Need Help With Domestic Violence

[Em C.]

Personally (and others may disagree), unless you have great building security it ay be best to move somewhere were he can't find you. Living in the same place may keep you constantly afraid in ways that living somewhere else may not

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe wait until you are in a safe place to contact the leasing office?

 

[saoirserylyn]

My parents hated him from the beginning and we're scared for me to move away with him, but he was so sweet and nice to me until we moved in together. Then everything fell apart. My mom said she saw it coming because he was quiet and not very social able. I liked that about him because I'm quite the hermit myself. But I guess mom knows best =/.
His mother was abusive to him when he was a child, he hates women because of it. I think he looks at me as his abusive mother. I don't quite know, but I do know it's not right and I don't need to be his punching bag.

 

[WildMermaid]

Get out. Please go now, let us know you are in a safe space later. Life is precious and so many lose theirs from domestic violence, it can happen lightning fast. Nothing else matters right now but getting and staying safe.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think it is important to put a SO through the "friend test" as I like to call it. If you introduce a partner to your friends/family and they all/most get a bad feeling about him, time to kick him to the curb. I'm not saying that approval is necessary, rather your friends/family aren't viewing the SO through lovey-dovey rose colored glasses which may blind us from the truth.

 

[saoirserylyn]

I just never imagined he'd hurt me. We've had our fair share of arguments (happens pretty often with my ptsd, I get scared and lash out yelling). But he usually just ignores me and goes to the other room to play video games. Something in him snapped last night. The person hovering over me staring down at me wasn't him at all it was a monster. I'll never get that image out of my head. I vaguely remember someone mentioning that he's been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, think it was his mother that told me. But now that I've seen that side of him, I never want to look at him again. I know what he's capable of and I don't want to find out first hand exactly what it is.

 

[scout86]

Can I suggest that you also contact your therapist about all this? (For a bunch of reasons.) They might know of resources you're not aware of. They've probably had other clients in the same situations, so they have experience with the local situation. They also might be willing to help you with the reporting process. In a "he said/she said" situation, it can't hurt to have input from an "expert".

Good luck!

 

[Friday]

To be blunt: This is the same man you've assaulted at least once in the past, for at least 2 weeks, and there's been an ongoing issue of your being verbally abusive on top of the initial physical abuse when you first moved in.

As you asked him to do something for you, refused to take no for an answer, and came after him? And all of his attacks on your person were in trying to get you away from him? To get himself somewhere safe? He has a very justifiable argument for self defense.

We often treat our spouses and partners badly due to PTSD... And it's wrong.

This has clearly escalated to the point where the relationship isn't salvageable. How you want to handle the dissolution of it is up to you. The idea of bringing in more police and forcing confrontations and evictions is one way. A very dramatic and pain filled way that might just bite you in your ass if he does claim the self defense even I can see in your posts. There are other ways to go about this, without inflicting as much pain as possible on everyone involved.

 

[Justmehere]

Call your local women's shelter. They hopefully have lots of options to help around all of this. If you can't find one in your area, call the United Way. They often have lists of possible resources to help.

 

[saoirserylyn]

Self defense against what? I asked him a question, thought he didn't hear me (because he so often tunes me out as his own form of abuse), so I asked him again. Do I deserve to have the shit kicked out of me and be attacked for asking him a question?

It's simply further proof to me that he doesn't need to be near me. I'm fully aware that I have ptsd. When I first moved in with him, he didn't want me medicated because he claimed it turned me into a zombie. I tried going off the meds and it backfired and I drove both of us crazy. Not sleeping, up late with nightmares, leaving in the middle of the night to run to get things out of my head and him wondering where I'd run off too. It was a bad idea. I'm back on my meds because they make my life easier and it's what is best for me. The last time the police were involved they recommended that I get back on my medication and I have since done so. Things have been a lot easier for me.

However, since I am no longer getting upset, that bothers my boyfriend and he has become abusive to attempt getting a rise out of me. I decided a long time ago that I am going to be the bigger person for now on and walk away. Which is what I have been doing. Last night when I realized he wasn't going to move the truck, I turned to walk away and he hit me again. It wasn't self defense. He was kicking me while I laid on the couch crying.
Ptsd or not, no one deserves to be treated like this. I am not going to put up with it any longer.

 

[Justmehere]

You are on the right path in realizing how unhealthy and abusive he is. I admire your courage to face it head on.

Considering how dangerous he is when you calmly stand up for yourself, please get outside support to handle moving out and any interaction with him. Abusers like this typically escalate when someone now appropriately rejects them and sets very healthy boundaries and takes steps to get out of situations like this.

Please stay elsewhere until you have a supported plan to handle getting him out. I understand why you don't want to call police, and it's all your choice what you do. Please just consider getting outside help from someone, if only so that there is a witness and other protection if he does escalate.

 

[saoirserylyn]

Yeah, he's absolutely the most insane person I've ever met. I've had some pretty shitty boyfriends, but nothing like this guy. Not only is he abusive, but he constantly tries to twist things that I say around until I'm not even sure what's going on. My therapist called in gas lighting or something like that (I'm not sure of the exact terminology here).

I suffered a brain injury during my trauma that has affected my memory. Just one example of how he abuses me. He will constantly tell me that I forget things, that I've said things I know I never said... He plays with my head trying to distort my reality. It's really tough because sometimes I honestly don't know. He's even sat and video taped me crying after a nightmare before. Just so he could "prove to everyone that I'm crazy."

And it sucks because, in truth, I am crazy. I have horrible nightmares and sometimes takes me a while in the mornings for me to get a grip and realize that I'm safe at home. But he shouldn't have sat there and videotaped me crying. Which is why the cops got called the last time. I realized he was taping me, so I tried to grab his phone and he hit me... I screamed and called the cops and didn't stop screaming until the police got there.

While I was screaming my boyfriend locked himself in the bathroom and cut his arms saying I attacked him to get his phone. I learned through that experience that I can't get close to him or he'll accuse me of something, so I always stay away from him when we talk or argue now.