Need Advice

[Sara Belle]

Hi everyone,

I had a difficult childhood and developed symptoms of PTSD. I am in therapy and have been discussing my experiences and I feel that things are coming to the surface. I feel that it has recently become much harder than ever before to control when I am triggered and I find myself having angry outbursts often. I have become very irritable and depressed and it is obviously very difficult to live this way. I would like to know how other people are able to stay strong and and regain control in these situations. It is my nature to be kind and caring and I feel that the abuse from my past and the characteristics of the abuser are taking over my body at times and turning me into a monster. After I have an angry episode I feel so ashamed. I want to be good and kind and in control. Please help me and offer your own experiences and advice. Thank you!

 

[OgreMagi]

Welcome to the forum. It's no surprise that your therapy is causing you more problems initially. Eventually you will get better. You might wish to consult a psychiatrist to discuss managing your symptoms, at least until you have been in therapy a while and can deal with facing your past more easily.

My wife's therapist warned us both, "things are going to get worse before they get better."

 

[Sara Belle]

Hi Ogre Magi,

Thank you so much for commenting. It means a lot to hear that it will get worse before it gets better for me. I was actually thinking about consulting a psychiatrist to see if I should take medication to help the initial onslaught of emotion that I'm feeling right now. I have been through a lot in the past, but the truth is I dont remember feeling as angry as I have in the last six months (after moving out of the abusive situations. I feel that I am a minefield right now and that everything or anything can trigger me.

Thank you for the words of wisdom and for the hope because just knowing that there are other people who have experienced what I am going through and that the hard work I am doing now will eventually pay off really helps and makes me feel better! Thanks.

Sara Belle

 

[Artista]

Hello Sara. I wish you the best! So glad you are getting help.

I find it is a series of ups and downs. Seems to work that way for me anyway! As I just mentioned to a friend here on PM... I think when we feel we are on an "up" or at a peak, I think that is so we can hold onto that view to navigate the valleys ahead. Keep strong. It will get better and be more familiar as you face and do the work to heal. Anger can be a good thing. It's part of the process. We have to feel it all to get through. I hope you can trust how it is an individual journey and wish you all the strength you can muster!

 

[Sara Belle]

Hi Artista,

Thank you for your advice. You're really right- it's just a process I must get through in order to come out OK. Its funny, because in life you see that things usually get worse before they get better. The other week I had a sore in my mouth that began small, and before I knew it it was inflamed and open and big- it hurt to even eat or speak! After a few days, it suddenly closed up and began to shrink until it was gone. It's the same thing- the anger and pain festers and feels larger than life, but eventually it will be organized in a little place in my mind. But now I am just starting to process it all so my brain feels like a scrambled egg! But I'm trying hard. Thanks for the encouragement!