My Ptsd Is Hindering My Parents' Social Life

[Adam95]

My parents and I recently moved into a new neighborhood, naturally my parents want to get to know our new neighbors. Unfortunately one of our neighbors is a family with two small children.

I've told my parents several times that I can't be around small children because it triggers a lot of bad memories for me (as I've mentioned in previous posts.) I'm not saying that I want to move because of it, but that I'd rather my parents go to their house instead of them coming to our.

When I mentiond this to my mom, she got angry and told me that "It's [her] life, and [She] won't mend it to my issues." I don't know what to do anymore. My PTSD is putting a strain on our relationship and I don't know what to do. I can't leave the house when she invites people over because I can't drive due to my eyesight (and because she calls me rude if I try to go anywhere), and I can't live on my own because of my several medical conditions

 

[The Albatross]

It's called a boundary. You are asking for accommodation and none is forthcoming. Time to deal/grow/change to changing circumstances.

Added in edit: It is though a good solid and astute observation that your PTSD is causing relational issues. What are your thoughts/feelings about that and can you extend yourself to their perspective? It is not necessary... often the awareness is enough to get you some progress.

You are aware that your present is a disruption... act or accept. Act to initiate change and consider the changing situation as a goal/challenge/exposure... or accept your current condition.

Me? I tend to damn the torpedoes and go through being uncomfortable til it normalizes.

 

[digger]

I'm inclined to agree with your mum that she needs to be able to live her life as well as support you in yours.

Personally I prefer to try and find ways for the things that trigger and stress me not to impact on other people - I'd prefer to try and reach up to 'normal' than fetch people down from it where possible. Definitely not always easy, but it's what I aim for. Are you actively working on things with a therapist? Or in other ways?

I struggle badly with anxiety when my son brings people to the house, but this is his home too and he has the right I think to have friends over. The compromise, if there is one, is that he knows I prefer to have a decent amount of warning.

I'm assuming you have your own room to use in the house and that it's fine for you to make your room off limits to visitors? If you have advanced notice of your mum having friends over can you go do something in your room so that you don't have to be there?
Would you be able to come to some sort of compromise with your mum about frequency and length of visits so it's something you can build some resilience to gradually?

 

[The Albatross]

Learning how we impact people is not comfortable... nor is learning self efficacy or autonomy or post traumatic growth. Hope you post back with your thoughts.

 

[Adam95]

I'm inclined to agree with your mum that she needs to be able to live her life as well as support you in...

I usually do try to stay in my room when my parents invite people with small children over. Although, my mom usually yells at me when people leave and says that I was "so rude" for not socializing with everyone. Or, she'll guilt-trip me and say that the person that came over was "so upset" that I didn't talk to them.

I have actually seen a few therapists over the years, but most of them are just random people that my mom meets on the street who say that they're therapists. (Only two of them were legitimate).

 

[Friday]

Although, my mom usually yells at me when people leave and says that I was "so rude" for not socializing with everyone. Or, she'll guilt-trip me and say that the person that came over was "so upset" that I didn't talk to them.

When you can't win for losing? Gonna catch regardless of what you do? Might as well be the one you want to do. It wears on a person, though.

 

[digger]

I usually do try to stay in my room when my parents invite people with small children over. Although, my mom usually yells at me when people leave and says that I was "so rude" for not socializing with everyone. Or, she'll guilt-trip me and say that the person that came over was "so upset" that I didn't talk to them.

Gah! Okay, while I said I was inclined to agree with your mum, on this bit I don't.

I'm assuming that, as you said the reason you weren't moving out is due to health problems, you are an adult? It sounds like your mum has expectations of you that might be more appropriate for a younger child.

Her having her own social life is important. But the important words there are 'her own' - you get to choose whether, if invited, you take up those invitations or not.

I think a clear "I find having small children in the house difficult to cope with. I appreciate that some of your friends have small children and there are times that you will want to have them over. At those times, I need to make the decision that is best for my mental health, and currently that is for me to stay out of the way. I understand that that might not be what you want, but that is the compromise I can make at the moment." ...or something along those lines.

I know it can be frustrating and wearing, but try and just keep it clear like that and then do what you need to do for yourself in that time.

Is there any way for you to sort out therapy for yourself without your mother's involvement?

 

[Adam95]

Gah! Okay, while I said I was inclined to agree with your mum, on this bit I don't.

I'm assuming that,...

I am planning on looking for a therapist this week. Hopefully this one will stick.