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I'm 27 years old and have complex PTSD from the abuse I received as a child from my mother. My mother died a year ago so I'm having trouble 'outing' myself and the abuse she inflicted upon me. I have a lot of shame and irrational guilt talking about the abuse because it still feels like I must have deserved it or something. Intellectually I know this is not the case but of course it's harder to accept things emotionally. Now that she is dead I also feel reluctant to speak badly about my mother because I keep thinking she had a really traumatic childhood too. So maybe I should not be angry-but I am.
Presently I have had to reconsider my career goals as the program I was in became to overwhelming for me when I had to do the practicum(dealing with clients was too difficult for me). I was in a social work degree program. This has caused me some grief because I'm already in debt from my first undergraduate degree then the one I was in but am not graduating from because I can't do the practicum. So I worry about what I'll end up doing instead. Financial worries and flashbacks are stressful!
My family does not know yet I'm not graduating from the program and think I can do it so I don't want to tell them because I don't want to talk about the reasons behind my not finishing the degree. Well my dad knows because I still live at home with him, but otherwise no one in my family has been told.
Most of my family operates in a dysfunctional manner so it is hard for me to tell them things. I'm the only one in my family, besides an aunt I never see, that has been in therapy for an extended amount of time. Everyone else(in my family) uses a variety of defenses to deal with reality. So it is not always productive for me to be to forthcoming with them about personal things. I would like to tell them ideally but realistically I just share it with my therapist.
Anyhow I thank you for reading my story if you managed to read all of it. I could write a lot more but will save it for another time.
I'm 27 years old and have complex PTSD from the abuse I received as a child from my mother. My mother died a year ago so I'm having trouble 'outing' myself and the abuse she inflicted upon me. I have a lot of shame and irrational guilt talking about the abuse because it still feels like I must have deserved it or something. Intellectually I know this is not the case but of course it's harder to accept things emotionally. Now that she is dead I also feel reluctant to speak badly about my mother because I keep thinking she had a really traumatic childhood too. So maybe I should not be angry-but I am.
Presently I have had to reconsider my career goals as the program I was in became to overwhelming for me when I had to do the practicum(dealing with clients was too difficult for me). I was in a social work degree program. This has caused me some grief because I'm already in debt from my first undergraduate degree then the one I was in but am not graduating from because I can't do the practicum. So I worry about what I'll end up doing instead. Financial worries and flashbacks are stressful!
My family does not know yet I'm not graduating from the program and think I can do it so I don't want to tell them because I don't want to talk about the reasons behind my not finishing the degree. Well my dad knows because I still live at home with him, but otherwise no one in my family has been told.
Most of my family operates in a dysfunctional manner so it is hard for me to tell them things. I'm the only one in my family, besides an aunt I never see, that has been in therapy for an extended amount of time. Everyone else(in my family) uses a variety of defenses to deal with reality. So it is not always productive for me to be to forthcoming with them about personal things. I would like to tell them ideally but realistically I just share it with my therapist.
Anyhow I thank you for reading my story if you managed to read all of it. I could write a lot more but will save it for another time.
