Relationship Do PTSD sufferers have trouble with forgiveness?

[Brumbyinthesunshine]

I see it differently. This seems a bit one sided. You are allowed to say something a bit off when you're upset. We all do it. It's human. For him to hang everything onto that one comment? Rather than see what made you say that comment? When he was already saying he can't see you and he's spending the holidays away from you...
To me, this reads as a guy who isn't looking for someone serious.

Good point @Movingforward10 - we are allowed to SAY something when we are upset. With respect and within reason. In my experience I have embraced and accepted ALL the space and time needed by my loved one- space needed to go to the coast, space for special days, birthdays, space needed for after each therapy ,EMDR and hypnosis (fatigue sets in)
So lets do some maths -if we have a 100% of time in a basket which was given to us ,10% to 15% was given by me as a supporter to my loved one each time they needed space and time- I am rubbish at maths but this is an easy sum to figure. Left us (or me )with only having my loved one for 20%of that time.
I started to wonder if any consideration was given to me( which is reasonable)making you feel second best.

I.M.E, when he has gone M.I.A I look outside of myself and put him first ,thinking and feeling "hey this(space) is good for him eventually good for US.

However, when there is an increased need for space(for the loved one) and sudden "stops and pauses" are continually demanded (without a discussion or a chance to communicate)from the relationship it eventually becomes(for the supporter) like turning the life support switch ON and OFF.

The switch is in the hands of the sufferer. The gasping and lack of oxygen is felt by the supporter.

Then comes the tousle of NOT wanting to offend the loved one, of respecting their need, being patient ,awaiting, and waiting ,of honouring the PTSD, the depression that they have, of being considerate, being there - for them.

And then you find your self wondering is the 'need for his space' truly genuine or just an excuse, which then sets the ball in motion to other concerns, worries, anxieties and worst of all doubts- does he love me?

At the end of the day- supporters are human too. Look after yourself.

 

[Donna]

I see it differently. This seems a bit one sided. You are allowed to say something a bit off when you're upset. We all do it. It's human. For him to hang everything onto that one comment? Rather than see what made you say that comment? When he was already saying he can't see you and he's spending the holidays away from you...
To me, this reads as a guy who isn't looking for someone serious.
It also reads as though you might want to build up your boundaires and what you wany from a relationship?
As the two of you seem on different pages? That's ok. But why put up with behaviour you don't appreciate when it's only 5 months in?

I strongly agree with this comment also.

 

[Confused1]

UPDATE: Unfortunately, I discovered this man that I was in love with doesn’t exist. I found out he’s living a double life and lied to me for the last 8 months.

We had made plans a few weeks ago and he cancelled on me last minute saying he needs to catch up on “home renovations” he has been doing since we started dating. I realized he used this to have an excuse for not inviting me over during the whole relationship. He also told me he owned his home. Well, when he last-minute cancelled, I expressed how I did not feel like I was a priority and that I don’t think it’s conducive to our relationship to spend so little time together. He proceeded to be a complete jerk and gaslight me. That’s when I had enough and started to question EVERYTHING. From what I’ve been reading that others have posted in this thread, some of his behavior wasn’t lining up with what’s common with PTSD.

Anyway, I did a very deep google dive to find out that the deed to “his home” is actually in the name of a couple. I also found a rental listing of THAT SAME HOME posted by a young woman around my age and in the description, she writes “my home”. I go on Facebook to find that this young woman looks a lot like me and is the daughter to the couple whose names are on the deed. She posted that listing a couple weeks before me and my bf, now ex-bf, met.

Clearly, he lied. Also, never let me come to his home. Also, never picked up the phone when I would randomly call him at night, only when I would ask if we could talk via text. When he would send me screenshots of our conversation back to me, he would crop out my name, probably because he had my name listed as something else. He didn’t spend any holidays with me. He would be so incredibly loving when we were together but would only sleep over a handful of times. The cherry on top is that I found out this young woman and her family are Peruvian and they go to Peru for trips frequently and he went to Peru for nearly a month during the holidays.

I have not reached out to him in 2 weeks and haven’t heard a peep from him. There’s a lot more that happened in between to make me realize he’s turned me into “the other woman” without my knowledge. Needless to say, I consider him an ex-boyfriend now.

Thank you to everyone who contributed to this thread to help me navigate my relationship. We all live and we learn

 

[AliyahZhang]

Especially for those struggling with CPTSD where the trauma might be long-term or involve multiple experiences, forgiving someone can feel like trying to climb a greased mountain.
It's easy to say "forgive and forget," but the reality is, the wounds can run deep. Forgiveness can be a long, messy journey, and it doesn't always look like a picture-perfect Hallmark moment.
Sometimes, forgiveness might be more about letting go of the anger and resentment that's eating you up from the inside, rather than saying everything is sunshine and roses. It's about creating an emotional distance from the trauma and taking back your power.