WillIsurvive
New Here
I could write a life story about my life. At 47 life years, I have lived an amazing journey. Up until 35 life years, I had it tough, much self created, but tough nonetheless. Then I met my guy, a soldier proud and true. A life altering event for me, really. At age 38 to have finally found what I was looking for, the kindness, caring and compassion found in this man, simply incredible and I am so fortunate. When we met, my son from a previous marriage was 7 and although the whole step dad thing hasn't been easy, as I'm a protective mamma bear, we have made it work.
Fast foward 9 years. Just last year after 21 years in the Canadian army he was offered a civilian job in the same field and accepted. As life altering as "getting out" was, nothing is as life altering as his diagnosis with PTSD. We kind of knew he had it, a little. After his last tour in Afghanistan in '03/04, we noticed subtle changes, things that broke my heart at times. We talked about it, said he "might" have it, laughed about what a great pension he would get if he did have it.
Just last year, after a year of hell, he was diagnosed with full PTSD symptoms. He goes for counselling and has just, as of last week, been referred for group counselling. His job is not affected by it, yet. His symptoms are restless sleep, periodic limb movement disorder (not necessarily caused by PTSD), angry outbursts, anxiety, moodiness, lack of motivation, to name a few.
I did not realize until this weekend the seriousness of this illness or that it was even an illness. This forum and other sites have helped to start my grieving process because the man I love with my whole being is a different man. The things I used to be able to say to comfort him no longer work and are confronted with anger. I have lost parts of myself in trying to 'fix' it all and take care of him so that he's balanced, not realizing that he may never be balanced. I now have to deal and take care of myself too.
I spent this weekend alone as we had a disagreement which started Thurs. night and went into Fri. e.mailing all morning back and forth at work and he said he should go camping alone. I was dumbfounded. After all the time we spent apart with courses, tours of duty and so forth that comes with army life, he "wanted" to go alone. After getting through my own hurt and feeling like it is my fault I started to read and read and read. All I can say is "wow"! I never knew.
So....thank you to whoever started this forum as you are saving me right now. I have my first counselling appointment myself at the end of August to try to understand how to cope and I know with all my heart and soul that we can be stronger because of this.
I love him and will stand beside him in this war just as I did when he wore the uniform.
Helen
Fast foward 9 years. Just last year after 21 years in the Canadian army he was offered a civilian job in the same field and accepted. As life altering as "getting out" was, nothing is as life altering as his diagnosis with PTSD. We kind of knew he had it, a little. After his last tour in Afghanistan in '03/04, we noticed subtle changes, things that broke my heart at times. We talked about it, said he "might" have it, laughed about what a great pension he would get if he did have it.
Just last year, after a year of hell, he was diagnosed with full PTSD symptoms. He goes for counselling and has just, as of last week, been referred for group counselling. His job is not affected by it, yet. His symptoms are restless sleep, periodic limb movement disorder (not necessarily caused by PTSD), angry outbursts, anxiety, moodiness, lack of motivation, to name a few.
I did not realize until this weekend the seriousness of this illness or that it was even an illness. This forum and other sites have helped to start my grieving process because the man I love with my whole being is a different man. The things I used to be able to say to comfort him no longer work and are confronted with anger. I have lost parts of myself in trying to 'fix' it all and take care of him so that he's balanced, not realizing that he may never be balanced. I now have to deal and take care of myself too.
I spent this weekend alone as we had a disagreement which started Thurs. night and went into Fri. e.mailing all morning back and forth at work and he said he should go camping alone. I was dumbfounded. After all the time we spent apart with courses, tours of duty and so forth that comes with army life, he "wanted" to go alone. After getting through my own hurt and feeling like it is my fault I started to read and read and read. All I can say is "wow"! I never knew.
So....thank you to whoever started this forum as you are saving me right now. I have my first counselling appointment myself at the end of August to try to understand how to cope and I know with all my heart and soul that we can be stronger because of this.
I love him and will stand beside him in this war just as I did when he wore the uniform.
Helen
