Hi there,
Wish I'd found this sooner.
I am in a relationship with a lovely human being. A person who has been through more trauma in life than I think any one person could handle and still be here. They have only once got some counselling, and that was when they were younger. It eventuated as one of the single most traumatic events in their life. A stranger came along and destroyed everything, and it took a long time for my partner to recover. The saving grace being her baby.
I've known my partner for a few years, and knew of previous relationships during my time knowing them, that were less than healthy.
Our impression of one another was not positive, then we managed to get to know each other, and realised we clicked as two people who genuinely enjoy being around each other.
Though with two strong personalities, stubbornness could be said of both of us initially.
Though I am a person with poorly defined boundaries, with what I'm am now recognising as co-dependant tendencies. As I've grown up with a parent who has needed me as a primary support for their own PTSD and depression.
So I am now recognising that I need to resolve some of my own struggles, as I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be with a partner who I see as showing obvious signs of a person who is not dealing with PTSD and any other mental health things is a healthy manner. They have a negative view towards the concept of mental health.
As people who have hurt, who should have protected, were people who now use their mental health at the time as a justification of their behaviour. So negating personal responsibility of the impact it had on my partner.
I feel I only know a fraction of the triggers of my partners. I feel that the boundaries my partner has set in place make resolution impossible.
We are going to take a break from each other, as I have said I need to get counselling, for my own things.
Though at the persistence of my partner in getting information from me, I said I felt our relationship has at times been emotionally abusive.
Which it has. I have not blamed her, I have stated I don't think any negative behaviours have been intentional.
I have tried to convey a message of personal responsibility of my own actions that have not been positive behaviours.
I feel I've hit a trigger, as my partner is unreceptive to the idea that our relationship has been abusive, as this is the best one she has ever had, the healthiest.
I start to doubt my own feelings at this revelation, especially knowing it has hurt so much to hear it, but my closest friends have seen me become a lot less confident in myself since the relationship started, and that I've become far to compromising.
I stopped talking to one of my friends, as that person to her, is someone that makes her feel unsafe.
There is no rational justification given. I stopped talking to that person because it was a trigger, my friend understood, though tried to tell me I have a right to go to him in confidence.
The only thing I know of in that situation is that my partner tried to get my friend fired from his position in his job. So I can only think that her reaction of thinking my friend is unsafe, is due to her thinking that he will seek to do similar.
Funnily enough his partner just contacted her with a job opportunity to pursue a project that is very dear to her.
I know my friend, I actually have a personal relationship with him, I know he has no interest in dragging people down. Though people have in the years I've known him treated him unjustly for all the work he's done. Yet he never lets it get to him. So in many ways he has been a mentor to me.
I trust the picture I make of my friend, as do numerous other people in our community is not of a person seeking to harm. In fact quite the opposite.
My partner is an amazing human being when not plagued by those dogged thoughts.
The job opportunity is ironically in the mental health sector, but working on youth homelessness. That is where her passion is, and she is incredible with that level of caring.
The most amazing mother.
Someone who has helped me through a lot of body issues. As I am trans-gendered (female-to-male). Though every single human being has body issues, so I don't mean to sound dismissive.
I feel like I'm just stuffing things up all the time, I feel that I'm with someone who has set up so many boundaries in order to not work on themselves. Yet they have the most honourable ambitions of helping others, but others who will have gone through things very similar to my partner.
I feel at a loss.
I'm confused.
I wish I could explain more, but I have boundaries to respect. I get that my relationship might end, which is hard.
Any feedback would be nice.
Thanks
Really wish I'd found this sooner.
Wish I'd found this sooner.
I am in a relationship with a lovely human being. A person who has been through more trauma in life than I think any one person could handle and still be here. They have only once got some counselling, and that was when they were younger. It eventuated as one of the single most traumatic events in their life. A stranger came along and destroyed everything, and it took a long time for my partner to recover. The saving grace being her baby.
I've known my partner for a few years, and knew of previous relationships during my time knowing them, that were less than healthy.
Our impression of one another was not positive, then we managed to get to know each other, and realised we clicked as two people who genuinely enjoy being around each other.
Though with two strong personalities, stubbornness could be said of both of us initially.
Though I am a person with poorly defined boundaries, with what I'm am now recognising as co-dependant tendencies. As I've grown up with a parent who has needed me as a primary support for their own PTSD and depression.
So I am now recognising that I need to resolve some of my own struggles, as I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be with a partner who I see as showing obvious signs of a person who is not dealing with PTSD and any other mental health things is a healthy manner. They have a negative view towards the concept of mental health.
As people who have hurt, who should have protected, were people who now use their mental health at the time as a justification of their behaviour. So negating personal responsibility of the impact it had on my partner.
I feel I only know a fraction of the triggers of my partners. I feel that the boundaries my partner has set in place make resolution impossible.
We are going to take a break from each other, as I have said I need to get counselling, for my own things.
Though at the persistence of my partner in getting information from me, I said I felt our relationship has at times been emotionally abusive.
Which it has. I have not blamed her, I have stated I don't think any negative behaviours have been intentional.
I have tried to convey a message of personal responsibility of my own actions that have not been positive behaviours.
I feel I've hit a trigger, as my partner is unreceptive to the idea that our relationship has been abusive, as this is the best one she has ever had, the healthiest.
I start to doubt my own feelings at this revelation, especially knowing it has hurt so much to hear it, but my closest friends have seen me become a lot less confident in myself since the relationship started, and that I've become far to compromising.
I stopped talking to one of my friends, as that person to her, is someone that makes her feel unsafe.
There is no rational justification given. I stopped talking to that person because it was a trigger, my friend understood, though tried to tell me I have a right to go to him in confidence.
The only thing I know of in that situation is that my partner tried to get my friend fired from his position in his job. So I can only think that her reaction of thinking my friend is unsafe, is due to her thinking that he will seek to do similar.
Funnily enough his partner just contacted her with a job opportunity to pursue a project that is very dear to her.
I know my friend, I actually have a personal relationship with him, I know he has no interest in dragging people down. Though people have in the years I've known him treated him unjustly for all the work he's done. Yet he never lets it get to him. So in many ways he has been a mentor to me.
I trust the picture I make of my friend, as do numerous other people in our community is not of a person seeking to harm. In fact quite the opposite.
My partner is an amazing human being when not plagued by those dogged thoughts.
The job opportunity is ironically in the mental health sector, but working on youth homelessness. That is where her passion is, and she is incredible with that level of caring.
The most amazing mother.
Someone who has helped me through a lot of body issues. As I am trans-gendered (female-to-male). Though every single human being has body issues, so I don't mean to sound dismissive.
I feel like I'm just stuffing things up all the time, I feel that I'm with someone who has set up so many boundaries in order to not work on themselves. Yet they have the most honourable ambitions of helping others, but others who will have gone through things very similar to my partner.
I feel at a loss.
I'm confused.
I wish I could explain more, but I have boundaries to respect. I get that my relationship might end, which is hard.
Any feedback would be nice.
Thanks
Really wish I'd found this sooner.
