Need to lose half a stone in 2 days.

[Lisa]

I'm going out Thursday night. Yes... going OUT. It's a friend's birthday.

I will have to mix with PEOPLE. Okay, a few drinks, I can do that.

The bigger problem is my self-consciousness. So I was in a lecture today... I'm taking an Eating Disorders module. And frankly... it's making me hate myself! And hungry!

I used to have somewhat obsessive tendencies towards dieting. It's been gradually disappearing over the last couple of years... I've truly stopped caring about what I eat, how many calories it has, and what I am going to have to do to burn it off. I remember having to count, and re-count over and over how many calories I'd just eaten, because I couldn't trust that I'd counted right. But now, I haven't been to the gym in forever, and I just figured 'well, my friends like me for me, who am I trying to impress?'.

Except the clubbing scene really does something to my sense of security in my own body. It always has.

So the lecture on Anorexia nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, EDNOS, BED basically had me depressed when I left today. I'm bloated at the moment (IBS playing up), plus I've been doing a little comfort eating... and it's showing. My clothes are tight... and I am NOT happy.

Somethings going on with my circulation at the moment too. My right leg keeps going numb. But that shouldn't be weight related... I'm a size 12. Okay, I lied, I'm a size 14 (it's something different in other countries outside the UK by the way). Not exactly obese... but overweight. But nonetheless size or not... my leg is weird at the moment.

Anyway... so I was standing in front of the mirror, trying to decide what to wear on Thursday night. I don't think I could find one piece of my body I liked. I don't even like my knees! I have bad genes. Big knees, short legs, and a chubby disposition/sweet appetite. It's HARD work to get me to a size 10 and I can never stay there. My hair is 'dark blonde' which basically means 'shit blonde' (hence highlights). I'm also shit-haired generally, which means over-using straighteners. I would DIE without my straighteners. I have lumps in the right places (and the wrong places too) and I wish they weren't there. People refer to me as "the girl with big ones". No, I don't have a name apparently. And I have big calf muscles (too much irish dancing as a kid or more of my bad genes). My fathers side are all crazy (as in, diagnosed crazies), full of suicides, alcoholism, mental illness, and all the rest. My mum's side are all lovely, but anxious.

I always HOPED I was adopted!

So I can't change most of that, without surgery or something... so

How can I lose half a stone in 2 days?

Hm. Less food - some exercise - get rid of bloat. Go shopping. Them special tights, the ones that hold in bum AND tum... and suck in my belly all night long until I'm too drunk not to care and just let it all flop.

Not gonna quite be half a stone in loss... but might get rid of some bloat and water retention...

So now I am going on a DIET!

See. This is what socialising does to me. It's not good for me. It just makes me feel UGLY. I suddenly become one of those body-image obsessed girls, who places the importance of their entire existance on how they look. I can't help it. I feel ugly.

:(

 

[Andre]

What makes you care if others find you a little overweight anyway? Will it make any difference to lose it quickly and then gain it back? These people are friends or you wouldn't go, and if anyone insults you then maybe time to question calling them a friend. You want to lose half a stone, and you might lose it in water but thats not too good since you'll get it right back. I've put on a stone since August last year, and can't count it all as added muscle and its of metal. I don't really like it either so I am working toward increasing amounts of exercise as I find I can manage it and making a plan for a long term change to get back to my normal weight. If you don't like where you are then focus on a long term plan for change and not short term ones that just get you caught up worrying and make you depressed about not meeting impossible deadlines.

 

[2quilt]

What's a stone, in American? I love you, Lisa. Just the way you are! In the states we have this leg hose called "Spanks" that are thick and they are supposed to hold in all your tummy and butt and lumpy hips. Spanks are expensive. My question is, where the hell does the Spanks put all my fat? Under the couch seats? The money we waste to imagine that we are more slim! Pfft! Gimme a chocolate chip cookie!

 

[2quilt]

Make that two chocolate chip cookies. I need to eat a balanced diet.

 

[Lisa]

Haha 2quilt, as I write this I am eating biscuits... so much for diet. But it's 'that time of months', so I need the serotonin boost. It's a medical fact.

A stone in American language is 14 pounds.

Spanks... that is what I was talking about! LOL spanks... what a strange name!

Andre... you talk sense. I guess it's just my insecurities. Women are obsessed with weight, I don't know why. I guess that even I like to think that someone would find me attractive, especially as I am going out on Valentines Day! Despite the fact that if a man were to show interest in my tonight, I would RUN a mile! It so gets on my nerves when men start bothering me when I'm out with friends trying to have fun... and there's this arrogant boy trying to snog you at every opportunity.

Well, I guess that says it. Men can not do anything right! LOL I want someone to show interest... but I don't want them to show any interest!

 

[2quilt]

Okay now, it's time for another British Language class. Cookies are biscuits, right? Then what do you call American biscuits?
What is 'snogging?' Is it like trying to surprize you with a kiss when you turn your head, or is it something far more sinister, requiring a condom and the backseat of a Chevy?

Lisa, you and 2Quilt are on the same monthly schedule. I have been craving chocolate all week. Honey, we don't need a man, we just need chocolate!

 

[Lisa]

OMG, get us on the same schedule LOL!

Cookies are biscuits, yes.

LOL it's like we speak foreign languages - snogging is french kissing! What do you call that over there? Good god it certainly is not something more sinister in the backseat of a Chevy (assume that's a car!)... no that's NOT my style LOL.

So I went out last night. It wasn't quite as bad as the last 2times, where something disastrous happened both times. however I was only out for 2 hours... something to do with too much vodka. Ended up throwing up, and shamefully, the other end was going at the same time... the funny thing was I didn't feel drunk at all. I was talking to someone outside the club and suddenly started feeling nauseous while she was mid-conversation. I remember thinking "Hurry up and get to the end of your sentence so that I can be polite and make my excuses because I'm going to be sick!". I said to her "I'm really sorry you will have to excuse me, I feel a little ill"... I turned around, and promptly threw up! Neatly, though.

I thought "well, that sorts that. Feel much better now. I'll go to the toilet and pee, then get another drink." Good thing I needed to pee, as I thought I was done throwing up... and well, clearly I wasn't.

I had to get a taxi home. Then had to get a taxi BACK to the club because I didn't have my key, and then go back home...

... I am sure most of you know what it's like in the backseat of a car when you're drunk and have been sick... it took a LOT of control not to throw up the first time.. .and then I had to do another 2 journeys!!

Oh my. It was not pretty, nor ladylike.

I think my drinking days are over.

 

[Andre]

See, if you had lost half a stone you would have been even more drunk on the same vodka and then you might not have been able to be so neat vomiting all over the place. Don't think the smiley will work here. Ah, well. At least you did get out for a little while last night.

 

[Lisa]

LOL, this is very true Andre. I used to eat nothing the day I went out (well, used to eat nothing generally for a while), and I was always, always sick. In fact, sadly, it got to a point where I needed to be sick at the end of the night so that I could reassure myself the calories from the drink were out. Meh... they were sad days.

But you are quite right - might not have been so neat if I hadn't have eaten!

My diet is over. I'm just going to go back to eating when I'm hungry, and eating what I want, but perhaps keep an eye on what I'm eating and go for the healthy option instead.

 

[2quilt]

Hey Lisa, I hope you feel better today! Vodka is so strong. Especially on an empty stomach. I hope you had fun last night, despite the sickness. I won free tickets to a comedy club tonight so Darling Husband and I are going to see the bartender from the Drew Carey Show.