Relationship New To This.

[Emma555]

I guess I never looked at it that way. Thank you for explaining that. Hopefully he soon realizes that he could never say anything that would make me feel differently towards him. I will always be there for him no matter what and I hope he can eventually realize that. Thank you Junebug

 

[Tinyflame]

Emma, there's a positive spin on this.

People with ptsd often have a lot of difficulty knowing which emotion is 'right' to have- hard to tell when you have 30 in an hour ( :( ), so they look to 'cues' of other's emotions or actions/ reactions, and then reason from there.
(And for a person with ptsd, the 'blame' or reason will usually come back to them, in their mind, something 'wrong' with them or something they must have 'done' wrong).

So, if you say nothing at all, the person often thinks they've made a mistake- obviously there is no feedback- that must be 'negative', and (thus) their way of avoiding you/ it. -Burdensome.

If you however acknowledge it- what you feel about it (whatever that is- shock, anger, horrified, sad - as to 'what' occurred, what 'you' feel), but have the attitude "Great! Think that's so great you told me, you're doing better!", and then carry on- have some laughs, that will help later.

For example, you could say, "I'm sorry that ('x'), (or) I can't imagine how you feel but I would feel ('x'), but I'm sure glad you told me!" :)

A member on here gave an example, she (felt she had) an extreme reaction at her therapy, and her T said just that- all smiles/ happy, basically- "Great! That's progress!", so the member said although she still felt like 'crap' she had enough trust in her T's 'assessment' of it, to then go home, not blame herself for causing 'harm', or wondering what her T thought of it, and hoping that she would understand it more later (and hopefully also see it in a positive light).

I can only say myself I feel ptsd is something to 'deal with' alone, hard to explain (it) and you don't understand it all yourself, and because of how it is don't want to 'expose' it (or yourself) to others. So (that's) difficult.

See what works. Try different things- everyone is different.

Try to have positive times. Even people with ptsd just want relief- not 'heavy' all the time, distractions are better. Especially when you're stuck with this 24/7.

ButterflyPEI wrote a good thread called "A Letter For My Family and Friends" that expresses it far better than I can.
xox

 

[LoyalOne]

As for how often you 'should' email or call or text - I send a text every morning, personally. But we agreed I would, and that he doesn't have to answer it. He hasn't been answering them lately, and I was going to not stick to my guns and ask him if he wanted me to stop - I figured he might be too busy now with everything that is going on, and not need them.

Well, last night he texted out of the blue, and we texted a bit, and he told me to call him. He complained that people won't leave him the hell alone, and are smothering him with concern, and are all on fire to have him at parties, cheer him up, etc., and all he wants to do is lie in his house and watch movies. I told him I was doing my best to leave him the hell alone, and he said;

'YOU are the only one I don't WANT to leave me alone!'

!!!

My point? Don't guess. Ask. Guessing leads to overanalyzation and false assumptions and confusion. The next time you hear from him, gently let him know that a concrete agreement for minimum contact would make you feel 100% better, and then you wouldn't worry nearly as much. Make it very, very small. Twice a week, you text 'hi,' and he texts 'hi,' for example. No questions, no other texts. Just hi and hi. You know he is not dead in a ditch, and he knows you are not going to blow up his phone with worry. It could work?