Need support

[Cannottakethis]

My divorce from my abusive husband will be final on December 12. Since this whole process started, he continues to call me all the time, text all the time, he has asked for sex multiple times; he feels like we should be good friends. He also continues to say hurtful things, insult me, put me down, put my family down and generally act the same way he did before and part of the reason why I decided to divorce him. I continuously push him away, don’t take his calls, ignore his texts and do my best to not speak with him unless it has to do with the divorce. He is relentless, and there have been days when he will call me more than 10 times. I only have a few more days until the divorce is final and I am hoping that that will be the end of it all. He supposed to give me a settlement, and I am worried that he will drag that out just to keep in contact with me. He is also now bringing up our lease that doesn’t end until April but I am planning on moving out early and dealing with the landlord on my own. Now he is asking for a contract to be written up and wants to get together to sign it. I do not want to see him I tell him to fax me something and I will have it notarized and FedEx it to him. He makes excuses he wants to have circular conversations. When I don’t answer the phone he will text me how important things are. He doesn’t understand that there’s no need to go over the things that were wrong with our marriage because it’s over. I plan on going no contact as soon as the divorce is final and I get my settlement money. I just need to make it through the next few days So I’m asking for support from all of you to be there for me until Monday December 11 at 9:30 AM Eastern time when our divorce becomes final and I’m supposed to get my settlement check the next day. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm so sorry this thread got missed! I'll watch it in case you need more support. :hug:

It sounds like he's doing everything he can you retain control over you. Do you have a lawyer? It sounds like a restraining order might be a good idea for you....

Sending you support and encouragement.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Thoughts are with you along with some heart hugs. I'd get as much paperwork in place as humanly possible to limit his contact, and would have protection on me or close by me in some form in case he chooses not to respect your boundaries. Take kind care of you and don't let him talk you into anything. I'm so glad you're away from him.

 

[LuckiLee]

Sending support, strength and courage.

Be safe and take care of yourself.

 

[Cannottakethis]

OMG first thank you everyone.
I’m so overwhelmed. Yesterday I put my cat down and then today after Therapy, I came home and my key broke off in the door and I was locked out. And I just started crying. I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. One of the workers near by helped me jimmy the lock open , and then I tried to get the key out but it’s stuck. I called my parents and my dad is paying for a locksmith for me. So grateful. And then I’m going to sell my ring. I wasn’t going to but I need the cash. And it’s one more step away.

 

[Deleted member 541]

This will all be over soon. Just try to keep your head above water. Coping skills, being kind to yourself and hopefully soon you can tell the asshole to go f*ck off!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

He doesn’t understand that there’s no need to go over the things that were wrong with our marriage because it’s over.

He does not want to understand you, he is in fact, controlling you and it appears he is escallating. Document everything you can even record his calls to you so that you have enough evidence if you need it to get a restraining order and do get some of protection just in case. I am not trying to scare you, but this man is a very scary guy to me, and he has been violating your boundaries since you filed for divorce and demands your attention.

I am praying for your safety from possible harm and the wisdom to use your common sense at the right times and go no contact now since it is so close to the final divorce settlement.

I am so thankful for you to have your dad to help and watch out for you. Be very safe for awhile and try to take someone with you to court and back. If he should come over, do not wait and just call the police to build a case against. It is going to be harder to go no contact with him now after he has made so many inroads into your time and attention. After all is said and done, block him on your phone unless you have already planned to do this.

You are very brave and couragous for leaving him and getting him away from you. He does not see or hear the real you, he has an idea of who you represent to him and he sounds seriously disturbed. Please just be as safe as you can all of the time and if you have not done so yet, keep your doors locked at all times.

Do you have a dog? They are so good at barking to warn you if someone is outside your home lurking about. Like I said I am not trying to scare you, it is not my intention. I belong to a group of people who deal with abusive husbands and the lengths many of these men go to, to keep their control is scary.

Like I said I am praying for the best possible outcomes, yet you have options and inner strength to implement these ideas now. Keep us updated and good luck.:hug:

 

[WhiteHatGirl]

My divorce from my abusive husband will be final on December 12. Since this whole process start...

Why can't you have your attorney be in the middle, so all contact has to go through the attorney?
If you don't have kids, I'd do that and also change my number so he doesn't get it.

 

[WhiteHatGirl]

Oh, and I'm pretty sure his behavior may be defined as borderline personality disorder. You can look it up, maybe there are pages on how to deal with people with this disorder.

 

[mumstheword]

I'm feeling for you, going through this hard time. I hope you can focus on self-care and getting all the necessary help to put in boundaries that make you feel safe and in control of your own life.
I went through a long term relationship with a very controlling person. It takes time to cotton on to the manipulative ploys but when you realize the intent and motivation behind the behaviours, it helps, because "the truth shall set you free" !!!

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I too hope @Cannottakethis that through your attorney you will put in place a "no contact" order or rule so that after the divorce is finalized you will no longer have to engage in any further phone or any other type of communication with this seemingly very controlling soon to be ex-husband.

It would also seem that initiating healthier boundaries in place now...will assist you in the not so distant future in keeping him away from you once your divorce is finalized.

And then hopefully you will be able to move on with your life...and he will leave you alone. Best wishes.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Hang in there, sweetie. One thing you're about to learn is that you are about a thousand times stronger than you ever thought you were.