Hey everyone
Been looking over the internet a couple months and came across this website. I'm a 26 year old male from Belgium and I'm wondering if I might have ptsd. My mother killed herself when I was 12 years old. My brothers and father just went on and so did I. I hated going to the funeral. I hated talking about it in school. The only feeling I had was shame. Whenever the subject suicide came up I started sweating, red face,... So embarrassing. People asked me why I didn't cry. Well...I just couldn't and didn't wanna talk about it. My cat that died two years earlier moved me more than my mothers death did. After she died we all started living on ourselves. There was no longer an emotional bond between me and my brothers/father. I rather didn't have their company around me. It made me nervous. Couple of years later I discovered alcohol and was drunk every weekend. Time passed by and was able to finish my education successfully. I quit drinking cause it was getting problematic. Around 22 Depression kicked in and never left. I started seeing therapists to figure out what was wrong. Eventually I thought it was caused by stress from school and the alcohol. Four years later and things only got worse. I have these episodes of turning completely into myself and all I wanna do then is lie down and sleep. I tend to isolate myself from everyone nowadays. My mind is always in a fog and concentrating is so difficult. I'm emotionally totally numb. Could these things be caused by the fact my mother died traumatised me? I read there should be flashbacks when you have ptsd. I never had flashbacks about it. In the period she died I hardly ever thought about her or visited her grave. Thanks for reading.
Been looking over the internet a couple months and came across this website. I'm a 26 year old male from Belgium and I'm wondering if I might have ptsd. My mother killed herself when I was 12 years old. My brothers and father just went on and so did I. I hated going to the funeral. I hated talking about it in school. The only feeling I had was shame. Whenever the subject suicide came up I started sweating, red face,... So embarrassing. People asked me why I didn't cry. Well...I just couldn't and didn't wanna talk about it. My cat that died two years earlier moved me more than my mothers death did. After she died we all started living on ourselves. There was no longer an emotional bond between me and my brothers/father. I rather didn't have their company around me. It made me nervous. Couple of years later I discovered alcohol and was drunk every weekend. Time passed by and was able to finish my education successfully. I quit drinking cause it was getting problematic. Around 22 Depression kicked in and never left. I started seeing therapists to figure out what was wrong. Eventually I thought it was caused by stress from school and the alcohol. Four years later and things only got worse. I have these episodes of turning completely into myself and all I wanna do then is lie down and sleep. I tend to isolate myself from everyone nowadays. My mind is always in a fog and concentrating is so difficult. I'm emotionally totally numb. Could these things be caused by the fact my mother died traumatised me? I read there should be flashbacks when you have ptsd. I never had flashbacks about it. In the period she died I hardly ever thought about her or visited her grave. Thanks for reading.
