Relationship Need Advice

[Mtnativecohome]

My epic journey continues, we just completed the divorce and I have giving my husband who is suffering from this cruel condition time to get back on his feet. He is waiting for a job to come through. He didn't make it home last night and woke up in the hospital for third time since July from intoxication and a seizure. He has no memory of what happened and I have witness to his prior and he was violent and out of control. When he comes out from this he is the sweetest person in the world. We have two small children, I think I can't let him stay here anymore. I feel like I'm abandoning him and I'm afraid what he will do once he is gone. Should I give him until the end off the month to figure it out? Any thoughts.

 

[amethist]

We have two small children, I think I can't let him stay here anymore.

Maybe putting the safety of your children first would help you decide on which way to go with this.

If you are divorced, my question would be, "Why is he still there". Surely he should have his own place to live his life how he needs to, whether it be peacefully or going off the rails. What he does when he is gone is his own responsibility.

I hope you can come to the right decision soon, for all your sakes.

 

[franciemarnie]

I am so sorry you are going thru this.

The words that stood out for me were - intoxication, violent, two small children. When someone has a drinking problem and it's a Jekyll - Hyde type - giving him time in your home for a month won't keep you and the kids safe. Maybe he'll be sweet ( and I have no doubt he is incredibly kind sober) but if he starts drinking, there is no predicting.

I vote he not stay in your home but if you want to stay supportive assuming he gets help immediately, you could. But do what is best for you and the kids. That you can control.

I don't want anything bad to happen to you and the kids. There's no rationalizing with chemicals.

 

[Venusian]

I am with the others on this, those 2 small children need to be safe. If you want to help your EX-husband with a place to stay maybe make it contingent on him remaining sober. One drink and out the door. You are divorced and your ex is a grown man who can take care of himself if he needs too. I am divorced and my ex kept staying in the house for months until I moved out, it was very hurtful and confusing for my kids. They saw us together trying to be civil but they felt the undercurrents. It was better for them when we had our own lives. It is hard at first but it was the best decision, very few ex couples can make sharing a home work especially if one is an alcoholic.

 

[Laurajayne27]

Having been the child in a similar scenario and still afflicted to this day by what happened and what I witnessed I say he's an adult he can make informed decisions and choices for himself your children cannot. They are your responsibility not him and please don't feel he is, it's not your burden to bare.

 

[Mtnativecohome]

Thank you all. I know the answer in my heart, but it's really hard. I told him today he would have to leave soon and find a place by the end of the month. It's hard to see someone hit rock bottom, he was using marjuana and tried to clean himself up so he could pass a drug test for a job. He was much better using marjuana. After he stopped that he started drinking and within one year has become an alcoholic. I have been giving up taking care of myself to take care of him. I need to really evaluate.

 

[kahlan]

The kids definitely need to come first. I'm echoing previous posts, he's a grown man and can sink or swim on his own. The kids can't.