Happy 9 month spinal fusion anniversary to me! ?????????
Exactly nine months ago I would have just gone to sleep in theatre (it's morning here in NZ).
Later that day, I would wake in ICU, very out of it thanks to a ketamine infusion, morphine pump (controlled entirely by my ICU nurse at the time) and local anaesthesia, plus the residual effects of general anaesthesia from my 6.5 hour surgery.
I would have a pneumothorax (collapsed lung), and a tube about the thickness of a hose pipe inserted in between my ribs, bubbling with the fluid it was draining from my chest cavity for the next three days.
Even with all the analgesia and anaesthesia, I would be in total agony, though I (fortunately) remember very little of that.
But a few hours later - that night, nine months ago, I would realise that I could wiggle my toes. And no pneumothorax or heavy drug cocktail could take away from how utterly over the moon I felt because of that.
Imagine if I could go back and tell nine-months-ago me that wiggling her toes was only the beginning; tell her all the things she'd achieve in the next 3/4 of a year:
She'd become completely pain and discomfort free.
She'd be able to walk up the five storeys of stairs to her office again, and walk 10+ km without feeling any fatigue or pain.
She'd be able to run, swim, dance, jump, do push ups, plank, the splits, downward dogs.
She'd overcome her many years of body dysmorphia.
She'd be 4 cm taller than before her surgery.
She'd stay without the depression diagnosis that she'd lost just prior to her surgery.
She'd start to taper down her antidepressant and have no withdrawal symptoms.
She'd have no midday medication dose for the first time in 18 months.
She'd keep her eating disorder in remission.
She'd dance with one of her demons and throw out all of her laxatives and emetics she'd been stashing.
She'd have no problem bending down to plant her vege garden and tend to all her crops.
She'd first author a scientific paper published in a peer reviewed journal.
She'd have nearly finished all of her first year Masters courses (two more days to go!).
She'd have her first relationship since the Abuse Years, and it would be healthy.
She'd be falling in love.
And she'd pinch herself every day that this is all real.