Supporter New Here.

[Kaleb Bushue]

Hi, I'm new to this site. I recently started seeing a women with PTSD. She served in Iraq a few years ago. I didn't know she had PTSD until about a month ago. I've done my research on the subject to see if it was even something worth pursuing and it is. Since I have met she has taken giant strides in therapy. She no longer pushes me away as she once did. Things look good for us, most of the time. I'm under no false assumptions I know it'll be a lot of hard work. I don't want to save her, fix her, or rescue her. I just really don't know what to expect now. We've worked through all of our problems and things are going good or at least as good as they can lol.

 

[Phenioxrising]

With therapy, it seems to get worse for awhile.
Just let her know you'll be their for her if she needs you, or someone to talk to.
And highly recommend if she lets you know she needs some space, give her that space, so she has time to work on herself.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

There is a great supporters section here with lots of helpful people. I hope you join in.

Best wishes.

 

[safenow]

Welcome to the forum. Sounds like you are doing the right things. Look around and feel free to ask questions or make comments. Lots of good people here.

 

[Kaleb Bushue]

She did ask for some space. She wants to work on her and I have no problems giving her that space. She said she wants to get better and and needs time to do that. She doesn't want to end things, she just wants a break and to keep talking. I've done loads of research and have never really read anything about this and I'm completely lost. Is this normal? From what I've read usually the relationship goes a whole lot differently. Any help would be much appreciated.

 

[Hashi]

I don't want to save her, fix her, or rescue her.

Sounds like you have a very realistic, healthy approach.

She wants to work on her and I have no problems giving her that space. She said she wants to get better and and needs time to do that.. Is this normal?

I don't know about normal, and I don't know about being a supporter (I'm a sufferer). You might want to post in the Supporters' section for feedback.

I would say that I think this sounds reasonable. If your partner is working on getting better, that sounds really good to me.

Welcome to the forum, and I wish you and your partner all the best.

 

[Kaleb Bushue]

Thanks hashi =) this is just a really different scenario from everything I've read. I wanna hear more from sufferers though. PTSD affects everyone differently and while hers in unique to her having a good sense of what to look for would benefit me a great deal. I'm just trying to help. Knowledge is the best thing to have and with time and experience I'll be better able to help.

 

[Kaleb Bushue]

I also want to make it clear that I'm not here to vent. I choose to stay with her after she told me she had PTSD, I just want to be more informed on it.

 

[Hashi]

I also want to make it clear that I'm not here to vent.. I just want to be more informed on it.

Venting is OK, if you ever want to. It doesn't have to mean any change in your underlying belief in your partner, or support for her.

I was already single when I first got PTSD symptoms, but if I'd been in a romantic relationship I'm sure there would have been many times when I'd have wanted time on my own to work on things. I've cut back on friendships, and my contact with even my best friend is much reduced (she understands, which I'm very grateful for).

My personal experience is that at the moment I work on this almost all the time (apart from things like work, which it also affects). And at the moment I'm in a bit of a different world from the other people in my life. For me, great strides in therapy means I just don't have the energy or mental space for much else, or - I'm afraid - anyone else. Hmmmm, not sure how that makes me sound - I do try to be decent to people! I just can't be there for them like I hope to be in the future, when I've done more healing. But great strides in therapy needs to be my priority right now, so that I heal and in time I can become more involved with life generally and with other people.

I'm sure that as you post on this site you'll find others, supporters and sufferers, who can share about relationships from their own experience. I hope being here will help you.

 

[Kaleb Bushue]

She's been going to therapy for three years now. It gets hard and she quits until she's ready to try again. I understand that.

I'm the longest relationship she's had in those three years and we haven't been seeing each other that long. When we first met she was a wreck. She drank all of the time, wouldn't sleep for days, and really tried her hardest to push me away.

Since she sorta figured out I don't care about the PTSD she's been doing a lot better. She opens up more, she doesn't drink, but she is still learning to cope. I agree with you though as much as it pains me to say that. I want more with her but she's just not ready to do that yet. So talking and occasionally seeing her is the best she can do I'm fine with that. Just let it run it's course and see where it goes.

We have our boundaries and I don't see why I shouldn't continue pursuing her. She hasn't done anything to make me question if still want this. So I don't know, just weird place lol.

I appreciate you helping me out, you've been a huge help. I understand this is a life long struggle just want to show her everything's ok.

 

[myvetswife]

She doesn't want to end things, she just wants a break and to keep talking. I've done loads of research and have never really read anything about this and I'm completely lost. Is this normal?

Having a break, going to a save lonely place sound familiar. My husband (veteran) still does that. It's good she can talk about that, she can actually tell you she needs it.
Ex Military people act different to people who weren't in the army be aware of that. There is a sister site only for army vets http:// maybe she wants to sign up there they will support her. Only veterans allowed so she is "safe" there, they know what she is on about.

 

[Kaleb Bushue]

I'm kind of the only support she can manage right now. I'm the only person she talks to everyday. I don't want to push her into anything because I don't know what she's going through in her head. She didn't really say break just that she didn't know if she would be ready to see me for a couple of weeks or months. Which she's done before. I had problems with it at first I'll admit it, but she needs her space and after seeing me she becomes really withdrawn and it takes me a couple of days to bring her back.