Relationship Need Some Advise On How To Help Improve Memory

[3kidsinpa]

At a lost on this issue and can really use some advice before I have the nervous breakdown that I deserve.

My husband cannot remember anything. He know this and is suppose to be keeping a log or calendar but does not. We are leaving for vacation this week and have to drop our dog at the kennel the morning we leave. I just found a postcard from the vet (addressed to him) that says the dog is due for shots the end of last month. He gets the mail daily and is to go through the mail, pull out his, and then place all other mail in a bin for me to check periodically. I don't check it often because I pay all bills on line so it's usually junk mail.

I am frustrated that he would not even check before we leave to verify if the shots are up to date (he knows to do this as the dog is his responsibility). He even had the nerve to try to blame the lady at the kennel for not telling him shots are due when he scheduled the visit. If I had not asked him about the dog and the postcard we would not have been able to on vacation when we tried to drop the dog off that morning.

I am beyond frustrated at the constant checking behind him and I feel like I cannot trust him to do anything. It is a constant argument. What have you found that helps your veteran remember important tasks.

I need help fast....not sure how much more I can take. I need a husband not another kid.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have ptsd and I have a problem, things just do not occur to me. I am so used to being alone and on my own even though I have been married for 36 yrs, Now I am the caregiver for my husband and the responsibilies are mine to do. If I do not do them, they do not get done.

I was very dependent on my husband so the change in roles has been very hard on me. Is your husband very dependent on you? I am just curious. I would continually forget things. I do not do that anymore. I am sorry I cannot offer you any assistance. It just seems that he is dependent on you. I agree he should do his responsibilities. I am wishing you the best and good luck.

 

[3kidsinpa]

You are right. He has seemed dependent upon me. Any suggestions on how to turn the tide?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think it would be good for you to encourage him to become more independent. You could tell him that you need to share the jobs. And you will have to be strong in setting your limits and boundries.

Tell him you need him to do such and such and let it go. Make sure he knows how to do what you want him to do. It will be hard on you to let go and let him handle the job. if he fails he suffers the consequences alone. Show him that you love him and encourage him when he does well. Baby steps. I am wishing you the best. Good luck.

 

[Toria]

Could it be that he feels that he cannot deal with other people - eg, ringing the vets to make the appointment, taking the dog down to the vets etc so puts it off? The other thing that sprung to mind was whether the the thought of the holiday could be making him stressed as my Husband's memory goes out of the window when he's stressed or has something else on his mind.

It can be hard when bills go unpaid, cars go unchecked etc etc. Personally, I have had to take on a lot of his roles otherwise - as you say - things do not get done. I'm afraid I don't have the answers, but the putting the post in a basket for you to deal with sounds like a good system - could you introduce other systems? Perhaps make lists of what needs doing on a daily or weekly basis and tick them off as they get done? You could put his and hers initials against the tasks.

Best of luck x

 

[BigBear]

Angel is having similar problems. She decided that we should have white boards on the hall wall outside her Bedroom. We keep lots of scheduling info there, etc.

It seems to be helping...

Bear

 

[amethist]

My husbands memory is not good either since PTSD was diagnosed.

He can remember things he has brought up and can remember big things, but the small stuff is a problem.

Things like phone calls when I am out, conversations he has had with his parents or friends. He will tell me about them, but then days later mention something that was said days ago, something that at the time was important.

I have suggested he write things down that may be important, but he forgets to do that too.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Could it be that he feels that he cannot deal with other people - eg, ringing the vets to make the appointment, taking the dog down to the vets etc so puts it off? The other thing that sprung to mind was whether the the thought of the holiday could be making him stressed as my Husband's memory goes out of the window when he's stressed or has something else on his mind.

We could be sharing the same hubby Toria :eek:. Also, like 3kidsinpa, he knows his memory it non existant at times. I've always used lists and kept a calendar on the back of the kitchen door to write my things to do so I guess that made it easier for him to to write his stuff on there too. He usually manages to do this himself these days but sometimes still needs a prompt.

Paperwork is a hassle for me too. It's a good day when the postman hasn't got anything for us, I breathe a sigh of relief.

 

[timetorecover]

I am the same, if not worse than him. Its avoidance, social phobia and overwhelmed feelings. It's a big mess really and from a sufferers point of view, I do not know where to start. My priorities are making sure that my kids are in a routine. If I did not have that motivation I think I would be worse.
I think it must be really hard to support PTSD.
My memory is shocking. I frustrate myself and m y husband.
There are lots of games that can help improve your memory and concentration. I play them on my iPhone. Does he have an iPhone?
I play logic games and concentration improves, memory pairs and also tetros which i was reading recently, is a very good brain stimulant!!
Good luck :)

 

[WilliamTecker]

In such cases makes an habit of reading and keep making your mind think over again and again on some topic which would make your brain think over it.