Hi everyone,
i‘m new on here and don’t rlly know what to do or say. Also english isn’t my first language so pls bear with me.
i think i‘ll just kind of share my story for my first post - i hope that’s okay.
I’m 21, I have cptsd and it controls my entire life.
I got diagnosed a few years ago but the trauma happened in my childhood around age 0-16 continuously.
My earliest memories are filled with abuse and terror and i don’t remember huge parts of my childhood and life in general.
It was mostly like emotional and physical abuse i think.
I‘ve been in therapy for years and have cut contact with my father bc of the abuse, but my life still feels like hell every day.
i‘ve been suicidal ever since i was a child and it’s in my head all day every day.
I just feel rlly hopeless and exhausted.
I often see people say they wish they could go back to „before their trauma happened“ or like „back to when things were normal“.
I don’t have a „before the trauma“ and i rlly struggle with that. My „normal“ is trauma, because that’s all it was growing up. I don’t know who i am. All i know is my trauma, because it’s been there my entire life and i grew up being traumatised every single day.
I don’t have any friends so i‘m not used to talking much other than in like a therapy setting. So i thought maybe i could come on here and talk to people who understand or maybe are going through something similar.
:)
i‘m new on here and don’t rlly know what to do or say. Also english isn’t my first language so pls bear with me.
i think i‘ll just kind of share my story for my first post - i hope that’s okay.
I’m 21, I have cptsd and it controls my entire life.
I got diagnosed a few years ago but the trauma happened in my childhood around age 0-16 continuously.
My earliest memories are filled with abuse and terror and i don’t remember huge parts of my childhood and life in general.
It was mostly like emotional and physical abuse i think.
I‘ve been in therapy for years and have cut contact with my father bc of the abuse, but my life still feels like hell every day.
i‘ve been suicidal ever since i was a child and it’s in my head all day every day.
I just feel rlly hopeless and exhausted.
I often see people say they wish they could go back to „before their trauma happened“ or like „back to when things were normal“.
I don’t have a „before the trauma“ and i rlly struggle with that. My „normal“ is trauma, because that’s all it was growing up. I don’t know who i am. All i know is my trauma, because it’s been there my entire life and i grew up being traumatised every single day.
I don’t have any friends so i‘m not used to talking much other than in like a therapy setting. So i thought maybe i could come on here and talk to people who understand or maybe are going through something similar.
:)
