stronger and show us that we belong together.
But he also said he needs time and needs to think if he still wants to put me through all of this because it is not fair to me. In week 3 he told me that he does not want to be with me anymore and it has nothing to do what I've done. He still wants to be friends and will talk to me on the upcoming Saturday about the reasons. I did not reply to this message. 20 min later he texted me again how much he loves me and nothing will change this love. The next day he texted me if I am ok or if I killed myself or did anything crazy. He also asked if I damaged the apartment. Probably he reflected his own actions and what would have he done in this situation. When I texted him back he felt relief. Friday he texted me if I still need to talk or just want to file for divorce. I told him that I truly believe we need to talk. He said he is not ready and wants to do things properly and told me to wait 2 more weeks. More messages followed with I love you. He is just confusing me. Nothing makes sense. Nothing adds up. Monday he came home in the morning, unexpected. He could easily avoid me and wait 10 more minutes until I leave for work. He told me he loves me. At 7 PM he woke up and within seconds he left the house without saying where he goes. The only thing he said was “I love you”. He texted me later and said he needed a drink and will tell me later what happened and get his sleep medication on Tuesday when I am at work. Tuesday morning at 4.20 AM he walked in, took his dog, his sleep medication and left. Every since I haven't seen him. We are still texting here and there. But he said nothing about divorce or separation again. He just mentioned that he has a psychiatrist appointment in 3 weeks. Usually he skipped all his appointments in the past. I figured out that he lives in a condo (either by himself – what I believe is finacial impossible or with someone). You can ren t those condos from 1 month up to 12 months depending on the renter. I still thought he lives with his drinking buddy. Maybe he has time now to think about everything without bad influence. This is my hope. Our rent is due in a week and I am kind of concerned what will happen. He texted me 2 days ago a good night message and that he loves me. I dont believe that he wants to leave me. He just thinks that is the only solution right now to protect me. He is confused, does not know better what to do with his life. He tries to test me, to see how easy I would leave him, how easy I would make it when he pushes me away.
I told him that I am here for him and will help him but he needs help. The most difficult thing is not to text him all the time how much I love and miss him. I know it will make him feel bad about himself and it wont help the situation. I need to give him his time to figure out what is best for him. I stay strong for him, show him I am here for him and support him. I honestly do not know when he is coming back or how our conversation will look like. There is also no guarantee that he wont leave me but I have to stay positive.
For myself it is very important to share my story here because I know there are more people out there with the same story and I want to show them that they are not alone. I thought at the beginning I am alone, the only thing I've heard was “why dont you leave him" - even from the therapist. Where is my limit? I will never figure out until I reach it and I wont give up on my husband. I have to be patient with him and myself and live day by day but still support him the best I can.
I am very grateful for every advice and postive comment.
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