General Need a Shoulder - Husband Suffers PTSD

[Jen]

Hi Kerri Anne thank you for those words of support it is nice to know that someone is there to talk to. Weird isnt it you bought a tear to my eye and I dont even know you. I know I have to get stronger because of this and to help him and be there for him but it is very trying.
Jen

 

[Deleted member 3]

Jen,

I am going to be blunt. What about you? Where do you fit in the scheme of things? Sure you married him, sure you have SOME responsibility for support to him but it is a two way street. If he wants your support he has to help himself and let me tell you, the psychs will support your husband but don't expect anything for yourself from them. You need to look after you first, help him get on his feet, direct him to help but look after you also. You have needs as he does. Who hugs you when he is being mean? Who do you talk to?

Your husband needs help without doubt but there are people more qualified than you, to give him the help that he needs right now. As much as I hate doing it, you've forced me to quote Dr Phil 'you can't give what you don't have'. Please take care of you, if you have been married for so long and worrying about your husband and children and everything else but Jen, where is Jen?

Bigger hugs and um 'trying' ? To put it bluntly, they can be a pain in the ass.

 

[Jen]

Hi Kerri Anne and Anthony my husband and I went and saw the shrink on Monday. My husband was quite sheepish and emotional there and he is being very apologetic towards me and my daughter. He is even cooking again:smile: The shrink has increased his lexapro and put him on to some other medication and wants to see him weekly for a while. Hopefully things are on the improve I said to him that I am never going through what happened last week again. The Doc also told him to cut back the hours that he goes into the business because I am quite capable of doing the work.
Thank you Jen

 

[anthony]

Good stuff Jen... a good outcome for all concerned. Now you need to start looking at getting him to attend the PTSD course, which all the details are contained within the [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/forum4/announcements.html"]PTSD National Courses[/DLMURL] announcement. Vet Affairs cover the cost, and he will be a knew man after learning everything there is to know about the ins and outs of PTSD and living with it.

Saying that though, he must also be stable enough to do it, ie. alcohol and substance use under control, etc etc. Do it... you won't regret it.

 

[Jen]

Thank you Anthony I will try and see how it goes he is starting to talk to a counsellor at CRS he said she was quite good to talk to. I am going to see a counsellor myself he was recommended by VCCS he talks to spouses which is what I need. Its JEN time if you know what I mean!

 

[Deleted member 3]

Yeah for you Jen!

 

[Jen]

Hi Kerri Anne I went for a game of golf today worried sick about my husband hoping he was ok for the day.
He seems to be walking around like a zombie at the moment it seems to be the medication he is on he seems really tired. He fell asleep in the car tonight outside work. I have left a message with the shrink the medication has relaxed him but a bit to much!!
So we have to get his dosage right hopefully.
Jen

 

[anthony]

Now, do you want me to tell you the actual reality of the situation Jen, or not? I will let you choose, as you seem to be suffering a bit at the moment.

 

[Jen]

I dont know Anthony all I know is it is problem after problem with him?
Surely I can try to have a bit of time out he even tells me to go and spend time with friends.
Jen

 

[Jen]

Sorry Anthony I didnt really answer your question I have broad shoulders throw it at me I am listening:smile:

 

[Deleted member 3]

Jen,

Yes, you are entitled to a little bit of 'you' time. You can't help your husband if you are unwell yourself. Good on you, golf is the thing, fresh air, exercise and a chat with the girls. Hard to wind down when you feel so anxious about them but you have to try and get past that. I know, I used to worry about Anthony all of the time and sometimes still do but it is in both our best interests if I get on with life. He used to get ticked off at me anyway if he suspected that I was just hanging around to keep an eye on him. Unwittingly, we can become babysitters for them if we are not careful. Best you can do is make sure he is alright when you leave the house, take a deep breath and go. They need supportive spouses, they already have a mum.

Your kids are grown, you contribute to the house via housework and the business and support your husband. You need to give YOU permission to have a break.

Sorry if I come across blunt Jen (it has rubbed off from my husband!!) but I just don't want to see you burnt out because your husband is ill. Everyone needs a break from time to time.

 

[Jen]

Hi Kerri Anne thank you for your support he seems really down at the moment he said this afternoon that he misses me when I am not around I said dont do that to me I need to have my own time he said he knows that. He seems to want to sleep all the time.
I might have a little breakthrough but he said today can I make an appointment for him to talk to someone at VVCS. I am going to make one ASAP.
Jen