Nervous About Emdr

[SarahD]

This Saturday I will be doing EMDR for the second time. We did it once several months ago with my main trauma and CBT since. Things have been going well. But food is a still a major trigger for me and affecting my entire family. We have spent the past two or three sessions creating a "trauma" story about my food issues and will be attacking it this week. My anxiety around meal times is up--I guess I am hypervigilant right now. And I know what to expect this time--the exhaustion, being non-functional for at least 24 hours, maybe longer. I am stable on my meds and have increased my relaxation time/CD to help prepare.

Just needed to post this somewhere someone may understand. My body is betraying me this week. We won't be able to do the therapy if I am not in a good place, but I don't want to push it further down the road. I want to do it this week and move forward--not that I am looking forward to the exposure therapy we have planned for the following sessions... Just...scared.

 

[Joan]

Here for you Sarah...I also am doing EMDR and know how tough it is. I also understand the whole feeling that your body is betraying you. I can tell you that as I have moved through and gotten further along my relationship with my body is overall better.
Be proud of yourself for facing your fears head on. here sitting with you as you need or want.,

 

[radicalgratitude]

Hi Sarah, I have never done EMDR but I do have food issues and it can be annoying how they get in the way of progress in other areas of treatment. Do you know what exactly these food issues provide for you? Do they allow you to have control of something, to avoid the trauma, to feel good about something, etc?

 

[ashdawn8287]

Therapy is rough. I am so sorry you are dealing with this but don't best yourself up. You are string and you will be okay. I'm glad you posted and I am cheering you on over here.

I had 2 sessions of EMDR in may. I realized I needed to get at a better place with CBT therapy before going further. I spent all summer fighting my internal demons. I am being patient with EMDR so I don't go over board. It's perfectly okay to take a break and set it down if you become overwhelmed so just remember that. That helps me. I haven't gotten past the building safety stage yet but I plan to schedule an appointment soon. I feel a lot more comfortable with myself and more in control. It is just hard to do because I know it will disrupt my life for a little. I am still working on bouncing back faster after I have a rough day.

Anyways, you are not alone. I understand. Just remember not to beat yourself up, symptoms could arise but you can and will do this! You are strong!,

 

[Flyaway]

What helps me to get through my fears is keeping my eye on the big picture :) EMDR will take no more than an hour, and the benefits will be far reaching! Its going to feel so good to eat without the same degree of anxiety! this will effect everything else for the better- your energy, health, serotonin levels, relationships etc... Hang in there! Lots of self care until Saturday- you're going to get through this! :tup:

 

[SarahD]

Actually, I have a fear of food. Or more accurately, a fear of vomitting, hence a fear of eating something that may make me sick. I don't want to talk about food, look at food, smell food, prepare food, or eat food. I am a homeschool mom who has trouble making lunch for my kids and my husband handles breakfast and dinner. We do not have healthy eating habits and the last three years have taken it's toll. I just eat what is in front of me, get it over with, and leave. I avoid my kitchen most of the time. So I have NO control in this area, hence the reason to try EMDR and then a slow progression of exposure therapy. Our goal is to get me to a place where I am not afraid of eating and slowly work all the way up to planning, preparing, and fixing meals. It seems like such a long road.

Thank you all for the words of support. I think I will be reading them a lot in the next four days.

 

[SarahD]

Well, my appointment got rescheduled. My therapist had to go out town last minute. I now have another 15 days to work on not being anxious over the EMDR session. Frustrated, but trying to stay calm and go with the flow.

 

[SarahD]

So tomorrow is the day. This past week has been awful. I was sick last weekend and barely fought off anxiety/flashbacks. A woman I have never met, or even heard of, but we all call our HG (Hyperemesis Gravidarum) sister, terminated her pregnancy on Monday. It happens to even the most pro-life of us and we all grieve. HG is so evil, and we are all forever changed by it whether or not we go on to have PTSD. It's never hit me so hard with someone I didn't have ANY connection with before, but I was out of sorts for three days over her news. And I had the privilege of being hormonal this week. REALLY need a peaceful night and lots of rest. I'm dreading Monday and Tuesday more than tomorrow though, since I get to just come home and do nothing the rest of the day. I have two committments on Monday and even with skipping Bible Study and my husband helping out Tuesday I have three committments that day.

I am coming up on three years since my breakdown. I thought my suffering was over after my last pregnancy. I never imagined I would be reliving the nightmare through another disorder. The pregnancy was only nine months. I don't want PTSD for life. So tomorrow will come. I will do my best and hopefully get through this second session of EMDR. My meds are working well. I hope I am not on them forever. But I needed them last weekend, so I know now is not the time. One step at a time. Tomorrow won't be pretty, but the real work, the hard work never is...