Sufferer New Diagnoses?

[ladyonthelake]

Due to issues I have been having at work, I went to a behavioral health center today. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety for a while. I reached out to this Intensive Outpatient Program because I have been feeling exceedingly low and disorganized and it is causing me problems at work. I have gone through counseling in the past, but it always seemed like none of my therapists addressed my childhood. They were all interested in my current behavior. Today, after doing the intake paperwork, the Psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD.

I was abused during my childhood. A lot. For as long as I can remember. There were belts, metal pipes, broken noses, cigarette burns, screaming, belittling, heads being knocked in to dashboards, holes in walls. It started with my father and ended with my brother. It was honestly worse with my brother. My mother, a severe alcoholic, completely ignored it all. I left home at 17 after my brother broke my nose and she blamed me. I hate when old friends try to talk about childhood because I don't remember a large portion of it.

I’ve had a lot of problems as an adult. I’ve had ups and downs and a few in betweens. I used to have nightmares as a child that I was just falling forever. They have returned within the past month. I wake up drenched in sweat. I have completely isolated myself and do not speak to anyone in my family about past abuse or the resultant mental issues it may or may not have caused. I do not seek out relationships with people anymore. I am afraid to leave my house. I think I will get fired from a job I have held for 5 years because I’ve become a bit paralyzed and also hate my boss.

I guess my question is, it is possible that PTSD has just started to rear its ugly head for me? I am 34 and the last time I was hit was 21. I have a difficult time keeping relationships. Work is a struggle. Is it common for something to come back so late afterward? Am I just looking for excuses? Why is it that this is coinciding at a time when I feel my security is threatened by possible job termination? When things get stressful like this, I completely shut down. I stop eating, cleaning, paying bills and taking proper care of myself. Is this part of PTSD or is it depression?

I haven’t started any therapy for PTSD, but have started therapy for depression and anxiety. I’m just really taken aback by the possibility that something that happened between 13-30 years ago could be causing me so many problems today.

Any input would be appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes. My guess is that your official diagnosis is PTSD subtype Delayed Onset. I have it too. I wasn't diagnosed until 25 years post trauma. It isn't uncommon.

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome!

And yes - I did not present with PTSD until nearly 30 years after the main event that caused it. I also have a depression and generalized anxiety diagnosis, and was getting help for those (finally, five years ago) when I started getting bubbles of the older trauma coming up. Then something happened in therapy and bam: PTSD.

So, you're not alone in that one. I hope you find a community here. It's a pretty amazing resource.

 

[GWhizz]

Yes - I am 28 and only recently diagnosed. My main traumas ended at age 16. It wasn't until I had a baby last yr that I was triggered and it all came horribly back into my life

 

[ladyonthelake]

Thanks for the input. I wasn't sure if it was possible to go so long. What are some of your favorite websites? I'm all over the place on google.

 

[Bookoffee]

Welcome to the board. You will find many here very helpful through your journey,

I found out about PTSD after a serious suicide attempt that had me in ICU for three days. I can relate,

 

[RussH]

@ladyonthelake Welcome to the forum. As you can see from the other post it is not uncommon for ptsd to have a delayed onset, or simply not be diagonsed for a long period of time.
My trauma took place between ages 6-14, but I was not officially diagnosed until age 57.
This does not mean that the PTSD had not presented itself, because it had, but I did not realize what was happening to me was something diagnosable until recently.

I am glad you found the forum, and look forward to getting to know you.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

Welcome to the forum, @ladyonthelake.

As you can see, you are not alone. I was abused as a child and was sexually assaulted in my late teens/early 20s but was diagnosed with PTSD after the birth of my 2nd child in my early 30s.

Therapy has been absolutely essential for me and I hope your therapist can help you with all that is going on.

This forum is a safe place to share. Keep talking.

 

[anthony]

is possible that PTSD has just started to rear its ugly head for me?

Yes, is the simple answer. PTSD more often than not, is delayed onset as a majority. It compounds with life's stressors and then jumps us when we least expect it.

 

[RussH]

and then jumps us when we least expect it.

I refer to it as a monster learking in the shadows waiting to pounce when you least expect it.

 

[Chava]

I have completely isolated myself and do not speak to anyone in my family about past abuse or the resultant mental issues it may or may not have caused. I do not seek out relationships with people anymore. I am afraid to leave my house. I think I will get fired from a job I have held for 5 years because I’ve become a bit paralyzed and also hate my boss.
I guess my question is, it is possible that PTSD has just started to rear its ugly head for me? I am 34 and the last time I was hit was 21.

This all makes sense to me. I struggled with lots of terrible symptoms in my later teens. I got all of that under control, focused a load on work and then things started to unravel again. Now I can see I was just getting by on some healthier coping skills (overworking versus self-destruction, but I was burning out) and big new stressors seemed to help everything fall apart. It's not an official clinical diagnosis yet, but "complex ptsd" helps me understand my stuff better since most of the trauma happened so long ago (my therapist uses this term to describe my trauma). When I got tired of over-working and over-serving on committees I realized how totally isolated I was all along. So I think I'm back to working on things I simply never really resolved and can hopefully move forward and learn how to make more meaningful connections and live a more authentic life. Hopefully gaining a better understanding of your new diagnosis will help you do that too.

So yes, this can all reappear later, as many others have stated. Quite often, our same patterns just stop working well for us. I'm glad you got a new assessment and it sounds like they got a good intake history and picture of your struggles. So, in a way, a diagnosis like this is much more helpful (I think) than feeling like you're always battling depression for no clear reason or clear path towards feeling more whole. But addressing the depression and anxiety would certainly be part of it. It makes sense in light of what you went through as a kid...that sounds really scary.

Welcome to the forum!