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[a. nona]

Near crisis, I guess I'm a survivor. I was raped when I was about 5years old by my adoptive mothers boyfriend. I am having nightmares about this that seem all too real.

I am having a very difficult time dealing with this and I'm not getting much sleep at all. I don't have any friends and recently broke up with my girlfriend. I have sought out professional help but I keep getting turned away. The weight I'm carrying seems unbearable; all this guilt and shame.

 

[WonderingWhy]

.i have sought out professional help but i keep getting turned away.

This is more than you should bare on your own.

Have you told your mother about what happened? Is she supportive? I am uncertain why you would be "turned away by professionals "? If you can explain that a bit more possibly myself or another member may have a suggestion to help.

Please realize though it's very common to feel ashamed or guilty over things like this, you must keep reminding yourself that you did nothing wrong and have NOTHING to feel guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed about!
HE however should be!

I wish you the best and hope this forum can help comfort you while healing from your trauma.

Welcome and glad you found this forum.

 

[a. nona]

This happened when I was close to my fifth birthday my adoptive mother I believe knew it but never did anything. She was quite abusive to me both mentally and physically.

I am now 42 and I never told anyone until I was 20 years old. I have been hospitalized and in crisis units and people there that I trusted and told didn't believe what I told them. I was in very suicidal state so I called a crisis hotline and the counsellor on the phone told me that he didn't believe me then hung up. Another time I had called a crisis hotline then they called the sheriff the sheriff then threatened to arrest me because I guess he thought I wasn't serious.

Recently I went to a depression support group. No one there, even the leader of the group said nothing to me. It was like I wasn't even there. So I've been trying to get into individual therapy but numerous times when I've called they've disconnected me or said they couldn't help me.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi and Welcome!

I believe you, for what its worth :hug:

Regards
Lucy x

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello, a nona :wave:

:peekaboo: Welcome to the forum. You will not be judged or disbelieved here. You have nothing to be ashamed or guilty about, but I think most people here will understand those sentiments.

Keep talking - you will get advice and support here. :)

 

[a. nona]

Hi and Welcome!

I believe you, for what its worth :hug:

Regards
Lucy x

Thank you it means very very much to me. Forgive me if this sounds strange but I'm not sure how to say it. I have the scars from the rape but i was never seen by a medical doctor. I was close to 5 when it happened. Please forgive me again I'm I never told anyone this and i need to.
This may be a trigger and I don't want to upset anyone.


I am trusting you which is very difficult for me. This may sound disgusting but i remember I was bleeding and it was running down the back of my legs.I tried to fight back but he was on top and had his forearm putting pressure on neck.He punched me a couple of times and after that I don't remember much.
when I was 25 I was in a crisis unit and told someone there about the rape they didn't believe me. I was telling the truth and they thought that I was making it up.It hurt me so bad .
I'm sorry but I have all this pain inside and I'm not sure if this is too much information.
Your words mean so much to me.

 

[a. nona]

Hello, a nona :wave:

:peekaboo: Welcome to the forum. You will not be judged or disbelieved here. You have nothing to be ashamed or guilty about, but I think most people here will understand those sentiments.

Keep talking - you will get advice and support here. :)

Thank you for the welcome. I am just learning to reach out. i have not had much support and it's very difficult to trust.But I need to trust someone.I also want to thank you greatly for the use of this site.
I've been having a hard time and the people who have replied to me have helped greatly.
I just don't want to hurt anyone else or upset them with what i share.
Thank you again.

 

[WonderingWhy]

ANona,

Please don't worry about upsetting anyone. We all have the ability and freedom to stop reading if something is upsetting for us.

Getting this stuff out is what helps to validate what we have experienced.

 

[Nyx]

It seems inhumane to turn down someone who needs help, I really don't understand why they would do that... Did they give you reasonable explanations when they turned you down? Did you ask for detailed explanation? It's your right to know why they think they can't help you...

I am simply shocked at the idea that people who train especially to help people who are in crisis would turn down especially a person in crisis. Maybe there's misscomunication somewhere along the line..?

Anyway, just wanted to welcome you and tell you I feel for you greatly and I hope you find comfort soon :hug:

 

[a. nona]

I don't understand it either. But It happens and I've seen it happen to others. It's hard to explain but I was In a state hospital and one of the staff there had to restrain me. So he put in a choke hold.Threatened to break my neck.straining to speak I told him to go ahead. I think it's because some people lack understanding and others become burned out. Yes I am not very good with trusting people so I don't communicate very well. But there have been times where I honestly tried to reach out and was simply turned away.
I have been seeing a medical doctor for my back and knee.So when I went to see her this last time I broke down and told her of my past abuse.She is helping me with getting into see a therapist sooner. I don't know how it's going to turn out,but it gives me hope. I hope it doesn't fall through. Thank you very much the welcome.Your words mean a lot to me.

 

[jock bubbleskin]

Hello a. nona,
Thank you very much for being here and sharing your words. I am building up to writing about myself, your courage inspires me to begin.