Honestly it sounds like you're doing so much better than you think you are. Knowing how you're feeling (anxious, worried she's not trustworthy, that you're a burden) and understanding why you're feeling this way (you've been burned before by a therapist, ptsd makes us often feel unworthy of care), is huge! I guess what I'm trying to say whilst this is a really tough situation, especially as you'd allowed yourself to be so vulnerable with her recently, you were able to recognise your feelings, know they are valid, yet still understand there maybe another reason for her mistake of not texting other than your initial thought and feelings. You were also ready to advocate for yourself with her in your next session, even planning the email as a draft to show her if needed, that's honestly amazing because you've highlighted what may be difficult and planned strategies to assist you. I hope the next session went OK? Let us know how you got on if you want? XxxThank you @Movingforward10 you're right, it probably won’t get brought up unless I do because she has probably forgotten all about it. She has a family and other clients to think about and to her this is nowhere near as big of a deal as it is to me, nor should it be.
I have taken your advice and written her an email, I haven’t sent it but it helped me to formulate what I wanted to say and I can always show her the draft in session if it gets difficult to bring up.
I know she will apologise as there was a situation a few weeks ago where she started a session by saying ‘shall we do some admin first’ (I’m completely convinced she’s going to leave, my last T told me after 6 months that I was wasting her time as if not been able to open up) and she made a joke about the look of trepidation on my face. Later in the session when we were quiet she said ‘I wonder what you must’ve thought when I said about doing admin, if you thought I was going to boot you out, did you think I can was going to say we’re done?’ When I confirmed that’s exactly what I thought she apologised and said she hadn’t seen that coming. In that instance I didn’t believe that she did that on purpose but it was helpful for her to know that I still don’t fully believe she isn’t going anywhere and she now makes a point of reminding me of that.
There is a part of me that doesn’t want her to ever say that she’s going to text me again because the anxiety is too much, but that’s how we learn, right?! That just because she didn’t keep her word once, doesn’t mean she’s never going to again.