Supporter Need help living with ptsd sufferer

[JustKeepSwimming]

Hi. I'm new to this community. I dont know where to turn or who to ask for help. Ny partner of 22years is suffering from ptsd. I know he is in pain and I just don't know what to do to help. We weren't at our best before this, but I think this was a major factor. I still love him so much and we have a family, but he says his love for ne has changed. He said he loves me like a friend and the emotional connection isn't there cause he feels numb. I understand he is in pain, but it doesn't stop it hurting. He has also found another female friend who he says makes him feel mpre alive and helps more than I do. I love him so much that i agreed that could continue but fear the temporary relief of some sence of feeling will overshadow what we have. I want to help him so much but hurt each time I'm pushed away. Please help! We've been with each other since we were teenagers and the love i have for him is deeper than any new excitement you find in any new relationship. I know I have faults and i will do what I need to help his pain. Please help!

 

[Maggie10009]

Hi. I'm new to this community. I dont know where to turn or who to ask for help. Ny partner of...

You are awesome for being so supportive. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I have PTSD and find that it is a constant struggle to be honest with myself about what is from PTSD and what is me being lazy and not wanting to put emotional work to improve my situation. Good Luck, my heart really goes out to you.

 

[Ka-9]

I gotta say, that's a tough spot.

I suffer, my wife might as well (we were both military/ first responder etc) but she's way to stubborn to ever get help. We've had way ups....way downs....but so far 16 years along, we still have each other's backs.

For what it may help, she went to the odd counselling session (like every 3rd one) with me and my pyschologist, and it helped enourmously. It has to be a very good, personable counsellor that your both respect mind you. But he'd have to be open, it seems you sure would be.

Good on you for being such a loyal sort, I wish you luck, and hope you don't put yourself second.

 

[JustKeepSwimming]

I gotta say, that's a tough spot.

I suffer, my wife might as well (we were both military/ first responde...

Thank you so much for your reply. I have been going to see a psychologist for myself. I can't hold my family together if I have fallen apart. It seems that "friend" of his that was helping had alteri motives like I had suspected and that threw a spanner in the works so to speak. I feel betrayed that the person I was loving and supporting could do that to me. Sometimes I feel like I can't carry us all. And sometimes I wonder why I even bother. I love him...YES. but is love enough when you feel you are always neglecting yourself for a one sided relationship. I always make sure he is ok and has what he needs so all he needs to do is heal. But who cares for me. Sometimes i feel I am at breaking point. Loving and supporting someone I am not sure deserves it at times. I know he is battling with the beast that is PTSD and Depression but does that cause selfishness? I want to keep loving him and supporting him but I don't know how long I can hold myself together. Lost :(

 

[JustKeepSwimming]

You are awesome for being so supportive. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I have PTSD and find that it is a con...

Thank you for your reply and insight. That is where my confusion lies. I don't know what is associated with his PTSD or just selfish needs. I guess I just have to follow my gut.

 

[Danielle Regan]

Hi. I'm new to this community. I dont know where to turn or who to ask for help. Ny partner of...

Honestly i have ptsd in my opinion from the other side sometimes its easier to meet someone new than be around people ive known for years including my bf in my own experiance i do this because the new people dont know me yes i may tell them i have ptsd but not everyone understands amd people ibe known for years who threw my ptsd in my opinion ive embarrassed myself or a, ashamed of things ive done when they have been around the people ive known for years alot of times ptsd suffers shut down push aside and act like nothin wrong all yoi can do is be there as a friend a support system although at the time we dont aprechaite it or think were not worthy of the help or support we actually dont know whats good for us and whats bad for us its a confusing illness up down nightmares wanting to die wantimg to kill yourself wantimg to kill other people nightmares flasbacks depression sleepless nights hurting the ones we lobe pushing them away to be with someone with ptsd takes a strong individual amd i praise anyone that can be the other person but also u have to think about your wants needs and life good luck with what ever hapensx

 

[JustKeepSwimming]

Honestly i have ptsd in my opinion from the other side sometimes its easier to meet someone new....

Thank you so much for your reply and insight to help me better understand my partner. I wont give up on him. It's not his fault he is suffering and I will support and love him as best I can. Hearing from other people helps me understand him more. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

[Fadeaway]

No PTSD does not cause selfishness, in fact, most people with PTSD are just the opposite. More empathetic and more willing to help others.

 

[JustKeepSwimming]

No PTSD does not cause selfishness, in fact, most people with PTSD are just the opposite. More empathe...

You are right in the fact he has been finding comfort in helping others. The only problem is he isn't noticing the people closest to him need the most help.