New To Therapy And Really Having A Hard Time

[Hanala]

I just started therapy and I'm having an exceedingly hard time. The sexual abuse took place 12 years ago when I was a young teen and I never talked about it at all. So there is just a lot shame and silence surrounding it in general. I had my second appointment and she said we didn't have to go into any specifics at all but then she asked me all this stuff about who it was and even the little we got into was a huge source of stress and secrecy for me. Even that was honestly too much to the point where I got home and couldn't cope very well. I thankfully have an amazing roommate and we were both having a hard day so we supported each other. But it was still wayyyy to much for me.

I guess my question is how do you tell the counselor what you can and can't handle. How do you set boundaries of what you can and can't do? Because we started and it got too intense for me but because I don't know how to say 'no' and set limits (not surprisingly) I end up getting to picked over. Help?

 

[Mim28]

@Hanala, I want to say that you are very courageous for finally addressing this abuse. Let your counselor know how you felt after the session. It is going to be hard. You've kept it a secret for a long time, and there should be no shame on your part. It will get better and you will be stronger.
Hugs if you want them.

 

[Hanala]

I think I just need to tell her I can't talk about it now. It's too much and I get too overwhelmed because I honestly don't know how to cope with my feelings and I can't go around being a jerk because I'm triggered. I just bad at saying no to people

 

[Mice]

It's too much and I get too overwhelmed because I honestly don't know how to cope with my feelings

I think you just found a good way to say it. You can actually ask her to teach you ways to cope with the feelings you encounter and go from there :)

 

[Hanala]

So the therapist ended our session yesterday with "next week we may want to discuss if I'm really the best therapist for you." I also wasn't feeling it but it doesn't encourage me because we started picking at the trauma and now I have to start over with a new person probably :(. The beginning crap is the worst for me so the last thing I want is to do this again. I think I need to find a different person anyway because I realistically probably need two sessions a week to make any headway and I don't think this other place does it.

I am feeling so disappointed and so hopeless right now about this actually working. I have so many years of basic foundation to fix on top of the trauma that it just seems impossible that anything can be better. I could really use any advice/insight you guys have. I am so out of my depth here.

 

[Rumors]

So the therapist ended our session yesterday with "next week we may want to discuss if I'm really the be...

Really sorry you are having a hard time. I would likely feel discouraged and hopeless if my therapist said that to me as well. I can only tell you as an outsider looking in that you are worthy of love and happiness. If this t is not the one, there will be someone who will help you filter this out. Don't give up on yourself.

 

[Leighlee87]

One of the very first things I learned in therapy was that I needed to voice up when my therapist was pushing too hard too fast. I struggled a lot in the beginning and wasn't functioning well outside of therapy. When I talked to my psychiatrist at my appointment, she asked if therapy was causing the problem, and that I needed to tell my T. It made a huge difference telling her how overwhelmed I felt. There is a balancing act between pushing just enough and pushing too hard, and it takes time for you and your therapist to get it right.

For me I didn't divulge a lot in the beginning. It wasn't that she didn't ask the questions, it's that I would shake my head and not answer them. Her response was always, "Okay, not yet." My thought in my head was "What the heck do you mean not yet? Not ever." No, she very much meant what she said, lol. And we did end up discussing everything somewhere down the road. But it was when I felt better equipped to handle those discussions. So don't at all feel pressured to answer questions that you don't feel ready to discuss. Therapy is really hard, I'm not going to tell you that it isn't. But except for rare occasions, it shouldn't negatively impact your ability to function in daily life.

 

[Lee2001]

I agree with others! I went into past trauma a bit too quick and had two weeks of being in a really bad place. I told the T the very next session and noticed a huge difference with how we have proceeded. It is like night and day. He truly regulates how we move through harder areas and I haven't felt that bad for a few weeks now even though doing some very hard work. That said, finding the right T is definently key as you probably know. I really hope you can keep working in T and find the best way to do it and best therapist to do it. It is a bit of a journey that takes a lot of navigation and patience. I would say one of the more challenging things in life.