New Here

[Amadicia]

Hello,

I must warn everyone that at this current point and I'm some what pessimistic and probably a downer. I appologize in advance.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in my early teens. I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder and medicated. Lithium is horrible. Then I was on zoloft. I have sampled a few others in my younger years.

I have cptsd now due to a lifetime of multiple trama's.

I have two amazing daughters. One lives with me and the other recently disappeared off the face of the earth with her dad. I an frantically searching for her. They are 12 and 8. They are my entire reason for breathing and giving a sh!t. I have an amazing, caring and sweet partner who has stood by me for the past two years. He must be as nuts as I am to stick around. He deserves so much better. So do my girls. I feel like I'm ruining there lives just being apart of there's.

I used to be professionally employed and great in my field. After the rape a little over 2 years ago I was laid off and can't seem to get back into it. I'm pressing charges and he's looking at 14 years.

I like helping others. It's something I'm good at.

I'm hear looking for others that won't tell me to 'snap out of it' or to 'get over it'. I am hoping to find some compassion.

 

[CraftyCath]

Welcome to the Forum Amadicia,

I, too, have CPTSD. I am genuinely sorry for what you have had to endure. I have 2 Son's aged 18 and 21, I don't know how I would have managed if one went missing. My children are my reason for keeping going too. I really feel for you and I hope you find her soon. Going through the courts must be terrible, I hope he gets what he deserves. There is no need to apologise for your mood, everyone here has bad days, weeks etc. You won't be judged here and no one will tell you to 'get over it.' (I can honestly say I've heard those words and others like it far too often). What you will find here is understanding from people who truly know what it is like to either suffer with PTSD or who support their loved ones.

I'm glad you like helping others: no matter how far along the path we are, we all need help sometimes (even if it is just someone to listen to us).

 

[Amadicia]

Thanks Cath, nice to meet you. I feel very overwhelmed right now. With two court cases and deteriorating mental heath, I am tired and weak. It nice to know that I may have found a place where others can understand and will actually listen. On my up days I'd love to help.

I bet your boys love you with all there hearts and cherish your strength!


I would honestly advise any female to not go through with prosecution after being assaulted. It makes the situations 1000 times worse. I believe that all predators should be thrown away and the key should be lost but the legal system is antiquated and horrible.

 

[CraftyCath]

Feeling the way you do is understandable Amadicia. Have you read the information on PTSD on the forum main page? There is a sister forum for sexual abuse too that I'm sure one of the mods can give you the link to if it isn't on the main page. There are numerous people here with similar stories who I'm sure will post soon.

My boys are the best thing that ever happened to me.

Keep sharing,

Cath

 

[intothelight]

Hi Amadacia,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. My heart broke when I heard about you losing your daughter. I am sorry this happened to you and I hope she is returned safely to you soon.

We all have a tendency to think that our families would somehow fare better if they were not "burdened" with us. But that is really our own heads telling us that, and is not at all what they think. Too bad we can't see ourselves through their eyes as it would be so different from what we see.

There is a sister forum [DLMURL]http://sexabuse.ptsdforum.org/[/DLMURL] that you might find helpful.

Looking forward to hearing from you.
Debbie