Supporter New To Forum And Desperate For Support

[victoria grathwohl]

Background - My fiance is my first love - he and I fell in love at 14. He had to break my heart because of the most abusive monster of a stepfather (who he thought was his real Dad and was lied to until he was 19). He never stopped thinking of me and on and off has looked for me for 33 years.

In EMDR sessions through VVSD in San Diego he was able to find me and send me letters to tell me what happened and how much he has thought about me and always wanted me in his life. He didnt want to destroy my life but I was single and when we began reconnecting on phone (5 hr first phone call) I knew I was home.

He was in the Coast Guard but his PTSD stems from a horrific childhood beginning at the age of 4. We are trying to put our lives together (we get married in two weeks) and things come into our lives that send it spinning out of control.

Recently things trigerred his abuse and he went into reliving and almost passing out from the abuse he was reliving. This sent him into seeking a "numbness" that spiraled out of control.

Drinking for him before (had been awhile since he went on a binge) was hard alcohol until he passed out. Now it has been beer and was continuous for 4 days. He agreed to allow me to take hime to the VA for detox tomorrow. I am alone and know I cannot share with his family or even friends as they dont understand.

People think you "can get over it" with severe PTSD but you dont. Its with you constantly. I see that. And it breaks your loved ones heart. You want to help and heal but you cant.

He goes to counseling and we go to counseling together. He does not want to hurt me and is horrified I have seen this relapse. I just pray he can get through this and we can enjoy our wedding.

I am looking for anything I can about PTSD to learn everything I can. It is so true that very very few understand this issue and its ongoing symptoms and how it affects many...I am learning how to support but take care of myself so I can be the partner he needs.

Thanks for reading this and any additional insight you can give...

 

[BigBear]

It sounds like you've made a great start. I'll swing it around however. Asking for help tends to generate hugs and things like that. To really get help I find it better to ask specific questions. The more specific, the better. I also find it even better to ask it where the topic is already being discussed. Use the search to find discussions on your topic. Read through the relevant material in the thread. Then ask away.

We are glad that you are here, Victoria!

Bear

 

[Tanishq]

Welcome to this forum Victoria and I am sure you will get help from here. :)

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Victoria and welcome to the forum.

You are right that it is a hard disorder to deal with, both as a sufferer and a supporter.

Have you read about the anxiety cup? I am wondering of the increased anxiety due to your forthcoming wedding has helped trigger this relapse. But that does not mean it should put you off. As you have said yourself this is a relapse. It will pass. He will get better again. For both of you, after the wedding your anxiety levels will reduce.

I am pleased that you want to find out all you can. It will help you through the hard times. But please remember that he has been well for a long time too - and you can look forward to good times together.

Kind regards
Lucy x

 

[BigBear]

I am wondering of the increased anxiety due to your forthcoming wedding has helped trigger this relapse.

Thinking of this, SeekingSerenity just went through this. Their marriage was a couple of months ago and they are doing great. You ought to look him up and get some of him secrets...

Bear

 

[KKiKKi]

Hi Victoria! I am new as well, and am also on the hunt for copious amounts of information to make things easier for my bf. We will have a hard road, undoubtedly we just need to keep focused on understanding what our loved one is enduring. I want to believe that love conquers all, and with gained knowledge from the experiences of other folks on the forum, our battle will be easier than theirs. Good luck!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Welcome!

 

[havingfaithinthedark]

Welcome I too am going through this Mu husband turned to drinking for numbness. And it got out of control. i would like to think we are on the right path now with him being sober for a week now going to AA and he will be seeing a new person to talk to. I really don't think the last person was right for him as she told him just this last time I can't help you and you need to go to someone who knows more about what you are going through. I am thinking he wasn't very honest with all his problems or at the time didn't see them just yet.


I wish the best of luck for you! You can do it. Take one day at a time.

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[victoria grathwohl]

To really get help I find it better to ask specific questions. The more specific, the better. I also find it even better to ask it where the topic is already being discussed. Use the search to find discussions on your topic. Read through the relevant material in the thread. Then ask away.

Thank you so much for your info.

Things are good and we go one day at a time and he isn't happy about the crowds and drama attached to the wedding but is so happy we are joining together.

This forum is very comforting, while I read tons of books it helps to know people are on the other side who "get it". I will search to find discussions on related info. Thanks!

 

[Whitneys story]

Hi and Welcome to the Forum.