Relationship My Own Push And Pull

[Glara]

So, I'm currently experiencing the longest shut out period yet. Although he "broke it off" 2 years ago, he contacted me a week later and eventually he got to a point where things were almost the way they were when it started.

As I've said before we are long distance as we were when we were young. Back then we talked and the phone and wrote letters. We saw each other occasionally but not too often.

Fast forward 30 years. We now live much further apart and yet as adults we now have the means to see more of each other in spite of the fact that it requires a flight or an extremely long drive.

So we haven't seen each other in quite a while. I've been to his state but haven't seen him. I was waiting for him to actually invite me. Reason being I don't think he's ready. Obviously. I'm now in the longest shut out after telling him I want to actually be with him. I told him sexting is ok but I want to actually be with him. And, poof! He's gone. I'll be in his state next month to see a friend. He doesn't know I'll be there.

So now I'm experiencing my own push/ pull in my head. Intellectually what I know, or what I would tell a friend is that it's not worth it. Just let it go. But in my heart I know he'll be back. I know if I contact him when I'm there he'll make an effort to see me. He may not want to be alone me. But he will show up at some point. I know he doesn't really want me gone. But I know he doesn't want to be with me right now either.

Part of me wants to check it, let him know I'm still here. Part of me wants to let it die. I guess I'm not planning to contact him at all. I'm thinking I'll just keep going about my life and see where I am when he comes back. When we were young he disappeared for a year. He showed up unexpectedly at my front door.

Part of me is ok with that. I can live my life with no obligations. I can be free to come and go as I please and if he comes around I can be there. But I have feelings that make it hard to be so casual. Some of that also came up in our last conversation. He was suggesting its dangerous to travel and I said I love travel and wasn't worried about it. I said I have no obligations now that my daughter is grown so it doesn't matter.

So that's it. I'm back and forth. I feel like he might want me to reach out. But I'm not sure that I want to. I was devastated when he told me it was over. I was confused when he came back. Now I don't know what I want. What I can say for sure is that if he reaches out I'll be there. But if he doesn't, I don't know if I will. Does that make any sense? I don't think any of this makes any sense.

 

[Deadman]

What I can say for sure is that if he reaches out I'll be there.

I think that one sentence sums up what you said very nicely. You are waiting.

 

[ArtsyYogi]

Like I said in the other thread....all of what you wrote makes perfect sense to me because I'm in the exact same head space as you.

The last set of texts where he answered was I said "I miss you." He texted back IMU and then **poof**! Gone... :oops:

 

[Buttercup]

And it makes perfect sense to me as well because I am also right there in the same boat as you. I know I will be there when (if) he comes back. Sometimes I think I will just let it end in my head and feelings, but i always come back to knowing I love him and want to be with him.

I am also in the longest shut out for us and also think it may be over for him. But I don't know for sure because I have felt this way before and he has come back. However, this time it's been so long.

So, yes, you make sense to us here!

 

[LuckiLee]

@Glara, hi there. I have read your back story pertaining to this "relationship". Please don't be offended by my comments.

You have been in this mess for 3 years. I couldn't imagine what you're feeling. It seems to me you are wasting your time and effort on this man. He is getting what he needs from multiple women.

Please. Please. Please. try to let this guy go. You aren't getting anything out of it but hurt feelings. Why are you putting up with all of this "crazy making" crap? Put this energy into yourself and your family.

I don't know why you keep in contact with him. Are these small scraps of friendship enough? Obviously not. You're losing yourself along the way.

I hope I didn't upset you but we ALL deserve love and affection and it shouldn't be a one way street.

Good luck!

 

[Glara]

@leehalf I'm not offended. I know how it sounds and how it seems. Please don't forget that what I post on here has a lot to do with my feelings at a particular moment. I don't post everything in detail. There's so much that I don't post, in part, because I try not to give too many revealing details which can make it difficult to fully explain.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

@Glara Please don't feel as if you're alone. Just as others said, I'm in the same boat. Maybe not quite as long; this is very recent and we've only been together for seven months. He lived with me for about a month, then, "poof," gone. Now we seem to be working on a friendship which I thought we already had before the relationship started. The confusing part is, I know he cares a lot for me because he doesn't want me to relocate and he tries to take care of me as much as he can. I believe he knows what he had and doesn't want to lose it completely. For whatever reason, the common thread is, they run away on occasion. I believe if they maintain a connection, they're trying to find a way to correct a mishap that they weren't in control of. My recommendations are to try to hang in there and try letting him know that you're there when he's ready; it has to be when he's ready, mentally and emotionally.