My Overdose Story.

[ashdawn8287]

About a month ago I overdosed on over the counter pills. I took 54, instantly regretted it, called my fiancee at work to tell him-not for attention, but because I knew I couldn't bring myself to call for help. The ambulance men showed up and I felt stupid. The neighbors probably saw everything. The whole entire time I was wondering if my fiancee was going to show up to the hospital, as I was puking I saw him driving behind us and he turned. The guy in the ambulance didn't judge and was really nice. The doctors were nice. I had to drink some charcoal drink and stayed for 8 hours. My fiancee showed up.

I had begun taking wellburtrin 3 weeks prior, to help quit smoking. I was abusing xanax since November, never more than 1mg a day, but it was more than I was told to take in a day. I just felt xanax was the only thing that could help me since I stopped drinking, but that proved to be wrong. I don't know if it was the Wellbutrin side effects that caused me to do this or because I needed help and couldn't ask for it in a proper way.

The night before my overdose I got drunk. My fiancee and I agreed I wouldn't drink anymore. So I coped with xanax. I fought with my fiancee the night before and hurt his feelings.

I saw a psychiatrist after the over dose and I was completely honest with him about my life. I got diagnosed with PTSD. I started seeing my therapist again. It had been since December I saw her.

I had surgery a week ago for endometriosis. That's when my fiancee finally broke down. We are okay right now. The last 2 days have felt semi normal. But he doesn't talk to me. I have apologized. He is still here and showing me that he is willing to work on it with me. He saw a doctor. He has adjustment disorder. He started taking zoloft, which is huge because he is against taking medications himself. I have been seeing my therapist every week since the over dose.

I feel dumb I over dosed. It's never the answer. I feel really bad for putting my fiancee in that situation. I don't know how to forgive myself. I feel crazy for doing that to myself.

 

[cherryblossom]

Try not to be too hard on yourself. What's done is done - you can't undo it.

What you can do is to try to move forwards, which it sounds like you are doing. You have apologised to your fiancée, and you are seeing your therapist and being honest. I'm sure your fiancée is worried about you, and he has his own issues too. Give things time to settle down a little, and show him you are working through your issues. It's not easy, and therapy is tough, as is stopping alcohol and sedatives.

Don't beat yourself up, look after yourself, support your man as best you can, and keep up with working hard in therapy.

You took an overdose, which you regret, which is understandable. But don't let it continue to have a negative affect over you. Just aim to keep moving forwards, so it doesn't happen again.

Wishing you well.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Those words were very comforting. Thank you.

 

[nimkekaa]

Thanks for sharing your overdose story. To me it shows that you are taking the reality of the situation seriously and I can see by what you wrote that you took responsibility for your actions. I also agree with what cherryblossom says. What is done is done and use it as a learning experience and move on.

I find that when I do something I regret that if I continue to beat myself up over it then I get depressed and am more likely to repeat the same behaviour. If I tell myself I am human and made a mistake and will learn from it then I can move on and make more healthy choices.