Daisy Days
New Here
Hello. I'm from Canberra, Australia. I'm here because I was searching for a support group for people with Complex PTSD and Structural Dissociation.
My story is a complex one, as I know everyone else's in here will be too. My PTSD began when I was 18 months old after sexual assault by my paternal grandfather and paternal uncle. That continued until I was 4 years old because my family moved interstate. Between the ages of 5 and 8, I was sexually assaulted by a family friend who I called uncle. Again, that finished when my family moved to a new state.
At 12 I was raped by my best friends older brothers. At 17 I found myself in a hostage situation for at least 3 months by a church youth leader. I had gone to do some volunteer work with him over the other side of the country from where I lived. He was the best friend of my youth group leader in a church I attended in my home town. I had gotten to know him when he visited Canberra over a few years and thought I could trust him. I was interested in studying social work at uni and he was a high school counsellor/youth pastor/pastor.
All was good for the first couple of weeks, but then went bad very very quickly. He took my plane ticket and my wallet. This was back in 1988, so no one had mobile phones or computers for me to call home. He made me write letters to friends and family, telling them not to bother trying to contact me because I was busy and having a great time. He had me. Not only did he brutalise, torture, threaten, rape and beat me, he had other men coming to do the same. Sometimes one at a time, other times they came in groups. I was drugged, the room he had taken me too was kept in darkness. I was disoriented, terrified, needed medical attention and convinced I would never see home again.
Photos and video was taken of me and this youth counsellor told me that if he did let me go alive, he had proof on film of me being a willing participant and would destroy me. He was a big man of 6ft 4 and probably weighing over 130kg. He was in his mid 40's, had a wife and children. I was 5ft 2 and about 47kg. I was no match. He told me a story of killing a child when he was a teenager because he made him angry. He said it was an unsolved murder even to that day.
To say I was frightened by this man and what he could do to me is an understatement. Once I got home again I didn't mention anything to anyone. I tended to my wounds and stayed in bed. I isolated myself from family and friends because of the shame I felt. I finally told my story to a therapist 4 years ago. She was helping me leave a dv marriage with my 4 children safely. I had the opportunity to tell my story in a private hearing at the royal commission into institutional child sexual abuse. It was a really hard process, but I was glad I could contribute to the cause. Since then, I have worked with my therapist to find some kind of normality in my life.
A We uncovered 'parts' that I have living inside my head. I went to a psych who prescribed medication and gave me the diagnosis of CPTSD with Structural Dissociation. I'm here to find other people like me. If you're out there, please let me know.
My story is a complex one, as I know everyone else's in here will be too. My PTSD began when I was 18 months old after sexual assault by my paternal grandfather and paternal uncle. That continued until I was 4 years old because my family moved interstate. Between the ages of 5 and 8, I was sexually assaulted by a family friend who I called uncle. Again, that finished when my family moved to a new state.
At 12 I was raped by my best friends older brothers. At 17 I found myself in a hostage situation for at least 3 months by a church youth leader. I had gone to do some volunteer work with him over the other side of the country from where I lived. He was the best friend of my youth group leader in a church I attended in my home town. I had gotten to know him when he visited Canberra over a few years and thought I could trust him. I was interested in studying social work at uni and he was a high school counsellor/youth pastor/pastor.
All was good for the first couple of weeks, but then went bad very very quickly. He took my plane ticket and my wallet. This was back in 1988, so no one had mobile phones or computers for me to call home. He made me write letters to friends and family, telling them not to bother trying to contact me because I was busy and having a great time. He had me. Not only did he brutalise, torture, threaten, rape and beat me, he had other men coming to do the same. Sometimes one at a time, other times they came in groups. I was drugged, the room he had taken me too was kept in darkness. I was disoriented, terrified, needed medical attention and convinced I would never see home again.
Photos and video was taken of me and this youth counsellor told me that if he did let me go alive, he had proof on film of me being a willing participant and would destroy me. He was a big man of 6ft 4 and probably weighing over 130kg. He was in his mid 40's, had a wife and children. I was 5ft 2 and about 47kg. I was no match. He told me a story of killing a child when he was a teenager because he made him angry. He said it was an unsolved murder even to that day.
To say I was frightened by this man and what he could do to me is an understatement. Once I got home again I didn't mention anything to anyone. I tended to my wounds and stayed in bed. I isolated myself from family and friends because of the shame I felt. I finally told my story to a therapist 4 years ago. She was helping me leave a dv marriage with my 4 children safely. I had the opportunity to tell my story in a private hearing at the royal commission into institutional child sexual abuse. It was a really hard process, but I was glad I could contribute to the cause. Since then, I have worked with my therapist to find some kind of normality in my life.
A We uncovered 'parts' that I have living inside my head. I went to a psych who prescribed medication and gave me the diagnosis of CPTSD with Structural Dissociation. I'm here to find other people like me. If you're out there, please let me know.
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