Narrative therapy

[HealingInProcess]

I've read about this in one of my books on trauma. It talks about the value of constructing a narrative to help explain your trauma or put it in some kind of context so you can relate to it and wrap your head around it. I have tried to do this by going back in my life and writing down people I knew at different periods of time, places I visited, schools, any place I frequently visited and anything else to try and construct some kind of narrative but have not had much luck so far. I don't remember much of my childhood and it's like a blur to me so that makes it harder. One pattern I can see is that I was abused as a child and that abusive relationship replayed itself over and over again in almost all of my relationships. Now I am worried about any kind of relationship with anyone because I'm worried I will put myself in a bad situation again. I keep getting into bad situations with abusive people and have a hard time setting boundaries and standing up for myself.

 

[IceQueencop]

Hello @HealingInProcess -

It sounds like you have at least figured out the patterns of your trauma, even if you can’t recall all the details. Maybe from there you can start to re-write your pattern.
I’m not a therapist or anything so if it doesn’t help, don’t do it. My thought here is just that you could re-write your narrative so it turns out in a way that’s good for you, a way that interrupts that pattern. If you can write about it maybe it will help to interrupt the actual pattern?
Just a thought.

Best IQC

 

[Tinyflame]

This might not be helpful, but I once saw a lecture from a psychologist in Ireland who said to treat ptsd it is necessary to relay (or write down, I guess?) the narrative of what occurred from memory, and then to add to it other questions etc, that change the narrative and therefore the memories and conclusions (with other perspectives/ information).

 

[HealingInProcess]

This might not be helpful, but I once saw a lecture from a psychologist in Ireland who said to treat ptsd it is necessary to relay (or write down, I guess?) the narrative of what occurred from memory, and then to add to it other questions etc, that change the narrative and therefore the memories and conclusions (with other perspectives/ information).

Interesting suggestions from both of you. Yes I need to take ownership of my narrative. The issue is that there are so many gaps right now. Maybe one question to ask is where do I actually want the story to go? If I say I want to be healed what does that look like? What do I look like as a healed person?

 

[Ronin]

I think focusing on what the struggle is, right now (and what areas are working out well just enough) may be more accessible and worth it, than trying for what if in case someone is missing huge chunks of their life.

You have your reactions of the now, and can work on them. Whether they are telling about the past (and what of the past) is not the most relevant for recovery work.

 

[IceQueencop]

@HealingInProcess - I hear you saying you want to write the ending now. That’s probably a good idea, maybe think in terms of goal setting and then come up with a plan to get there.
I was just thinking about your narrative as I do with any compelling story, that I don’t want it to end, and I keep thinking about the characters and their next adventures. Of course, this isn’t just any story. This is your life story. It may or may not help you to step back from your story and think of it from different perspectives. Maybe an outsider’s perspective; probably not an abusers perspective. It may, if nothing else, give your story more depth and help you to feel more compassion towards yourself.
Not remembering parts of what happened is a symptom of PTSD. So, don’t be too hard on yourself for the gaps. You may or may not have some emotion towards particular gaps, maybe you can articulate the feelings instead of the facts.
Best,
IQC

 

[HealingInProcess]

I think focusing on what the struggle is, right now (and what areas are working out well just enough) may be more accessible and worth it, than trying for what if in case someone is missing huge chunks of their life.

You have your reactions of the now, and can work on them. Whether they are telling about the past (and what of the past) is not the most relevant for recovery work.

Yeah I agree trying to a construct a meta narrative at this time may actually be just a roundabout avoidance mechanism. What's today's problem? How do I deal with it? Thanks Ronin.

@HealingInProcess - I hear you saying you want to write the ending now. That’s probably a good idea, maybe think in terms of goal setting and then come up with a plan to get there.
I was just thinking about your narrative as I do with any compelling story, that I don’t want it to end, and I keep thinking about the characters and their next adventures. Of course, this isn’t just any story. This is your life story. It may or may not help you to step back from your story and think of it from different perspectives. Maybe an outsider’s perspective; probably not an abusers perspective. It may, if nothing else, give your story more depth and help you to feel more compassion towards yourself.
Not remembering parts of what happened is a symptom of PTSD. So, don’t be too hard on yourself for the gaps. You may or may not have some emotion towards particular gaps, maybe you can articulate the feelings instead of the facts.
Best,
IQC

Yes what would an outsider think is helpful to get some detachment and a different perspective.