My Si Is Rising Again

[therisa]

Earlier, this evening, my SI rating rose, from 2.5-3.0 to 4.0, and I don't know, why. Yes, this morning, I had an appointment with my nurse practitioner, which we covered a lot of familiar ground that didn't trigger me. I do know, for the past week, my sense of uselessness and frustration. Just before this rise in my SI, I had my strongest feeling of uselessness, since the holiday season of 2010-11, and had the most corrosive bout of tears, in a long time. Am wondering, why bother, in fighting this. Knowing this won't be, my last time, I feel like this.

 

[Shan-Nav01]

(Thoughts being 'triggered' from your display pic)

Scientists found that if they helped with a butterfly breaking out of its cocoon it would die, they discovered that the act of it breaking out created a chemical reaction in its wings which made them harden enough to fly with and such. If the butterfly doesn't go through the biggest challenge of its life at the time, it won't reap the rewards and freedom of flight.

Hang on in there and keep trying to break out of your cocoon, you'll see better times in the future if you do. Xx

 

[therisa]

@Shan-Nav01 , thank you, for your well wishes.

My avatar is reflective of my transsexual nature, as the butterfly is, one of two symbols that the trans-community uses, reflecting the metamorphosis, a transperson undergoes to find their true self. I thought, you like to know.

 

[Shan-Nav01]

You learn something new everyday! (I am a bit of a random fact hoarder)

 

[Spiderallis]

I'm sorry you're struggling. You're working very hard on some big stuff and that's the exact opposite of uselessness. Look at all the ways you're trying to improve- like adding speech and art therapy to the other ways you're working on things. Could it be more difficult to see your progress when it's spread through several methods and areas of work? The ways you've been helping your friend are quite useful too, like caring for her cats when she was unable to.

Earlier this week I saw another variation on the thing about butterflies... never knew that, but it seems like something wants to make sure I remember.

 

[therisa]

Thank you, @Spiderallis , at times, I feel so overwhelmed, by the events that are happening in my life, I lose my place and start feeling hopelessness and useless.

Life moves, in mysterious ways, Spiderallis.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm so sorry, @therisa, that you are having SI. Know that I'm thinking about you, and hope you get through this quickly. I know it sucks.

 

[therisa]

Thank you, @DharmaGirl, for your supportive comments. My SI has lowered, to about 3.5 from last night's 4.0.