New To Here.

[Faye_Valentine]

I'm finding that to be true for me as well. My kids are actually more helpful to me during a panic attack than my husband. Actually, he has a tendency to trigger panic attacks. I hope not on person but it wouldn't surprise me.

One of the therapists I saw in the past gave me a very handy information sheet about how to manage my panic attacks that has been extremely helpful. I will see if I can find it & post it to you. For me the first step was learning to identify the onset of the panic attack before it progresses to a seemingly unmanageable level.

Well, I know what triggers my panic attacks for the most part, though sometimes they seem very random. Mostly, as of late.

I also am starting to wonder if i have Aspergers. And maybe that's triggering the panic attacks.

Recently, I found out that 3 of my siblings have it and I have done some research and I fit it to a "T". I have so many problems with my emotions, I have a hard time paying attention, I have outbursts form time to time and usually they're because there are loud noises going on or a lot of people around. I can't handle loud noises and bright lights, which is pretty typical of the condition from what I read. I mean, I dunno.. it's possible I don't, but I'm thinking it seems likely as it apparently runs in the family.

Really, I just need to get in to a therapist and a psychiatrist and figure it all out. I'm just afraid of having meds pushed on me again. I just can't handle being in that state of mind again. ( I was over-medicated before I tried to commit suicide. )

Anyway, please do post what you can about it. I'm sure we can all learn from it. ^_^

 

[AmyO]

Welcome Faye,

I feel for you, sweetie. I know how hard it can get sometimes when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You have the nature of a caregiver to all around you and with the Ptsd a lot of time even thought they are good friends they don't truly understand the depths of what you are going through. Like Linda said we tend to be too much for others...they don't or can't handle it.

It takes a special friend to be there no matter what, and even those will shy away when they get depressed. You are fighting the HUGE fight and you seem determined to win, that shows your strength. You will find all kind of untapped resources of it when it comes down to it.

Even if not a friend, do you have an advocate or a therapist that can find you a neutral pick up spot? Even if you get county involved, they can arrange for a spot that he will drop off and pick her up and vice versa that you wouldn't even have to see him.

I wish you the best, and have the greatest respect that you even faced him at all for her. That took the greatest amount of courage. You are more special than you may realize.

 

[Dee Morris]

I have outbursts form time to time and usually they're because there are loud noises going on or a lot of people around.

Loud noises & crowds of people is a trigger for me as well. It's like a sensory overload. I hear it's a very common PTSD trigger.

I'm just afraid of having meds pushed on me again. I just can't handle being in that state of mind again. ( I was over-medicated before I tried to commit suicide. )

Meds can be helpful. I have found the right combo for me right now but I have had issues with other psychiatrists having difficulty helping me find the right fit. The suicide attempt is definitely a 1st visit mention along with the meds you were taking at that time that you feel contributed.

 

[Faye_Valentine]

Hello Amy,

I would love to have the state do that or a friend or someone else, but my daughter's dad isn't going to cooperate with that. His whole intentions are soley based upon ruining my life and getting revenge on me for something he thinks I did but never happened. He has serious mental health issues as well, but chooses to blame everyone else for them and refuses to admit that he even has problems. He has custody of her, technically, so I have to get his approval for everything. I've tried before to have other people pick her up and it just makes him more mad and makes it so he makes my life worse.

But, I'm done with him controlling my life. I sent him a piece of my mind. I'd like to post it here, what I sent, but there IS some swearing in it. IF anyone cares to see it, I'll gladly send it their way. But yeah, I'm done with him controlling everything. I'm done with his BS. I'm not going to play his games anymore, and while I know in some ways my daughter is going to suffer for this, I don't really have a choice. I'm at my wits end with him and I CAN NOT take any more stress right now. I'm not going to be any good to her or anyone else if I lose it. I didn't think I was going to come back from my last mental breakdown. :/

About the meds, I dunno. I'd like to consider my options and start out small and everything. I just have to wait a bit. I'm unemployed because I had a really bad panic attack at work and quit, and I don't have insurance, either. Don't get me wrong, though.. I plan on seeking out help and I'll take any steps necessary to get on the right path. :)

Thanks for your kind words and welcomes, though. I'm actually not so depressed today, but the anxiety seems to never stop. Hopefully, I can find some peace and relaxation time soon. :)

 

[BigBear]

Meds can be helpful. I have found the right combo for me right now but I have had issues with other psychiatrists having difficulty helping me find the right fit.

My wife has found that for some reason her system doubles or triples the output of just about every med known to man. She has taken half a kids med and gotten full adult effect out of it. It does vary. But she also has trouble convincing the prescribers of that.

Bear

 

[BigBear]

...my husband. Actually, he has a tendency to trigger panic attacks. I hope not on purpose but it wouldn't surprise me.

Sorry about rearranging your quote...

I have a terrible admission to make. Before I understood, I did trigger my wife (I'm not sure it was intentionally, but I sure wasn't protecting her like I should). What she was doing didn't seem reasonable to me. But I didn't understand how hard her life had been. The more I learn about her situation, the more I wonder how she survived it all. 14 years later, I'm still learning and the learning will probably never be complete!

So what I'm saying here is (at least for me) I could not deal appropriately until I had sufficient knowledge. I based my responses on a world that didn't even exist for her. I guess the other thing to wonder is how she survived me... So, If you have a carer, there has to become a way of sharing the whole pain with them, or they can never do their part fully.

But that means that you've got to be really darned careful who your carer is...

Bear

 

[Dee Morris]

I couldn't agree more BigBear. Which is why I'm finding a divorce necessary to move on from my marriage. I don't trust him to have integrity in his knowledge of my pain & not use it in a self serving manner. I've tried for 16 yrs & I can't be with someone that I'm afraid of. He doesn't seem to understand how he can't change anything about himself that would make it better because it's not about him. I never learned how to develop relationships properly so now I'm 41 yrs old with absolutely nothing to offer a romantic relationship because I don't trust anyone enough to have a healthy relationship with them.

 

[Amy Jo]

Dear Mikaela,
What a terrible time for you, past and present. I'm sorry you're hurting so bad. Can you have a third party intervene? Have someone else pick up your child to avoid that nasty situation? To use your anxiety against you...wow how damaging, glad you're not with him anymore. Do you have a doc/therapist helping you with the meds and emotions? I've got PTSD (well obviously) and bipolar as well, and that is a roller coaster ride of emotions--ALL THE TIME. I hope we can talk more, we're here for you

 

[Kintsugi]

have so many problems with my emotions, I have a hard time paying attention, I have outbursts form time to time and usually they're because there are loud noises going on or a lot of people around. I can't handle loud noises and bright lights, which is pretty typical of the condition from what I read. I mean, I dunno.. it's possible I don't, but I'm thinking it seems likely as it apparently runs in the family.

I'm not a specialist, but asperger's is a form of autism, and even in the mildest forms I've seen, the autistic qualities are pretty apparent. Looking at it from a spectrum, we all fall somewhere, and Asperger's is sort of the bridge between the qualities of and a condition. I have a lot of Asperger's qualities, like excelling wildly in pattern-based skills and memorization, but I don't think I qualify because of other factors, like social/communication skills (though I know someone very eloquent and charismatic who has Asperger's, and honestly I would recommend contacting him for resources if you want some thorough and friendly advice (look up Autism Self-Advocacy Network), but admittedly he still comes through as sort of 'off.'

I do have problems with bright lights, loud noises, particularly collective noises, and definitely emotions and outbursts mostly due to being in these conditions. I always assumed it was just another part of PTSD. I'm not saying that you don't have Asperger's, just that I experience some of what you're describing and sharing my experience.

 

[Faye_Valentine]

Thanks, Amy Jo. I'll do my best.

MissAntiSunshine, I'd have to say your name is rather ironic. You bring brightness to my day, anyway.
I know it's not likely, but I've been on most every medication and they don't seem to work for me. I dunno. I'm just saying it's another thing I'd like to ask about whenever I can go back to therapy. :)

 

[OKRADLAK]

Hi Faye....welcome to the board.

I also did terrible on meds. Please try to love your child in spite of the jerk! There are children in my life who I sometimes see and I try to always let them know how awesome they are. Your little daughter will love you forever.

I know it must be SO hard to have PTSD and a daughter. I just want to let you know that I read your post and hope that you can always keep that precious link with her!!:)

 

[Faye_Valentine]

Thanks. I haven't seen her in since Monday, but I think I'm going to see if her dad will let me see her Sunday. I just wish he could be sociable or relatively nice about things.