My therapist is leaving

[somerandomguy]

My most excellent therapist is leaving town early next year. While I'm happy for her, because the move seems like it'll be good for her personally, I am devastated for myself. I have probably had a score of therapists in my life, and she was easily the best of all of them. We just really clicked and I feel like we built a therapeutic alliance that will be impossible to replicate. I'm scared that I'll lose all my progress when she leaves, or will fail to make any more progress with another therapist.

Obviously I have a lot of lead time and she will be helping me find her replacement. But I'm just so sad and anxious. Does anyone have any success stories about changing therapists even when the first therapist was amazing?

 

[Friday]

I'm scared that I'll lose all my progress when she leaves

I take the good parts of people, what I learned from them & how I grew, with me when I leave... rather than leaving being something like a cosmic slate cleaner... completely erasing their existence & influence over my life with their departure from it.

We just really clicked and I feel like we built a therapeutic alliance that will be impossible to replicate.

Alternatively, now you know that level of alliance is possible.

Rather than a unique thing, perhaps it’s something to seek out in a therapist? That she’s raised the bar doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It can also mean that she’s the first OF your therapists to reach that level of alliance. Meaning now that you have this standard, can you imagine every future therapist meeting or exceeding it? Talk about a badass gift to give, raising your expectations and standards.

 

[ILoveLife]

It can also mean that she’s the first OF your therapists to reach that level of alliance.

Agree so much with this.

Actually, you know my bad streak with Ts and it has become easier to spot them in the wild :P This to say, I've become more in tune with the actual therapeutic relationship over the years - client/therapist relationship, not personal - and this has brought me more growth (faster too) because in taking away the personal involvement where a lot of transference has to be worked through and it becomes a nuisance for me, I've learn to be more appreciative of the bonding working together generates.

My current T and I have a tool based approach, if we can laugh and bond that's great, that does happen and we have become closer over these last few months, but mostly because the work we're doing is working. When it wasn't working we just weren't getting along.

With my previous T I clicked immediately. If she was to be a friend, we'd be besties. As a T? Much to be desired. The work we did wasn't working but we got along great. Same with first T I chose for myself a decade ago, and I stayed with him for 4 years. This last one? 6 months.

You got a good thing going with this T, you work together and get along. So if you look at the new one with the perspective above, opportunity to improve your mental well being not necessarily to make a friend, I think you'll do fine.
If it turns out you don't click, you'll ask her for another referral or try and find one yourself.

But I'm sorry, I know it's devastating to end a therapeutic relationship when we actually like the therapist and get along with them.
:hug: It will be alright though.

Another thing: can your current T do skype therapy, if you don't find anyone?

 

[somerandomguy]

@Friday, @Sietz, this is a really helpful way to look at it. When I compare my current T to, say the one I had just before her ... the difference is incredibly clear and I think I will be able to spot someone unhelpful much more easily now that I have had a really good alliance with someone.

Interestingly, I posted a thread about her at the beginning of 2017 after we'd only been meeting a few months, and I recognized even back then that it was really working out - although the thread was whether to dump her or not for constantly failing to show up! She got better and I'm SO glad I didn't fire her!

I don't think Skyping is in the cards for a lot of reasons though :wtf: She HAS said that she really wants to keep in touch, which I think I would really like.

 

[ILoveLife]

No skyping then :laugh:

Hope you find someone worthy of YOUR time ;)

 

[Rumors]

My most excellent therapist is leaving town early next year. While I'm happy for her, because the move seems like it'll be good for her personally, I am devastated for myself. I have probably had a score of therapists in my life, and she was easily the best of all of them. We just really clicked and I feel like we built a therapeutic alliance that will be impossible to replicate. I'm scared that I'll lose all my progress when she leaves, or will fail to make any more progress with another therapist.

Obviously I have a lot of lead time and she will be helping me find her replacement. But I'm just so sad and anxious. Does anyone have any success stories about changing therapists even when the first therapist was amazing?

Yes, I had someone I trusted very much at the time and she retired. She referred me to someone that has really been a life saver and has been very dedicated and invested in my story. I am grateful for my journey with both of them.

 

[Muttly]

Oh man, not a lot of words, except that is hard. I agree with others, in the short term this is hard but later it could be really helpful to find a new therapist. You'll have the chance to have someone new look at what's going on. you''ll still be caring forward your current T's thoughts and teachings and you'll get another set of helfpufu thoughts and teachings

 

[Orange Phone]

I ditto what everyone said. I had a fabulous T back in college 30 years ago (before I knew I had CPTSD). 30 years later (one year ago) I started with my current T. I knew day one I felt good about her. I was not going to settle for crappy stuff. And it turns out I was right. She has her stuff together and as my CPTSD became known to me, helped me though some very hard times. I think it was my "inner child" who picked her out. She was chosen to tell our story to. A story I really did not know.

 

[Missycat]

Hi, yep ditto to what everyone has said. It is so hard and especially when you have built such a strong relationship.
My t relocated , although we were at the time both i in agreement that i was strong and well enough to end therapy. She offered that i could skype her if i needed to as she was aware of some key decisions i was making and that i may need support. When i did contact her ( it was a while later) she offered skype and we have worked together using skpe which does work for me. This year we both agreed that i would benefit from some emdr so she reccommend someone i could see face to face, knowing that my emdr t was reccommended gave me confidence and we do work well together . So its good that your current t will work with you to find someone else that you can build that relationship with.