Ok, thanks.
Tears already flowing down my face as the 1st key strokes start...
Trust me, you never know what's round the corner. I woke up on my daughters 7th birthday and collapsed and had a breakdown! Here's why!
I was a very happy child until I was 6. My Mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and we all thought she was going to die. I never really took much notice, or could even imagine that happening. It didn't seem real that my Mum was going to leave us!
She fought hard and got lucky too! Whilst she recovered, I went to a religious boarding school and unfortunately went from living with 2 loving parents, to living with the devil himself!
My Mum took his hands are begged him to take care of me, telling him she may still die! At 6 years 50 weeks old, I went into his care for 36 terrifying weeks a year for between 6 and 7 years. Thankfully, It was all over when I was 13!
First he did his work grooming my family! Whilst turning me against my family! He destroyed our trust!
I used to talk to my Mum on the phone and she never once hung up on me 1st. She cried, I cried.. I never wanted the calls to end and got dragged of the phone by the headmaster 'the devil'.
He started saying to me, come in to the office and talk so the other boys won't see you cry, or else you will get bullied if they see you've been crying..! Ended up where I was in his flat or office every time I spoke to my parents! Soon after he started to cuddle me in to him and rub himself against me. Disgusting and he left me confused about what was digging into me. He used to play a game where I asked what was in his pocket, He's sit down for a minute, then stand up, then empty ut his pockets, making me think it was magic!
I never realised what was happening at the time as I was 7. I was just waist height, with Tom and Jerry pj's and my seal teddy bear! Just a little kid.
Oh No! I never thought and still can't believe a human being could do these following things to any child!
He a very educated and used hypnosis and chemicals to blank our minds! I remember walking round fine many times, then next thing, waking up and having severe agony in my bottom and insides. This happened many times and I'd keel over in pain and wonder what the hell just happened to me! I woke up one time with him raping me! He knocked me out again and finished! I walked back to the dormitory, drugged out of my mind, falling against the walls. I though I was bleeding from my bottom and was confused as to what it was as it wasn't red like blood!
That man made me go under the desk for over an hour at a time and put his penis in my mouth. He then lifted his knees until the point where my skull started to crack and would say if somebody comes in and you make a noise I'm going to do that even harder and you'll die! I froze with fear!
He used to carry me out of my bed in the night, whilst the other boys were asleep, put a handkerchief over my face then the next thing I'd know it was morning and I was back in my bed.
He broke my mind through torture and hypnosis! He wiped our mind clean everyday few days, 'like he was topping up a pay as you mobile phone'
I used to have to lay down on my back on my own arms and spread my legs, He'd take of his leather slipper and hit my right testicle every 30 seconds or so until I begged for death! He would pretend to hit me over an over again, then when I would relax he would hit me again! My testicle would be rock hard swollen and my ball bag left red and purple with bruising! It hurts whilst I type this, just thinking about it!
30 years later and I've had to stop having sex half way through because of body memories and agonising pain in my right testicle!
My body adapted to rape and torture and in the end I was so addicted to pain, that in the holidays when I wasn't at school I missed the abuse and torture, I would get in the bath and stab myself with screwdrivers and crow bars in my bottom, until blood poured out! I would then cry and shake with fear until I stopped bleeding!
He would peer at me in the shower and play with himself, telling me to wash my legs over and over, until I screamed thinking I had a brain tumor, as I couldn't see the mud he was telling me to wash off.
My family and I hardly speak! He destroyed all our lives! My Mum is broken, so is my Dad and so am I!
He made us massage me shoulders and thighs!
He used to make me get my penis out and tell me to jerk off in front of him, as I have committed sins of ownism! (religious ritual abuse) Problem there being I wasn't even old enough to get an erection, so he beat me even worse!
I was made into a prefect and had 3 younger boys in my dormitory! 2 I've spoken 2 and were Not abused (or remember being abused I should say). The other was as I saw him in the headmasters flat. I've been searching for him since and cannot find him! I walked past the headmasters door and it wasn't shut properly, so I opened it slowly and this lad was stood in front of the headmaster crying, just wearing his boxer shorts!
At night I still hear him cry! After the light went out he became scared. The boogey monster was real in our school!
He would cry and shout ''I want to go home!'' ''I want to go home!'' ''I want to go home!'' ''I want to go home!'' ''I want to go home!'' ''I want to go home!''
I used to tell him it was going to be ok. I stayed awake every night until he went to sleep! I would lay on my back, look up at the ceiling and tears would pour down my face! I'd cry silently so the other boys wouldn't know. I didn't want to show weakness and increase their fear. I did my best for that boy! When he fell asleep, I would turn my soaking wet pillow over and sleep on the dry side!
I could write all night about 6 years of rape and torture, I've had enough though!
My daughters 7th birthday, I woke up at 07:00, by 07:05 I had starting having flashbacks and realised how young I was! I collapsed down the side of the toilet and my wife though I'd had a stroke or something! 3 days of being awake with constant flashbacks.
I'd gone over 20 years with it buried so deep that it didn't even cross my mind once!
If you suspect somebody is abused, if they say no, that does Not necessarily mean No!
The trauma hides it well! So well that the victim may Not even know!
So where am I now, 37 years old! Married 3 kids. I've got my own flat though as I like the silence and a quiet place to go after therapy.
I've got a nice Honda s2000, a VW Campervan and a low mortgage on a house with lots of equity.
Why can't I be happy?
Why do I upset everybody?
I'm getting tired!
I went to the police about this peado! So did another boy, plus they had evidence of more boys, but didn't even charge him! The former headmaster admitted to indecent behaviour! YET he is a private tutor in Yorkshire in the UK.
Can you believe that sh*t? Are they for real?
He is working with children in a one to situation, often with parents so busy they wouldn't notice his vial abuse!
This day and age the UK Government should be ashamed of themselves! If he abuses anybody from now or if 1 more victim goes forward, the police said they will nail him!
That's hard to live with! I've given the police the name of this boy that cried himself to sleep! They haven't even bothered to find him!
That's leaves me with a sour feeling in my mouth! Leaves me very angry and unwell!
