Relationship New Relationship With A Man With Ptsd

[sthrngirl]

So I am dating a guy with PTSD. It's confusing and I am trying my best to deal with it (I don't mean that to sound selfish, I know it is difficult to have it) I myself suffer with anxiety and depression and am on meds and counseling for it, so I can somewhat relate or I at least try. He refuses meds or help.

For the past month he has been great.. then all of a sudden he does not want to talk and will be so short and rude! I feel that I am making excuses for him while he is "going thru a phase" of the mood swings and what not. I am not very educated on the illness but I try my best to be there and it's almost as if he is not letting me in. If you can't open up, why be in a relationship? I try to get him to talk to me and he just gets mad and does not want to be bothered. I also hope that this is not some excuse to "break" up with me. We're adults, I expect honesty just as much as I give it. I also don't want to annoy and continue to ask "whats wrong, what did i do, are you okay?" So do I just give him his space? As much as I hate not talking or seeing him for a few days, I am will to do what I have to to make him happy. Yeah it is not fair to me to "deal", but you can't help how someone is or how their past has affected them, you can only be there when they need you and I feel that I am doing that to the best of my ability. I just want some advice from others-- people close to me tell me to end it and that he is just an ass etc etc, but I know he is better than this. Thank you in advance!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm a sufferer.

Seeing as how he is untreated and won't get help, I think you should ask yourself the question can you accept him just as he is from here on out? There is no effort to heal, so I don't think you should have an expectation that things will get better.

You can't make him happy. Only he can make himself happy. There is nothing you can do to fix him. You can support him, but he has to do all the work.

You question why he is in a relationship. I think this should be an indicator to you that perhaps he isn't ready for a relationship.

I wish you the best.

 

[sthrngirl]

I am willing to accept him the way he is. I knew he had issues before we got into the relationship.

Just in theory, when someone from the outside is looking at another relationship, you would think they talk everyday, etc. For someone to tell me they don't want to be bothered and not speak to me for two days, confuses me to the point to where I do not know where we stand and I want to ask but I haven't because I don't want to bother him because of the fact that he has said he does not want to be bothered.

I don't want to change him and you can't change a person. I changed myself over the past few years and that was near damn miserable, but I know a person can change if they take the right steps to do so.

I guess I mainly just want to know if people have been thru this situation with someone they're with not wanting to talk to them for a few days without knowing why. Do people with PTSD have crazy mood swings where they shut the world out for days? Weeks? I just am not familiar with it.

 

[dms]

Do people with PTSD have crazy mood swings where they shut the world out for days? Weeks?

YES!!

 

[dms]

Welcome to the forum Sthrngirl.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Do people with PTSD have crazy mood swings where they shut the world out for days? Weeks?

YES!!

Double YES!!

When they are isolating and needing alone time all you can do is give them their space. Any attempts at communication with them just causes irritation. It sucks, but you just have to leave them be.

Longer disappearing acts are the worst. Those are the relationship breakers. If the sufferer just up and disappears for long periods of time, and doesn't contact his supporter to at least let them know they are alive, it is gut-wrenching. I personally do not tolerate that from my vet. He did it once for a week, and afterwards we had to compromise. He had to at least send me a text letting me know he was OK every so often, and I agreed not to respond until he was ready to talk.

 

[Iamhere]

"When they are isolating and needing alone time all you can do is give them their space. Any attempts at communication with them just causes irritation. It sucks, but you just have to leave them be. "

How do you deal with it? I am also having almost the exact same issue. I haven't heard from him since Saturday night and I'm going crazy. I can honestly say I've called him twice and sent 2 loving text messages. I want to call 100,000,000 times hoping I irritate him to the point where he will reply, but I know that's definitely not the best idea. So how do I cope? How do I not take it personal?

 

[sthrngirl]

Well I have left him alone after he said he just wanted to be left alone. I do agree he needs to at least let me know he is okay, to give me SOME peace of mind; I deserve at least that.

At night sometimes I contemplate sending him a text just letting him know I'm thinking about him and that I hope he is okay, goodnight, something of the sorts.. but then I'm afraid to do that because I don't want to push him away or irritate him more.

Me staying while he does this just shows me how much I really do care and feel for him, another scary thing all in itself. I just wish I knew why he is acting this way or what may of triggered him to want to be alone.

Also, I have anxiety and depression and am medicated. I am the opposite and usually never want to be alone. So its a struggle for me, but it is something I'm learning to deal with (being independent).

 

[dms]

Sthrngirl, I have the same issues! Your isolated friend is going to drive you to drink or into a deeper depression if you make him the main focus in your life. PTSD can be very selfish, Seriously, I suggest you get back into therapy and fix your issues first! You can't save him! I've been there, done that.

 

[sthrngirl]

I agree with you. I just hoped I could accept his disability because I know what it is like to have one. It is hard to separate mine from his.

 

[dms]

I know. I did the same thing for the same reason. Keep posting!

 

[sthrngirl]

So would you recommend just giving him space and wait until he contacts me first? I felt that I have tried my part in being there for him to talk to or open up if he needed to, but he was just very short and had nothing to say. It angered me. I feel there has to be a point where I contact him and be like OKay... what in the heck is going on? I don't want to press any buttons with him and flare the temper.