Wendell_R
Diamond Member
"Doctor, it feels like I have butterflies in my stomach. It started feeling this way when you walked in."
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My spine surgery journey: from preparation to recovery
- Post starter bellbird
- Start date
blackemerald1
VIP Member
..doctor oh help me please..!! it comes and goes.. whenever you do! :sneaky: :smile:
- Post starter
- #268
bellbird
VIP Member
It's been a bit of an upside down few days since the massacre here in NZ.
I was actually in the hospital transit lounge, watching tv, when it came on as breaking news.
But.
I ?think I'm slowly finding things starting to settle for myself, evident to myself by my return to this thread.
So let's see how this goes.
There have been some spine-related steps too since my last post, that I've missed sharing about, but I think I'll just catch up for starters.
I saw your notifications popping up every couple of minutes as you were reading along, and it made me smile and feel very grateful.
And I actually got to see him one more time after that ??
I'd been sitting in the transit lounge a while, playing 1-player musical chairs between a soft, medium and hard chair, to try figure out what was the least uncomfortable in a given moment.
I wasn't expecting to see him again.
But suddenly there was him, walking towards me.
I hadn't realised how off the ground my hospital bed was, because sitting on that chair and looking up at him, I was suddenly very small.
But for me, tallness/?height/can'tenglish, in a guy, is super attractive, so it was like +50 swoonXP.
And my venlafaxine turns my pupils into satellite dishes (I've had many ED doctors try to tell me I've overdosed when I've come in for other things, only to be left with the silence of oh, she was right when my bloods come back) which would have definitely added to my swooney appearance as I looked up at him.
He went through my discharge summary, that he'd written.
And told me I'd have a follow-up in 4 weeks at my surgeon's clinic.
I ---almost--- asked if he'd be there, but thought the combination with my satellite dishes might come across as way too keen, so I willed the universe to set up a future encounter, instead.
But realistically, he's probably in a relationship... or not interested, anyway.
I was actually in the hospital transit lounge, watching tv, when it came on as breaking news.
But.
I ?think I'm slowly finding things starting to settle for myself, evident to myself by my return to this thread.
So let's see how this goes.
There have been some spine-related steps too since my last post, that I've missed sharing about, but I think I'll just catch up for starters.
Ok fair point, I fit the part well then ?
This gave me the giggles when I first read it and it still makes me smile now :laugh:
Thank you @berlinda :hug:
I saw your notifications popping up every couple of minutes as you were reading along, and it made me smile and feel very grateful.
Me too!!
And I actually got to see him one more time after that ??
Because he was the mysterious house surgeon.
I'd been sitting in the transit lounge a while, playing 1-player musical chairs between a soft, medium and hard chair, to try figure out what was the least uncomfortable in a given moment.
I wasn't expecting to see him again.
But suddenly there was him, walking towards me.
I hadn't realised how off the ground my hospital bed was, because sitting on that chair and looking up at him, I was suddenly very small.
But for me, tallness/?height/can'tenglish, in a guy, is super attractive, so it was like +50 swoonXP.
And my venlafaxine turns my pupils into satellite dishes (I've had many ED doctors try to tell me I've overdosed when I've come in for other things, only to be left with the silence of oh, she was right when my bloods come back) which would have definitely added to my swooney appearance as I looked up at him.
He went through my discharge summary, that he'd written.
And told me I'd have a follow-up in 4 weeks at my surgeon's clinic.
I ---almost--- asked if he'd be there, but thought the combination with my satellite dishes might come across as way too keen, so I willed the universe to set up a future encounter, instead.
But realistically, he's probably in a relationship... or not interested, anyway.
Wendell_R
Diamond Member
We will focus cosmic energy in that direction, too!
- Post starter
- #270
bellbird
VIP Member
It was a big adjustment going from hospital to my parents' house. I really struggle with changes in environment... change in general, really. Even moving from ICU to the ortho ward was challenging.
My parents have been great, though.
When we first got home, after the long drive along curvy roads (with my no longer curvy spine), I was very achy.
First job to do was filling my script.
For some reason they'd put my 225mg venlafaxine (my morning dose) on my script. No idea why. None of my other pre-op meds were there.
I hadn't noticed in the transit lounge because it hadn't fit on the first page of the script, so it was by itself on the back (also cus I was swooning).
I tried to figure out how to play it the most cool, so my parents wouldn't work out what they were for.
I went into the pharmacy, but my mum came with me. I was pretty shattered, so it would have drawn more attention to stop her. The meds took a long time though, and I ended up needing to go home and lie down. My mum picked up my meds.
I told her not to worry about getting information about them from the pharmacist; that I'd had a run through from the house surgeon and my pain nurse that morning.
Apparently the pharmacist wouldn't budge though. They settled for information print outs.
"VENLAFAXINE
For the treatment of: depression"
For f*cks sake.
Mum didn't query it with me, though.
I figured I'd just say it was prescribed by the hospital to help with getting through the post-op period, if she asked.
There have been a couple of instances where my parents have asked what a particular med is for, which results in me getting quite assertive quite quickly. I normally just say "it's an anti-inflammatory." And stop the dialogue there. I can't risk entering into conversations like that, with medication names and such. No.
The weekend involved a lot of eating.
My bowels, finally functioning almost normally (down to one laxative per day and working to phase that out), mean I have been continuing to introduce solid foods to where now I'm basically eating "normal" meals, with minimal nausea.
On the eating note, I've been noticing my eating disorder again. Quietly, but still there.
I haven't acted on it, but just the fact that it's there has been challenging and very shameful.
I'm posting about it here to keep myself accountable, and remain honest to myself. I also told T about it when we spoke on the phone this morning.
I do not want to go back down that path, and keeping this quiet is just a fast track to ending up there.
I don't really know why my ED part has piped up again, but I would think it's because I don't have a lot of control/autonomy at the moment, and because it turns out I lost quite a bit of weight in hospital (about 5kg, and I was only 60 to begin with), and when my ED has been bad in the past, I've been very goal oriented. Namely, 50kg as a goal I aimed for for a long time, so suddenly we're halfway there and Ed seems a little excited.
Like I said, I haven't acted on it though. I'm trying to do my best for myself, so that when I see my surgeon in 3 and a bit weeks, I'll be able to have my restrictions eased and feel able and well enough to return to my flat and university, and feel more autonomous in general.
My parents have been great, though.
When we first got home, after the long drive along curvy roads (with my no longer curvy spine), I was very achy.
First job to do was filling my script.
For some reason they'd put my 225mg venlafaxine (my morning dose) on my script. No idea why. None of my other pre-op meds were there.
I hadn't noticed in the transit lounge because it hadn't fit on the first page of the script, so it was by itself on the back (also cus I was swooning).
I tried to figure out how to play it the most cool, so my parents wouldn't work out what they were for.
I went into the pharmacy, but my mum came with me. I was pretty shattered, so it would have drawn more attention to stop her. The meds took a long time though, and I ended up needing to go home and lie down. My mum picked up my meds.
I told her not to worry about getting information about them from the pharmacist; that I'd had a run through from the house surgeon and my pain nurse that morning.
Apparently the pharmacist wouldn't budge though. They settled for information print outs.
"VENLAFAXINE
For the treatment of: depression"
For f*cks sake.
Mum didn't query it with me, though.
I figured I'd just say it was prescribed by the hospital to help with getting through the post-op period, if she asked.
There have been a couple of instances where my parents have asked what a particular med is for, which results in me getting quite assertive quite quickly. I normally just say "it's an anti-inflammatory." And stop the dialogue there. I can't risk entering into conversations like that, with medication names and such. No.
The weekend involved a lot of eating.
My bowels, finally functioning almost normally (down to one laxative per day and working to phase that out), mean I have been continuing to introduce solid foods to where now I'm basically eating "normal" meals, with minimal nausea.
On the eating note, I've been noticing my eating disorder again. Quietly, but still there.
I haven't acted on it, but just the fact that it's there has been challenging and very shameful.
I'm posting about it here to keep myself accountable, and remain honest to myself. I also told T about it when we spoke on the phone this morning.
I do not want to go back down that path, and keeping this quiet is just a fast track to ending up there.
I don't really know why my ED part has piped up again, but I would think it's because I don't have a lot of control/autonomy at the moment, and because it turns out I lost quite a bit of weight in hospital (about 5kg, and I was only 60 to begin with), and when my ED has been bad in the past, I've been very goal oriented. Namely, 50kg as a goal I aimed for for a long time, so suddenly we're halfway there and Ed seems a little excited.
Like I said, I haven't acted on it though. I'm trying to do my best for myself, so that when I see my surgeon in 3 and a bit weeks, I'll be able to have my restrictions eased and feel able and well enough to return to my flat and university, and feel more autonomous in general.
Wendell_R
Diamond Member
Yay!
And posting this is a good way to reduce the shame, too. It's not a surprise that ED popped up--lots of stress, lots of not eating, lots of temptation for ED to be in control. High stress cup = return of symptoms. Nothing that you did. You're working hard, doing the right things to calm ED by striving for normal meals.
:hug: :hug:
blackemerald1
VIP Member
Just got a message from Universe - it's onto it ^ :sneaky:
^Wow.. it's been a while since I have read the name of the disorder on the script. So yeah... ffs!!
^Good thinking 99! :)
You sound like you are adjusting well even though change is difficult. Well done :hug:
Last edited by a moderator:
- Post starter
- #273
bellbird
VIP Member
Thank you so much :hug: :hug:
Hehe!
You've got some serious quoteception going on in your post @blackemerald1 , so I can't quote ya back. But just to clarify, it was the information print out that had the disorder printed on it :)
:hug: :hug:
- Post starter
- #274
bellbird
VIP Member
My mum and I just named my exoskeleton Trev.
I feel like this is significant enough to merit its own post.
I feel like this is significant enough to merit its own post.
somerandomguy
VIP Member
Hi Trev, take good care of bellbird, ok? She's super important, so you need to do a good job!
D
Deleted member 42984
Wow 225 mg Venlafaxine, that would render me so hyper I'd literally be crawling the walls. But different folks, different strokes!
I'm curious tho, why can't you have your parents know what your meds are for?
I'm curious tho, why can't you have your parents know what your meds are for?
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