My Therapist

[slightly obssessed]

I have a problem. I have been with my therapist for six years now and I have feelings for her. I do not know what to do. She is a lesbian and now I am wondering if I am too. I did tell her finally that I had feelings for her and she said it was normal. Is this normal does anyone else have this problem?

 

[Ronin]

Not in remotely the same situation, but I've heard of it happening. Transfers in general do. It's good you're communicating it out, though I'd be really careful around that and work it out as an issue, not pursue it. If nothing else she could get legally in trouble for doing so, and it would be unethical in every case. She's in position of power, and has responsibility for you on different levels.

That said, I'm not aware of how exactly does US law view this, so take what I said with a grain of salt.

 

[EmmaDancing]

In a way I suppose it is normal, though I really don't think that's the best use of the word. I mean, it's pretty common.....it makes sense if you think about it. It's good that you put it out in the open; it's never good to have it be the elephant in your mind, it festers. Talking about the roots of your feelings might be something that helps - or not. I guess I'm just saying its good that she knows. But as Kaia said; it would be wrong on a lot of levels (legal, ethnical, moral) if you and/or she pursued it.
I know it's a hard situation to be in, but you're handling it well.

 

[Justmehere]

It's called erotic transference. I have had it too. It's great you told her, and I would keep talking to her about it.

It's prohibited by law for therapists to have any romantic relationship with clients. But rest assured, that law is there because clients develop feelings for their therapists all the time. They listen to us and care for us in ways we maybe haven't been cared about before. Quite normal to be attracted to that!

 

[EmmaDancing]

They listen to us and care for us in ways we maybe haven't been cared about before

Thats a perfect way to describe it.

 

[Seasounds]

Is this normal does anyone else have this problem?

Yes, on both accounts. and i have opinions about it.

• I believe it is normal, and it is terrific that you spoke about it. By doing so, you supported the energy to not become dysfunctional. Continue talking about it, if you want.
• This occurred to me with two therapists-one man and one woman. I was uncomfortable with it, since I was clear that the feelings were not initiated by me. In fact, I didn't like them. At the time, I didn't know how to talk about it. They imposed it on me.
• I don't think my situation is always the case. Whenever two adults get in a room together, ALL of themselves has a response to the other, even surprisingly so.
• In that the therapist is the dominant power figure in the room, they need to be extraordinarily conscientious of how the transfer their 'caring feelings' to their clients; as adults, caring feelings rather naturally have a sexual component.
• If the therapist is sending you that energy with a sexual component, that you are responding to, I'd say the the therapist needs to be mindful of their sexuality, and contour it, a bit.
• And I don't know if one can always reign those energy feelings in-- that can come when the T or you, is feeling safe. It is a dynamic, between both parties.
• Of course, in therapy, the ethics are to not actualize, physically demonstrate, sexual feelings.
• If you think you are initiating the dynamic, that can be insightful and meaningful, too.
• You could also speak about how you feel about this dynamic, what it reminds you of , what kind of boundaries you need with this energy.
• For me, the active sexual energetic, is too close and triggering.

Great topic!! Hope to learn more as others respond..

 

[slightly obssessed]

Thank you all for your replies. My T has been very supportive of my feelings and has been very professional. She has set very good boundaries. So no worries there. Thanks again and your supportive replies have been very helpful.

 

[Seasounds]

In just seeing that you replied, I saw that I hadn't yet posted my last thought. Here it is:

• As mentioned above, sexual (erotic) transference is your feelings towards the therapist, and sexual countertransference is the therapist's feelings towards you.
• Many times, these feelings are not intentionally produced, (happen by nature of feeling safe), by either party, and are unconscious or subconscious.
• For that reason, it is often difficult to consciously talk about them, (let alone other reasons),

I also, wanted to thank you; your ability to talk about this in the forum, and in therapy will be helpful to me, if it happens again to me.